


Rednosed Snowcops

by melly_diamond, teecrushfic, thilia



Series: Good Cop, Bad Cop [3]
Category: Tokio Hotel
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Christmas, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-25
Updated: 2012-03-15
Packaged: 2017-10-31 17:38:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 61,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/346696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melly_diamond/pseuds/melly_diamond, https://archiveofourown.org/users/teecrushfic/pseuds/teecrushfic, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thilia/pseuds/thilia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A murdered Kris Kringle, suspicious-looking elves, special nog and a matter of the heart make the Cops' first Christmas memorable indeed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Santa Is Dead And The Elves Are All Evil

It was a week before Christmas, and the precinct was in its usual state of disarray and chaos, heightened by bowls of eggnog positioned strategically around the squad room. Some were your basic holiday drink, and some had something 'special' added to it. It was each officer's good fortune to find the ones that were _really_ special. 

One of the most _special_ bowls of eggnog was to be found in the office of Detectives II, Listing and Schäfer. In fact, their bowl was SO special, that one had to present three forms of ID, sing a naughty Christmas carol, and agree to wear a red nose for half an hour before being allowed a cup.

Their office had never been busier.

Gustav reigned over his small kingdom like a benevolent elf, eating the cookies his mum had sent for the entire precinct – they were chocolate-peanut butter, so fuck everyone else – and making small talk with the nog applicants. It wasn't like anything else was getting done, anyway.

That day, Georg came into the office with a Santa hat, curly, sproingy hair and his glasses which, yes, he was still wearing because otherwise, he couldn't look at anything without squinting. He also had about six shopping bags in each hand, and flopped down on his chair, dropping everything. 

"My God, I hate Christmas shopping," he said, reaching for a cigarette and lighting it. "But at least I'm pretty much done with it now."

He smiled, then rolled over with his chair and gave Gustav a sweet smile. "You should be kissing Santa Claus, you know?"

He pursed his lips and wiggled his brows.

Even after all these months, seeing Georg brought a huge smile to Gustav's face. He was the cutest Santa ever.

"Ah, Christmas shopping? What'd you get me?"

Gustav tried to peer into the bags, but an enterprising Georg had made sure they were closed sufficiently so that Gustav couldn't snoop. He sat back with a scowl.

He eyed Georg. "I should be, yes, and I will, after you finish your cigarette and pop one of these lovely after-dinner, after-sex, after-smoking mints. Then, I shall snog you senseless."

Gustav was quitting smoking – again – and was being pretty tough about his kissing conditions. He figured that he and Georg had survived being shot, cocaine addiction, surprise haircuts, laser burns and senior citizen nudity – surely they could weather this.

He petted the sproing though, and demanded a spirited performance from yet another rookie, who had heard of The Nog.

Georg sighed. "You know what you should do? Just have a cigarette too – and next year, we will both quit smoking. It can be our project for next year, a New Year's resolution. All right?"

He grinned, but put the cigarette out and popped a mint into his mouth. Then he cupped Gustav's face between his hands and kissed him. "And I won't tell you what I got you. It's supposed to be a surprise. No peeking or I may have to take some drastic measures."

He nodded, then pursed his lips again. "Okay, more smoochies. Now. I demand them."

Gustav sighed too. "Slipping in my efforts to be healthier and more robust is not the way to go. And besides, I already blew it this morning. It, and also you, but only one of those activities will eventually kill me."

He ran a hand through his hair and waited for Georg to finish before the actuality of Georg's statement hit him and he laughed until he fell off his chair. "You, quit? Please. Santa's reindeer will dress in sashes and form a mariachi band before _you_ will quit smoking."

He composed himself while Georg ate his mint, then, true to his word, he kissed Georg heartily, making three rookies and a sergeant wait for their nog.

Georg pondered. "One of them will kill you? Like, you will choke on my spunk?"

He grinned. "Excellent way to go."

He laughed. "Anyway – I can totally quit. I just need a kick in the butt."

Gustav had to concede that choking on Georg's tasty jiz would not, in fact, be the worst way to go, and smiled. "You keep telling yourself that, baby," he said cheerfully. "And I could give you a kick in the butt if it would help. You can pick either steel-toed boots or my Snoopy slippers."

"Snoopy!" Georg squeaked. "Definitely Snoopy. Have I mentioned how much I love those slippers on you?" 

"Not recently, and Snoopy is a little offended, if you must know," added Gustav, nodding, then grinned when Georg nodded too, and then sighed happily when he was kissed. He closed his eyes and deepened the kiss, then glanced over when Patty got there and cleared her throat. 

"Hey Patty! What's up? Enjoying the show?"

"I was!" Patty said cheerfully. "Did you bring me my mistletoe?"

Georg laughed. "I did, yeah."

Patty had come to him the day before, asking him to bring some mistletoe because she planned to hang it up all over the office and create some really awkward kissing scenes. Georg just hoped he wouldn't end up under the mistletoe with the captain. Stranger things had happened.

He handed her the bag and smiled. "Anything else, Patty-dearest?"

"Yes, actually; someone robbed, and then murdered Santa. Obviously, the two of you get the case."

Georg stared at her. "Seriously?"

Gustav looked suspiciously at Patty. "And just what are you doing with that mistletoe, Miss Patricia? Nothing nefarious, I hope? And… whoa, what? Someone killed SANTA?"

He shrieked. "Those bastards!"

Patty's news stunned him, and the shriek brought even the Captain running. Jogging. Rapidly walking to their office, although in all fairness, he was there for the Nog – Schäfer was always shrieking about something.

Gustav shook his head, then focused on Patty. "Dude. I can't believe someone would do that! And they stole the presents too? What about the reindeer?!?"

Patty eyed him. "Right… No reindeer were harmed in the commission of this crime, so you can relax, Gustav." She paused, watching them for a moment. "So what are you waiting for? Go find the guys who killed Santa! And when you find them, you're going to take a few days off – after the Christmas party, that is. I do want you to be there for that."

"Yeah, you two – get going. We have a week before Christmas, Santa's been shot, the imaginary reindeer are, amazingly, nowhere to be found, and four of his six elves have done time. So scram. I'll watch the Nog." 

The Captain quite enjoyed that little perk of his job; his ass wasn’t going out into the cold to quiz elves on their experiences with homicide.

Gustav eyed the Captain. "Can you honestly tell me that you didn't shoot Santa just to get us out of here? I mean, Georg is gorgeous, I'm hysterically funny, and we're both overflowing with charm. You have to admit, you pale in comparison – sir – and I know the Chief of Detectives is coming by later for a shot of your Courvoisier that you keep locked in your secret under-desk drawer. You need to send someone out for a new bottle, by the way; Patty and I polished it off last week."

He nodded at Patty, then added. "Baby girl, of course we'll be there. Are you gonna scan your nipples for cards again? I have a collection to uphold, you know."

Patty snorted. "You know I will," she said with a grin, then patted Gustav's hair affectionately. "But you boys should get to work. The sooner you're done, the better for everyone. In the meantime, I'll be busy with the mistletoe."

She grinned, then left the office and Georg got up, snorting at the captain's expression. He patted his shoulder. "Cheer up, boss. It's Christmas. And speaking of – we have a Santa murderer to catch. You ready, babe?"

Gustav knew enough to be worried about Patty's plans, but since they'd worked out pretty well for him so far, he looked forward to seeing what else she'd come up with.

"Okay," he said cheerfully, while she rolled her eyes at the Captain's red face. 

"Babe is indeed ready," added Gustav, and gave their boss a sweet smile as he and Georg left their office – and Nog – in the care of the capable Patty.

Outside, snow was in the air, and Gustav sniffed appreciatively as he got into their unmarked car. "Hey, did we firm up any plans for actual Christmas?"

Georg shook his head. "Nope. I don't think so. I think we just said something about Patty's famous Christmas party, and maybe a family thing… I don't know. Why? Do you have plans for us?"

He smiled. He liked Gustav's plans, whether they were for the job or in their personal life.

"Well, see, here's the thing," said Gustav, pulling out a folded piece of paper. "My mother emailed me and asked if we were coming home for Christmas, meaning she _told_ me we were coming home for Christmas. They'd like to re-meet you, the grandparents – naked and otherwise – are coming in from Monaco and Ireland, respectively, Gerard has some major news OMG he wants to announce – so be afraid, my friend – and Giselle is bringing her girlfriend, who holds the Austrian title for female bodybuilding."

He rubbed his face. "It promises to be, uh, interesting."

Georg's eyebrows shot up. "Ahh."

He was silent for a moment and grinned. "That should _definitely_ be interesting then! Can't wait!"

He laughed at Gustav's expression and grinned. "I like them. I like your family. I can't help it. And it definitely promises to be an adventuresome day, so… why not?"

"Oh God… interesting will not even be the word," sighed Gustav, then looked over at Georg. "You're nuts and my family? THEY are certifiable, but I love you to death for even considering going there. I'll protect you from Gerard – the rest are mostly harmless. My dad will want to see how much you can drink, my mother will be amazed at your sproing and make inappropriate remarks about how fucking hot you are, Gerard will… well, fuck only knows, and Gigi will be all over her girlfriend. She just made the jump from sort-of-kind-of-maybe-liking-girls to full-blown lipstick lesbian. So she'll feel she needs to catch up with me – starlight, star bright, first gay you see tonight sort of thing. Oma and Opa will be naked and playing cards, or better yet, singing along around the piano. Also, they've discovered Dance Revolution on Wii and can be found shaking their booties – and everything else – in front of the TV."

He paused. "Which is why my father drinks; _his_ parents, however, are die-hard Catholics, who have formed, I hear, either an a capella singing group or become swingers – Mum wasn't real clear on that point."

He looked over at Georg. "You're still gonna love me by New Year's, right?"

Georg listened to all of that, then slowly processed everything he'd just heard, and raised a brow. "Okay, let's see… I'm a pretty good drinker, I think, so your father should like me. Your mum should enjoy the sproing as well, so I'll be fine with her too. Your grandparents should be ecstatic that we're finally together, considering they already saw it when I was still completely clueless – or mostly clueless. I had feelings for you; just wasn't quite there yet. Your brother… well, as long as he keeps his vagina penis hidden, I'll be fine, and he should like me too. I'm a fun guy, right?"

He nodded, convinced. "As for your sister… she should be okay too. Also, I can sing, so I should get along with your other grandparents too, unless they're swingers. I don't swing. And I'm not exactly religious or anything, but… yeah. We should all get along. And maybe I'm nuts, but I do love your family already. Not as much as I love you, but I do like them."

He cupped Gustav's cheeks and kissed his lips. "Yes. I'll still be in love with you. I will be in love with you forever." He looked into his eyes and gave him a smile. "Because you're my One."

Gustav had to smile as Georg reeled off all the reasons this was going to be Just Fine, and when he was done, he felt a huge surge of love for Georg. He often had those moments, but right now was a BIG one.

He stroked Georg's cheek. "You are perfect, and amazing at everything, and I am the luckiest man in the whole world to have you, Georg."

It was telling that Gustav used his name – not a pet name, not a dorky title. That was a sure sign that he meant every word.

He kissed Georg back, lightly – then not so lightly, and it was only when one of their colleagues knocked on the steamy window that they remembered that Santa was dead, the elves were evil and Christmas was in jeopardy.

Georg's knees got a little weak when he was kissed like that, and he was relieved that he was sitting down; otherwise he would've swooned very embarrassingly. And yes, actually _swooned_.

But they had a crime to solve, so Georg put on his seatbelt and turned on their car radio, which had, obviously, a Christmas CD in it. And Georg sang along. 

He loved Christmas.

Gustav rolled his eyes at the carols – he owned the one and only Christmas album Metallica had ever recorded, aptly titled, "Forget the Sandman, Motherfuckers – Santa's Gonna Be in Your Chimney Tonight."

Georg refused to sing along with THAT one, which was a pity, really, cause Georg did a hell of a James Hetfield impersonation.

A short time later, they got to the crime scene and got out. It was then that Georg realised he was still wearing that ridiculous Santa hat which made him look like a complete dork. 

Which wasn't all that unusual, Christmas or otherwise.


	2. Boobs Under The Beard, And Other Songs Of The Season

They arrived on scene, and when Gustav realized Georg still had the Santa hat on, the windows nearly got steamed again. He decided that Geo would wear it later tonight when they had raucous holiday sex.

They walked into the department store, where three rookies were corralling upset kids and their mothers, six elves stood sullenly around, drinking coffee with a hefty shot of schnapps, apparently… or rather, schnapps with a shot of coffee, more likely from the smell. And laying half in, half out of Santa's workshop lay Santa himself.

"I didn't know Santa had a tattoo on his belly that says "You want this" with an arrow pointing at his cock," said Gustav conversationally.

Georg stared down at Santa and took a deep breath. "I think I'm kind of scarred for life right now. I mean, it's not like I actually believe in Santa, but this…"

 

He shook his head. "Scarred for life. But anyway!"

 

He eyed the elves. "I suppose we should question them. GCBC routine?"

 

He wiggled his brows at Gustav; it had been a while since they'd done the whole Good Cop Bad Cop thing.

"You're just NOW getting scarred for life? I have not been doing my job correctly, methinks."

Gustav looked down at the deceased Kringle, and nodded. "You talk to the crime scene people first though, kay? I want to see what we're dealing with."

 

He walked over to the elves, who were, in fact, little people. Gustav felt like the President of the Lollipop Guild.

 

He looked down at them – they scowled up at him. Well.

"Merry Christmas," he said, twirling a candy-cane, which he’d snitched off the workshop roof. "So which one of you popped Santa?"

Georg did talk to the crime scene people and took notes again. It didn't take long, and soon he was back by Gustav's side. "Hi guys," he said, looking down at the elves, and they glared harder. 

Well then. 

Since he was the "good" cop and needed to show their suspects a little respect, he knelt down, so they were at eye level. "So… why don't you start by telling me what happened? Or HOW it happened. What happened is pretty obvious."

The tallest of the elves (which wasn't very) seemed to be the leader of the group, and folded his arms. "We've been here since noon, doing our jobs – the kids line up, we get 'em on Santa's lap, they tell the old guy what they want, Risa here makes 'em smile for the picture, Jax takes the pic, the kids get a candy cane, the parents get the pics and pay, and we move on. Over and over for fourteen bloody days now."

He scowled. "Christmas cheer my red arse."

Gustav tried to not grin, 'cause it was inappropriate, but honestly, this was funny. Santa being popped with a .22 at close range wasn't funny, but the glares he and Georg were getting, were. He wasn't sure if it was a) the fact that he and Georg, while being called Hobbits and Dwarves by their colleagues, were STILL several inches taller than the lead elf, b) the fact that said elves were so pissed off, or c) they got paid by the hour and this was fucking up their pay curve. Probably all three.

Georg tried not to laugh, and just nodded slowly, taking notes. "All right. And what happened then? How did it come to…" He paused, then waved a hand at the dead Santa on the floor. "Well, this?"

Gustav could feel Georg trying to not giggle and managed to stifle himself, listening for the answers. Axel – the lead elf, whose brother was, predictably, Jax(el?) – replied again. Gustav wondered if the others were deaf-mutes or just traumatized.

"So we were doing our thing – it was about ten to two, and we were all glad cause we break for half an hour at two and dunno about the others, but I needed a smoke like whoa. Still haven't gotten one, by the way. We're standing there, all normal-like, and this nut job breaks through the line, yells something about his heart REDUCING ten sizes today, and blew Doc here away. Popped him right between his big ol' white brows, he did."

Gustav blinked. "He said his heart was reduced ten sizes today?"

"Well yeah – he was the Grinch, son. You know. The GRINCH."

"He was… from the Dr. Seuss book? The Grinch who stole Christmas?"

"That's the one. Damn good costume, too. He even had the freaky little dog with the fuckin' antlers an' shit."

Gustav looked at Georg. "The Grinch shot Santa."

He rubbed his face and thought Axel wasn't the only one who needed a smoke right now.

Georg blinked a few times, then stood up – his knees hurt when he sat on them for too long. He looked at Gustav and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well then. I guess he totally managed to ruin Christmas, didn't he?"

He tried not to snort – this whole situation was surreal! But strangely, not really odd at all, cause the cases they got were ALWAYS insane. So… yeah. 

"Right. Well… where did this Grinch person go?"

"As if stealing all the Who's baubles and bells, wing-wangys and roast beast wasn't enough, he shot Kris Kringle. Nasty little green bastard." Gustav would amuse himself this way forever, if left to his own devices.

"He went that way, through women's lingerie," said the one called Risa, smiling up at Georg. Gustav knew that smile. It was the "I would ride you like a wildebeest" look that many women, men, and the occasional he/she gave Georg. This one looked ready to climb him like a banana tree.

"Lingerie?"

"Mmhmmm. I think he shoplifted a corset, too. I went looking for my favorite green one I was gonna put on layaway and it was GONE. I think he took it, the nasty sot."

Georg eyed Risa warily and took a step back. All right theeeeen. 

THEN, he groaned. "Oh God, no – I really did not need to picture the Grinch in a corset."

And even less than that, he wanted to picture RISA in the same corset. Ugh. Just… no. 

"All right," he said after a moment, looking at Gustav. "Do you think we have everything? Should we go back to the station, or… take someone with us, or…?"

Gustav smirked. "Well, he needed to wear something under that spiffy home-made Grinch suit. So, let's recap. We have six elves, at least one of whom is having a nic-fit, doing their job and handing out candy, and then, a crazy Grinch tears through the crowd with a .22, shrieking about a cardiac reduction, shoots Santa Claus, and escapes through the lingerie department, skiving off with a green corset in size sub-zero. Have I got that right?"

Georg eyed the elves who all nodded. So he nodded too. "Yes, that sounds about right. What do you think?" he asked as he led him a bit away from the elves. "I mean, it sounds all pretty obvious but… what if they're lying? We should definitely interrogate some of the other witnesses."

"What do I think? I think this is fucking CLASSIC, is what I think, and I only want to get outside so I can laugh till I piss myself, then mop up and have a mostly-forbidden smoke. Honest to Christ, could this be a better Christmas story?"

He looked over at Santa. "Well, it sucks for HIM, but…"

He waved at a couple of officers. "Take their names and addresses, and they are not to leave the city, understand?"

He looked over at Georg pitifully. "Outside, Detective Listing?"

Georg snickered. "I know, right? That's pretty much what I’m thinking, so let's delegate and make sure we get the hell out of here so we can be amused about the best case yet – or the most hilarious one, at least. We'll have an interesting Christmas story to tell to the family, won't we?"

He grinned. "Also, Patty's gonna love this. Maybe we should let her come next time – she misses all the good stuff!"

He took a breath. "So… yeah, let's get out of here before what's-his-name tries to jump me. I'm kind of scared of him, to be honest…"

"I am a master of delegation," said Gustav cheerfully. "And he is a she; hard to tell with that haircut, I know. But she wants you – she wants you not only under her tree, but AS her Christmas tree, baby. You could set her atop you as your Christmas angel. She could sit on your head and swivel, and…"

He stopped before Georg had a heart attack, and snorted before delegating questioning to uniforms, and requiring the CSI and coroner's report be sent straight on to he and Georg.

"You are," Georg said cheerfully, then blinked. "Seriously? Dude, she has a beard. How can she be a she? Dude. I think NOW I'm scarred for life."

"Hormonal imbalance," suggested Gustav, who knew of such things – Giselle had almost been Gregor, had she not found estrogen supplements. "But yeah, she had boobs. You just couldn't see them under the beard."

"Boobs under the beard," Georg said slowly, shaking his head. "What is the world coming to?"

Finally, outside, Gustav sighed and leaned against their car with a grin. "I love my job and only slightly less than I love you, which is hugely."

Georg shivered, then gave him a smile when they were outside. "I love my job too, though, and I love you hugelier!"

He stepped in front of him and touched his hips, then smiled as he leaned forward and kissed him.

When Georg touched his hips, Gustav smiled and slid his left hand up underneath Georg's hair – which was almost back to its pre-Riviera length – and wrapped his other arm around his waist, pulling him close to kiss him hungrily. 

Gustav had seen people die for years now, and been the cause of one or two deaths as well (all in self defense, as he insisted to IA) but lately, every time he saw one, he tended to hold tighter to Georg. He couldn't imagine his life without him.

Love was more powerful even than Josie, and just as he slid his tongue into Georg's mouth, he had An Idea.

Georg smiled into the kiss, returning it intently and sighing heavily when they were interrupted.

They waited until the coroner sighed and tapped him on the shoulder impatiently.

"Guys, guys, a moment?"

She sighed, used to Schäfer and Listing, or as she called them, Schisting. "I'll have your report later today, even though it’s a pretty standard cause of death. I did find something interesting on his lapel, though – some sort of synthetic stain. I'll know more later."

"Promise?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, Gustav, I promise."

He smiled at her and she smiled back. "You know, I applaud young love, but you two… there's not even any mistletoe around!"

"Au contraire, mon chérie," said Gustav grandly. He pulled a sprig out of his jacket pocket – sending tons of miscellaneous paraphernalia to the ground – and leaned over and smooched her soundly.

"See, two for the price of one, considering where my mouth has just, JUST been." 

He nodded, satisfied, while she looked stunned – then laughed. "Indeed… and thank you, love. Best kiss I've had in six months. Are you two sure you're not bi? Because seriously…"

Georg leaned against Gustav as he talked to the coroner, raising a brow when he kissed her. Then he had to laugh. "Yeah, sorry. We really are gay. We have discussed boobs, though, on many occasions and agree that they're fabulous, just like women in general are. We're just not very interested in their lower parts."

Gustav caught the look and smiled. "No tongue. And yeah, gay. I would not want girl bits, ever. My own manly bits give me enough grief."

Georg snickered. "True, true. And I love your manly bits, so shut up."

"My manly bits love YOU, so it's all good." 

The coroner smiled at their interplay. "I don't blame you at all – but I had to ask."

Georg grinned, then gave her a wave and started kissing and nibbling on Gustav's neck, which always smelled and tasted amazing to him.

She waved back and sauntered off, making Gustav laugh. "You know, women drive me nuts, but the ones we work with, rock."

He was plotting. "Boobs under the beard sounds like a hell of a Christmas song for female dwarves," offered Gustav, already thinking of lyrics. He'd promised Patty a new song for the party, as his other ones were well known, and she liked a good dose of spontaneity. 

She could count on her boys to be spontaneous at all costs, which was partially why the Captain had taken to dyeing his hair to hide the gray caused by their spontaneity.

He sighed happily when Georg nibbled and kissed, knowing his viewpoint. He was Georg's little gustavbread boy, and he loved it.

A moment later, though, he remembered his crap was on the sidewalk and sighed as he started to gather: mints, lighter, mostly-empty pack of Marlboro Reds, change, a pocket knife, gum, a Green Lantern ring, one purple condom, a small tube of lube, Carmex lip balm, travel-size Axe body spray, his keys, a small photo of Kermit doing something unspeakable to Miss Piggy (while Fozzie Bear watched), his sunglasses, a Pooh band-aid still in its wrapper, a half-eaten bag of M&M's and a notebook with Ariel the Mermaid on it. Also, a small can of fruit cocktail.

Georg kept kissing Gustav's neck until the other man started picking up his things. He watched him in amusement, and not for the first time wondered how Gustav could carry all this stuff around with him. First of all, he rarely ever needed any of those things – except maybe the lube and food – AND Georg wasn't sure how he could fit all of it into his pockets. He had to have some sort of special Mary Poppins or Hermione Granger pockets; Georg was sure. 

"You done?" he asked after a moment, bouncing.

Gustav smiled at him, then eyed his assortment, stuffing it back in his capacious pockets. His duffle coat was a wardrobe of wonders.

He looked up, catching the amusement in his boyfriend's eyes. "Hey, I need all this stuff," he said, straightening up. "You never know when you might need to save the universe with your ring while eating fruit cocktail and musing on the sex life of the Muppets."

Georg grinned. "I love you for being so random, you know that?"

He smooched him. "But let's go!"

He paused. "Wait, your kiss kinda wiped my brain. What were we gonna do now? Take the elves to Patty? Go home and fuck? Interrogate someone? I swear, I don't remember."

"I do know that, and it's little bits of information like that that keep me going." Gustav smiled brilliantly at Georg, then tapped his forehead. "I had a thought… and no smart-assed comments. Love. Love is it. I'm willing to bet that Mara will find that that stain is some sort of hormonal replacement substance and that our little friend Risa-With-Beardish-Boobs figures into this whole mess."

He patted Georg's cheek. "We COULD take the elves to Patty – she'd be delighted and make them sing carols in rounds, but going home and fucking sounds so much better. I vote we do that."

Gustav did a little soft-shoe on the sidewalk. "We should check in with the boss first, and get your bags before some rogues substitute nasty things for your carefully-chosen gifts."

Georg grinned, then raised his brows, impressed. "Wow, you're good. That does make a whole lot of sense."

He paused, then shivered. "Ugh, this whole case is creeping me out. So yeah, let's go home and fuck, and Patty can see the elves later."

He grinned. "But yeah, that sounds like a good idea! Bet you're curious about my gift for you, aren't you?"

He wiggled his brows and grinned.

"Yes," replied Gustav, who had no shame. "And I'm prepared to beg to find out what it is, too."

His own gift for Georg was both small and huge at the same time; the thick gold ring hidden in his sock drawer – at the toe of his favorite argyles, no less – was small, yes, but what it signified was enormous. Georg would get other gifts, sure – some silly, some not – but that was the big one.

He smiled at Georg and touched his cheek gently. "That does sound good, huh? So let's pick up something good to eat, go home and get naked."

"Really? I'll keep that in mind," Georg said cheerfully. Then he had to laugh. "But yes! Let's! That sounds like a perfect plan to me."

He wrapped an arm around him and they got into the car. After picking up some Indian food, they made their way back to their flat, which they had been sharing pretty much since they'd come back from their vacation. Back then, Georg had decided to give up his own flat, which he wasn't overly attached to, and had moved in with Gustav, where he'd spent pretty much all of his free time anyway. So now they lived together and things were perfect. 

They took the food upstairs, sat down on Gustav's Super-Comfy Couch and started eating, discussing elves, mistletoe and secret presents.


	3. Christmas Is...

Gustav had always loved his flat, but having Georg in it, permanently with him, made it the best possible place to be in the world. Granted, he could do without the mountain of dirty socks and undies beside the bed, but had to admit they really cleaned out the sinuses in the morning.

Behind every cloud was a silver lining and all that, right?

But what he loved almost more than anything was to wake wrapped around Georg, or wake with Geo wrapped around him. Often, he woke early and just stroked Georg's hair. He rather missed it being short, cause he really, honestly, missed the neck-licking. He tried to not mention that more than twice a day or so, lest Georg smack him.

"So, Secret Santa – what did you get me?"

Georg had a mouthful of food and smirked before swallowing it – which made him look like some sort of chubby jellyfish. Or something. "Ha!" he said then. "Like I'm gonna tell you. You always plan those big random surprises for me – this time, it's my turn."

He nodded, poking him and smiling. "You'll just have to wait and see, honey."

Gustav beamed at his chubby jellyfish. "You're gonna try to out-Gustav Gustav? You foolish, foolish mortal."

He sighed heavily, then got a big chunk of curry in his next mouthful and yelped, drinking his entire margarita in one gulp. "FUCK!"

He finally calmed down, and sighed. "Will you at least give me a hint or am I doomed to wonder for a whole week?"

He tried to look pathetic, giving Georg those big brown puppy-dog eyes that almost always worked.

Georg grinned, then eyed him. "Dude. That is so not working."

He paused. "Okay, it totally is. But no, I won't tell you. Cause you won't tell me about MINE either, so… yeah. We'll both have to be patient and wait for the surprise."

He smiled and stroked Gustav's cheek. "You okay? Don't choke on the curry, dude. I have plans for you."

He nodded, licking his lips.

Gutav pouted, adding the quivering lower lip to the puppy eyes; if THAT didn't work, then he really needed to work up a little something new. Hell, it even worked on Patty, and she was the Iron Maiden.

"I can't tell you about yours; it's top secret. Government agencies are vying for the security clearance to know about your gift. You get Level Eleven Point Three clearance, I'll let you see."

"Oohhhh, right," Georg said and snorted. "Well then."

Gustav drank a glass of water, too, then sighed. "I won't – I'm not going out DOA on curry. And what, you have plans to choke me with something else later?"

He smiled and raised a brow, hoping.

Georg smiled back and kissed his lips. "You're cute when you do that, but you won't get this out of me. Sorry. But I am planning on choking you with something else, yes. So you have that to look forward to."

He grinned and leaned against Gustav, smooching his cheek.

Gustav loved how Georg didn't even blink when he babbled, just accepted it and went along with the gag, so to speak – and if it was a shiny purple ball gag, so much the better.

Georg had wanted yellow, but Gustav won the coin toss, so purple it was.

Yes.

"At least I'm cute," he sighed. "I try hard. You know how much work I put into my daily hotness. It takes me a whole four minutes in the bathroom after my shower. I can skip the blush if you've felt me up in the shower, but otherwise, it's work."

The promise made him smile. "Mmm, blowjobs. Even if I'm doing the work, I love 'em. And you."

Georg grinned. "Four minutes is really a lot," he said, agreeing. "But I guess we can't all be natural beauties like me."

He snorted and kissed Gustav's lips. "I'm kidding. You're the most beautiful person in the world and I love you more than anything."

He smiled. "And blowjobs are great both ways." He nodded. "So… are you done eating, or…?"

"Hey, you were down to my speed, and then you let the mane grow long again, and now you're back to straightening and serum-ing. But no, I am in awe of your loveliness, always."

Gustav returned the kiss, closing his eyes, and then smiled. "I'm done choking on THIS chicken, yes."

Georg smiled. "Shhh. You love my long hair just as much as you love it short and curly, so shut up."

He stroked Gustav's curls, smiling. "So you're calling my dick a chicken? Nice…"

"Pfft, YOU love your long hair more. I like it both ways, but I miss your neck." He sighed a little, then smiled back at him. "No, I'm calling your dick a crown jewel and making a bad choking the chicken joke, is all. Your cock is amazing and I worship it, you know that."

"I do know that," Georg said cheerfully. "And awww, baby."

He smooched Gustav's cheeks and lips and gave him a smile. "So are we taking this to the bed or do you want to take me somewhere else?"

Gustav rolled his eyes. "You don't take me seriously at all," he sighed, then smiled. "I want to fuck you over the washing machine during the spin cycle and let the vibrations do us all good, but I'm feeling lazy and want to just frolic with you in our soft, comfy bed."

He looked at Georg. "I'm OLD, Hagen!"

"Awww, baby!" Georg said, petting him. "You're not old. Because if you were old, it would mean I would be old – even older, actually – and that's just not true. We're both young and hot and there's nothing wrong with preferring the bed over the washing machine."

He paused. "Actually, we should write that down, though, because I definitely do want to do that at some point."

"I want to do everything with you," said Gustav softly. "I love you."

He found himself saying that a lot lately – maybe too much. He didn't want it to lose its meaning, but it was hard to look at Georg and not feel like saying it all the time.

Gustav stood up and nodded. "We're definitely going to try that together, and anything else we can think of."

He reached for Georg's hand and led him into the bedroom, turning when they were inside and sliding his hands under Georg's t-shirt, stroking his sides.

"I love you too," Georg said; he couldn't stop saying it either. He followed Gustav into the bedroom and wrapped his arms around him as well, kissing his lips. He looked into his eyes, then closed them and kissed him again, deeply. He slid his hand into his hair, then down his back, cupping his ass and squeezing it gently.

Gustav melted into the kiss, pinning Georg against the door and stroking his back, then teasing a nipple with one roughened forefinger.

In the dimness of their bedroom lit only by a nightlight – Gustav didn't like total darkness - they kissed, touched, stroked, not needing to speak.

Georg tugged Gustav's shirt off and touched his muscular back; no matter how many times he looked at him or touched him, he could never get enough of the other man. He kissed his neck and shoulder, biting carefully, then harder, while he slid his hands into the back of Gustav's pants to rub his round little bubble butt gently.

Gustav moaned, a surprisingly loud sound, and arched his neck, cause being bitten really turned him on. He could feel Georg's love through his touches, and it never failed to amaze him just how MUCH there was to it.

"You and my ass," he murmured with a little smile, then flexed the cheeks for him.

Georg grinned. "I can't help it. I love every part of you but your ass is just spectacular. And your belly. And your shoulders and back, and your eyes, your lips, your hair, your teeth, your nose, your nipples, your calves, your hands, your knees, your legs in general, your bellybutton and, last but not least, your amazing, gorgeous…" He paused. "Manhood."

He paused again. "That list was in no particular order of preference, by the way. I love everything equally."

He started nibbling Gustav's neck and sighed into it, sliding his hands to the front and opening Gustav's pants.

Gustav was impressed with Georg's recital of his body parts – when he was this close to his boy, he was lucky if he could remember his name, let alone all his organs.

"That was brilliant," he breathed, his lips pressed against Georg's neck. "I love everything about you, too, and… oh God, yeah," he whispered and thrust his cock against Georg's hand.

"I think I forgot a few," Georg admitted with a little smile, kissing Gustav's chin. "You're foot-less, for example."

He kissed Gustav's ear and rubbed his cock slowly, with his palm, pressing it against it and sighing something incoherent. Then he slowly walked him towards the bed, making sure Gustav was completely naked before he pushed him onto it.

"Ah, who needs feet? I can get a go-cart." Gustav smiled into Georg's hair, then groaned as his cock was pressured and rubbed.

He let himself be walked, undressed, and pushed down onto the bed; as much of a control freak as he was in 'real life', he was perfectly content to let Georg take the lead in bed. Not all the time, but sometimes, and yeah, this was one of those times.

He looked up at Georg and thought, not for the first time, that as much as he loved his job and all the things in his life that made it a sweet place to be, he would give up everything in an instant for this man.

Georg looked down at him and smiled, then tugged off his own shirt and opened his pants, pulling them down, along with his boxers. He toed off his socks, then got onto the bed and leaned over Gustav, touching his sides and looking down at him reverently. 

"God, you're gorgeous," he whispered. "I could just stare at you for hours, you know that?"

Gustav licked his lips as he watched Georg take his clothes off – his boy worked out like a mofo, while Gustav confined his working out to the treadmill, while watching episodes of "Bridezilla." He could get in ten miles on one show, so he was satisfied. And he occasionally lifted a few weights, but he was more prone to lying on the warm-up mat in the police gym and watching Georg do leg presses. Listing hated those, would curse and mutter under his breath, and Gustav would lie there and smile at him, unable to help himself. Georg was fucking adorable when he was pissy – as long as it wasn't at him.

They fought, sometimes – sometimes they both had a bad day, or a case went spectacularly wrong – like the Angevin one, where the evidence had mysteriously gotten 'misplaced' and an entire Internal Affairs probe had gone on, was STILL going on – or when the brass had been dicks to them on their squad. Both of them were very protective of those who worked with them, supported them. And both of them had tempers, too. 

It wasn't always perfect, but when it was, nothing in the world could be better.

All this flashed through Gustav's mind as he looked up at Georg, and he reached for him, pulling him down and kissing him softly, meaningfully. 

"You could – you do, sometimes. I know you watch me sleep. I'm happy my big open mouth and sprawled out form make you happy."

Georg raised a brow. "You know about that? Dammit, I thought I was being sneaky when I watched you while you were sleeping – I didn't think you knew about that. But yes. Everything about you makes me happy."

He touched Gustav's cheek, then leaned in and kissed him again, sliding his arms under him and pulling him close.

"I know _everything_ baby," murmured Gustav. "I am the original know-it-all."

He wrapped his arms and legs both around Georg and returned the kiss, which rapidly became passionate and turned into what could be considered a 'dirty, dirty session,' as Gustav had once heard a threesome referred to. Granted, it had been a rock drummer saying it, but Gustav liked the way it sounded.

And he liked being dirty too, whether it was for one 'session,' or several.

Georg smiled. "Right."

He started rubbing against him slowly, moaning into Gustav's mouth as things between them heated up. He closed his eyes and sighed, then reached down and wrapped his hand around both their cocks, stroking slowly.

Gustav loved it when Georg would take both of them in hand – so to speak – at the same time. Georg had big hands, fittingly enough, and it felt amazing.

He moaned in turn, loving how heavy and warm Georg was on him, how he moved against him, his tongue busy.

Georg kissed his neck and chest, licking his nipples while he kept stroking them both. He looked up at him with a smile, then moved back up and sucked on Gustav's earlobe. "How do you want me, baby?"

Gustav made a helpless little sound that was more kitten and less cop. "I… oh God, right there, and ohhh… uh, on your knees, turned and holding onto the… fuck, Geo… the headboard. Wanna slam you hard."

It was mean to make him try to speak under such circumstances, he thought blearily.

Georg smiled, then moaned into his ear, shivering. He loved it when Gustav took him from behind, especially if it was rough. 

He rolled off him after sucking a little longer, then got onto his knees and held onto the headboard, wiggling his ass. "I'm ready, baby. Take me."

It took Gustav a moment to recover from the licks, and he finally managed to get to his knees, and grinned. "Nothing makes me happier than being faced with your spectacular ass, Hagen."

He sighed happily, and swiftly prepared that dancing ass, bending to kiss each cheek, then nip gently.

Georg laughed. "Nothing makes me happier than to face away from you and – oohhhh… get my… ass kissed. Nghhh."

He grinned, then glanced over his shoulder, licking his lips. "Want you, baby…"

Gustav's brows shot up. "Really? You don't want to see me during sex? Interesting."

He knew Georg didn't mean that the way it sounded, and pushed the thought away. "And you are always telling me to kiss your ass, so that's what I'm doing. All for you."

He slid one oiled finger into Georg, and then snaked an arm around his waist, wrapping his hand around Georg's cock and kissing his shoulder as he stretched him. His theory was to give as much sensation as possible at one time, and so far, so good.

Georg grinned. "I love seeing you during sex; connecting, and all that stuff. But I can't deny that I love this as well; feeling you behind me. The angle is just really great this way."

He turned his head and kissed Gustav's lips, then moaned when he was entered, stretched and prepared, which made him moan after only a few seconds. "Mmmhhh… nnnghhh god…"

"Yeah, all that stuff," grumbled Gustav against Georg's skin, "that lovey bullshit, I know. But I know you like this – I do too. It's a good workout."

He kissed Georg's lips, then crooked his finger against the sometimes-elusive prostate and rubbed, enjoying Georg's little sex noises.

"Mmmmmmmmmmhhhfffff," Georg moaned, then blinked. "Mhf? My sex noises get weirder every day. But – ohhhhh, god yesss…"

He held onto the headboard and pushed back against him, then groaned. "In. Now. Need you."

"It's the company you keep," breathed Gustav into Georg's hair, which smelled like papaya today. Mmm, tropical…

He let Georg beg a bit, cause okay, he liked that, and finally pressed hard, then slid his fingers out. They didn't use condoms anymore, so it was all him, baby.

Gustav started stroking Georg's cock as he slid into him, groaning and making weird sex noises himself.

Georg bit his lip hard, then pushed back against him until Gustav was buried all the way inside him. He slid his arm over Gustav's and laced their fingers, then clenched around him, moaning.

Gustav couldn't manage soft and slow in this situation, and he knew that wasn't what either of them really wanted, anyway. So he tightened his fingers around Georg's cock and began to jerk him rhythmically, in time with his thrusts.

They were both strong, and could take it, and hearing his boy gasp and moan his name only spurred him on.

Georg closed his eyes and DID moan extra loudly, just for Gustav. He pushed back against him, meeting his thrusts, feeling his whole body shiver with lust and love for his boy. He knew he wouldn't last long; but that wasn't the point of this anyway. They wanted to connect and make each other feel good, and that's what they were doing. 

"Close," he murmured after a few more thrusts. "Mmmhh…"

Gustav held Georg tight as he thrust into him and was pushed back against, and kept his lips pressed against Georg's shoulder and neck, closing his eyes and listening to them both, and feeling Georg tighten up as he teetered on the edge.

He knew Georg's body well by now, knew the signs, knew how he breathed and how his body tensed just before coming. It was how his groans became more guttural, almost like an animal, and how he smelled, that heavy, musky sweat. It was all so well known yet more exciting every single time."

Gustav thrust and jerked. "Come on, baby, for me…"

Georg closed his eyes and moaned, wondering how Gustav always knew what to do to him. He knew Gustav well as well, though, and clenched around him hard before he pushed back against him just when Gustav thrust into him, and came hard a moment later, his whole body shaking. "Oh God!" he whimpered, gripping the headboard harder.

Gustav had closed his eyes and grazed his teeth over the soft skin covering muscle of Georg's shoulder, and a moment later, the clench created unbearable pressure and he came too – Georg could literally rip the orgasms out of him – and did, when they went at it like this.

Gustav moaned into the skin, squeezing Georg's cock a little harder, pulling as much as he could out of HIM, too. He held him tight for a moment, then pulled out and collapsed on the bed, looking up at his sweaty, sated boy.

Georg held onto the headboard to avoid just rolling off the bed. Sex with Gustav made his legs shaky, and he ran into stuff enough on his own, so he wanted to avoid post-sex bruises. 

He preferred getting the bruises DURING sex. 

Which he did, occasionally, cause Gustav was WILD!

He finally lowered himself onto the bed and snuggled into Gustav, sighing happily. "Mmmmmhhhhhh."

Gustav marveled constantly at how Georg could literally fall over his own feet, yet elude lasers in museums and twist around like a demented snake – maybe Nagini – during sex. Hagen was a wonder in many, many ways.

"Mmhmmm," agreed Gustav, petting his boyfriend's sweaty hair and combing it off his face with his fingers. "That was some gooood lovin'."

He breathed, working on getting himself under control, then closed his eyes for a moment.

"It was," Georg breathed, nodding and smiling. "It really was."

He kissed the top of Gustav's head and stroked his hair. "So… what's your Christmas present for me?"

He wiggled his brows and grinned. If Gustav was allowed to constantly ask _him_ about his present; Georg could do the same.

Gustav still had his eyes closed, but a wide grin spread across his face, and he could feel Georg's grin too. "Nice try, Hagen," he murmured, stretching his legs and wiggling his toes "Hit me up in a post-coital glow, you bastard. My Christmas present to you is that I'll lay in a supply of that orange lube you like so much. How about that?"

Georg grinned. "You know, that doesn't even sound like a bad idea. I'm intrigued."

He wiggled his brows and kissed him gently, then wrapped his arms around him. "So… it's late afternoon. Should we go back to the office or just… not?"

Gustav opened one eye and regarded the fury being beside him. "That was all it took?" he asked, a note of disbelief in his voice. "Really? That was it? Well, then, glad I kept the receipt, cause I can run – well, walk, briskly scooter along, perhaps – back to the store and get my money back."

He closed his eye again, and stretched more."I'm not moving. YOU can go back if you want, but I'm staying here in our man-cave."

"Noooo!" Georg protested. "I like gifts. I mean, I'm happy and have almost everything I could ever wish for, such as a gorgeous, amazing boyfriend, but… I like presents."

He smiled and kissed Gustav's cheek. "All right then."

Gustav smiled. "Who doesn't? But fine, I'll keep yours. If you really decide that orange lube is IT, then, well, your pressie will make a stunning Secret Santa gift for some oblivious rookie."

Georg grinned, rolled over and reached for his phone, dialling Patty's number.

Gustav admired Georg's bare ass for a moment, then listened to Georg convince Patty that there was nothing more to be done at the crime scene, that Gustav had An Idea – after which he could hear Patty laughing, and rolled his eyes – and that yes, she could have the dregs of the nog, IF she got a uniform to drive her home.

That met with approval, and then a spirited conversation during which the comparative merits of various men in the department were discussed. Gustav snorted as Georg made himself comfy, crossed his legs, and lit a cigarette as he and Patty happily gossiped about dick size.

Merry Christmas, Hamburg PD. 

If Geo really wanted to make the squad happy, he would have posed for the "Men In Uniform" calendar, but no. Gustav had been asked and laughed himself into hiccups at the thought of posing nude for anyone.

Georg finally hung up the phone after having said goodbye about twenty times, even though he would see Patty again the next day; it wasn't like they were going away again. He smoked his cigarette, then put the phone back onto the bedside table and looked over at Gustav with a grin. 

"What? Hmm?"

"You and Patty are such girls," snorted Gustav. "I mean, seriously, dick discussions? You two kill me."

He laid there. "Honestly, you two kill me."

His cell phone rang and he groaned. "No, whoever you are, come back later. Or not at all."

Georg grinned. "Well, yeah. What else are we supposed to talk about?"

He laughed, then eyed him. "Come on, pick up. It could be important. There could be another dead Santa, or an emergency, or Patty. All very important things. " 

"You're bossy… and none of those things feel like an emergency to me right now."

Gustav sighed but reached for the phone anyway – it was his Oma.

Gustav closed his eyes and prayed for strength.


	4. Phone Calls And Kebabs

Georg grinned and snuggled into Gustav, then had to snicker when he heard Oma's voice through the phone. This was gonna be GOOD. He rested his head on Gustav's shoulder and closed his eyes, smirking when he heard Oma's voice through the phone.

"Gustav, dear, hello! I hope I'm not interrupting. Are you still at work? Is Georg with you? Either way, you really need to tell me what he wants for Christmas – I have no idea what to get him!"

Despite his OMG-ness, Gustav smiled to hear her voice. "Hi Oma… no, no, not interrupting. Just got home, working on a case. Someone shot Santa, and the elves all have beards – even the females."

He nodded. "Geo is with me – I just pounded him into the headboard, so he's a little tired, but… maybe a year's supply of Aussie Mega conditioner? You know, the kind with the little Kangaroo on the label?"

On the other end of the line, there was a loud shriek. "Someone shot Santa???"

"I know, right? We think it’s a love triangle between Santa, the Grinch, and a possibly hermaphroditic elf. Honestly, I could not make this up."

He paused. "Well, I COULD, but I'm not."

Oma sighed. "What's this world coming to? But anyway – conditioner, you say? All right, that's a possibility. What else? Give me a list – I don't want him to know what he's getting. And you just had sex? Oh how lovely!"

"Yes, conditioner – I'm already getting him lube – and… hmm, let me think. I can email you a list since someone is loitering here beside me, smirking."

He sighed. "Did I tell you Georg is quitting smoking this year? I'm close to being done, and I'm dragging him to hell with me. That's love, huh?"

"Okay, a list would be good, honey. And seriously? Dude!"

Georg snorted; it sounded weird when Oma said 'dude'. He stroked Gustav's stomach and kissed his shoulder, then stood up and went into the bathroom to pee – and comb his hair.

Meanwhile, Oma continued. "So you're really together now? Gusti, I'm so happy! See? I told you it would all work out! Was I right or was I _RIGHT_?"

"DUDE is right."

Gustav laid back and had to smile as Georg padded off to pee – he was like a little… well, something. Something cute.

"Yes, we really are together; Georg finally came to his senses, we both stopped being asses, and we're together, in love, all that stuff. He moved into the ManCave with me, and so far, it's all good."

He wanted to tell her about the ring, but Listing, despite acting clueless pretty often, had sharp hearing.

A moment later, the water was turned on in the bathroom and Georg started singing as he took a shower. 

Oma smiled. "I'm so happy for you, dear! You two make a wonderful couple; the chemistry between you is amazing! Do you know that he actually got hard when we were having tea at our place? Remember how he took the pillow? It was to cover up his erection."

She nodded. "So, any plans for the future?" 

Gustav grinned into the phone as Georg started singing – he actually sounded pretty good, and Gustav liked listening to him, so he did, with one ear. 

With the OTHER one, he listened to his Oma tell him about Hagen's erection. 

Lord have mercy.

"We do have good chemistry – we're best friends, on top of everything else, but… he did? He was? Oh my God."

He bellowed laughter, remembering, and causing his Opa, who was sitting a few feet away from his wife while she was on the phone to raise a brow as he heard his grandson laughing. It was impossible to not laugh with him, so he didn't even try.

"He did, yes," Oma said, then had to laugh as well when her husband AND Gustav laughed – and they both had very infectious laughs. "I wanted to comment on it," she said then, "but decided not to. I thought it would make him feel embarrassed, the poor boy; he was already so uncomfortable all naked around us."

"Oh God," giggled Gustav, glad Georg was still in the shower. "He would have died right there on the spot, dude. He would have expired."

He finally managed to calm down. "Well, honestly – he's meeting you guys for the first time, which could be weird anyway, and then, everyone is naked. And although there were some nice sights to be seen – like your little meat rack there, Oma – there was a LOT of things drooping that were never meant to. I was actually proud of him."

Oma laughed. "I think you underestimate your boyfriend, love. He seemed pretty okay, considering the situation. I can't wait to meet him again, honestly. Such a sweet boy. But I should let you go back to him now – we're actually having dinner at the Müllers', so we need to make our way over to them now. I'm NOT looking forward to that, let me tell you. You should see that man's belly – and she's not much better either. I'm not sure I'll be able to eat anything at all!"

She said goodbye and hung up just when Georg came out of the bathroom. 

"Hey," he said and smiled as he dried himself off.

Gustav barely had time to say goodbye before his Oma was off on a belly adventure, and he was left, shaking his head and smirking to himself.

He looked up at Georg, drying off his naked self and smiling. He smiled back. "You sound good, look even better."

"I sound good?" Georg paused. "Oh, I was singing?" He grinned. "Thanks."

He was dry – except for his hair – and crawled onto the bed – and Gustav. 

When he was comfortably settled on top of his boyfriend, he kissed his lips. "How are your grandparents? And they're buying me something? Then I need to get something for them too, and I have no idea what…" He bit his lip.

"You were, and yes."

Gustav combed his fingers through wet hair, separating the curls expertly.

He kissed Georg back, then smiled. "They're fine, just checking in – and yeah, they want to know what you want, so I'll rustle up some ideas and send it off to them. As for them, I suggest booze, sunblock, or perhaps a fanny pack so Opa can keep his glasses nearby, and keep his golf scorecard safe."

Georg looked down at him, then cracked up. "Okay, that is the best idea ever."

He snickered. "I might just do that. But either way, I'll find something. We should do some more shopping tomorrow. And now… food, maybe? I could get us something yummy and then we could just spend the rest of the day on the couch, snuggling, kissing…" He smiled.

"I'm full of good ideas," said Gustav, still petting the curls. "Ask me anytime."

He groaned over the idea of more shopping, but it really was just for show – he loved Christmas shopping for the people he loved. "That actually sounds amazing," he admitted. "Especially the snuggling and kissing part. And the eating part."

"Definitely the eating part," Georg said with a grin. "So let's do that."

He kissed Gustav's nose, then stood up and started to get dressed. "I'll get us kebabs from the corner, all right? Or do you want hot dogs? Or something fancier? Or should we just order in, or…?"

He trailed off, stopping with his pants halfway up.

"Kebabs would be great," said Gustav, sitting up. "And some rice, okay? And beer. I think we're out of beer, and that just can't happen."

He looked for his wallet, and dug out some money, then snorted when Georg's pants were only halfway up. "That's a good look for you," he said with a grin. "I applaud it. It might slow you down chasing perps, but…" 

Georg flipped him off and grinned, then pulled the pants up the rest of the way and pulled a t-shirt over his head. He made his way over to Gustav and grabbed the money, giving him a gentle kiss. "Okay, I'll be back soon. Make the living room comfy, kay?"

He kissed his forehead, then left to get their food. 

"He goes for the money first, then the kiss. I know where all this is leading," said Gustav to no one in particular – except Sven, his Swedish stuffed pig, who sat on the end of the bed, watching them. "I see how this is gonna go."

He got up when Georg had left, and washed himself off in the bathroom, then left to make the living room 'comfy.' He assumed that meant that the couch needed fluffing, the soft plushy blanket needed shaking, and a couple of ashtrays needed emptying.

He picked up a little, Febreezed the place, and set their coffee table with plates, napkins and silverware, then waited for Georg to come back.

Georg did come back sometime later with a six pack of beers, Coke, kebabs, rice for Gustav and fries for himself. He shrugged off his jacket, then briefly disappeared into the bedroom to put on something more comfy. Then he was back and flopped down on the couch, smooching Gustav's lips. "Hi!"

He reached for the food and put everything on the plates, sighing happily. "What are we watching?" 

Gustav licked his lips – partially because the food smelled amazing, and partially cause Georg LOOKED amazing. Sometimes he still couldn't believe this boy loved him.

He smooched him back. "Hi, I missed you."

Gustav reached for the remote. "Well, we have House, Ancient Aliens, Big Bang Theory and South Park. You pick." 

"Hmmm… Big Bang Theory," Georg decided. "Sheldon may be my biggest rival when it comes to your affections, but let's do it."

He gave him a grin and kissed his temple. 

Gustav grinned back. "I can live with that, considering the same holds true to me. And obviously, if he ever DOES split off into a second Sheldon, I want one. We can timeshare our own Sheldon."

He flipped to the appropriate channel, then nodded. "Although, I would not say no to my own Raj – he's so cute and caramel-colored. Plus he can drink."

Georg grinned, then huffed and pretended to pout. "Am I not enough for you?" he whined, but grinned, and reached for his kebab. He leaned against Gustav, resting his chin on his shoulder and watching BBT. 

"Baby, you're almost too _much_ for me, seriously," Gustav assured him. "If I ever turn to needing anything further, I would simply add a tall, skinny anal-retentive, yet suspiciously sweet nerd to the mix. You would still be the chief hottie."

"Hmmm... if you say so," Georg said, eyeing him. "As long as I'll be your number one, I suppose I'm okay."

The episode entailed Sheldon learning how to drive, and when Georg seemed about to make a comment akin to Gustav's driving, Gustav gave him a LOOK. "Do not even…" 

Georg had to laugh. "Whaaat? I wasn't even gonna say anything. Probably."

He ate a few fries and kept grinning at him. 

"Always, babe, always." 

Gustav gave Georg a suspicious look, then leaned back, folding his arms. "I have never cleared out the second floor of a mall, thank you very much."

He paused. "At least, not with a car…" 

Georg grinned. "I know, I know. Sorry." 

He popped a few fries into his mouth, then looked back at the screen, thoughtful.

Today, he'd already gotten two more ideas for Christmas gifts for Gustav. They were relatively small things, though, so he was still looking for the most amazing gift ever. He leaned his head against Gustav's and thought. 

"You're never sorry," sighed Gustav, eating his rice; he wondered what the hell they put into it to make it so good, and vowed to use his superior detecting skills to find out. Mmmmm.

He snuggled into Georg, nestling his cheek on a curl, then snorted at the TV. "I don't blame Raj – I find alcohol a help in talking to girls as well. Which reminds me, we need to bring booze to my parents' house; not that they won't have plenty, but with my family, plenty is never enough." 

Georg laughed. "We'll bring booze all right. Maybe I should just get a bottle for everyone; I bet they'd all be empty by the end of the day."

He grinned and sighed happily. "Have I mentioned that I love your family? Have I?" 

"Only if you bring three for me," muttered Gustav, starting to make a list. "And I love you for loving them, even though they're all fucking certifiable, all of 'em."

He looked up. "I mean, you've never met the brother and sister. You might never recover. I see them once a year and that is way too much already." 

Georg grinned. "I think I'll be fine," he said with a smile. "And if not… maybe we need to come up with a code word, in case we want to leave and don't want to just say so, you know? We could say something like 'smurf' and then we'll both know that one of us want to go."

He paused. "No, I have no idea why 'smurf' of all things. I just like the sound of the word." 

Gustav considered. "If you say so, love. And a code word? How about, AHHHH GET ME THE EVERLIVING FUCK OUTTA HERE!"

He nodded. "That's always worked for me. The thing to remember here, baby, is that in my family, *I* am the normal one."

Gustav sighed. "I know, right? I don't blame you for looking really, really worried. Me. Normal. Completely. Normal." 

Georg grinned. "Well, if we say that, everyone will KNOW that we want to get away, but if we use some random word, we can just come up with some excuse. But hey, I don't think we'll need that. It will be fine, we'll have fun… it'll all be good."

He smiled. "And yeah, you ARE completely normal."

He kissed his lips and snuggled into Gustav, setting his plate down and reaching for his beer. 

Gustav sighed and considered Georg's proposal. "Smurf? That IS random. "Hey, Gerard, I think it’s amazing that you can set your balls on fire, but SMURF, I might have to take a rain check on your SMURF performance." Yeah, that would work."

He settled back with his beer too; Georg was a snuggle bug, which he had no problem with – not anymore, anyway. He smiled when Georg giggled, sighed when his hair was petted and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend as they spent the rest of the night in front of the TV, drinking, kissing, laughing, and finally engaging in another heated love-making session before finally letting sleep take over.


	5. Maxi Müller, Peanut Butter And A Georg Blow-Up Doll

The next morning, Georg and Gustav called in 'Christmas', and went to the mall to shop. They both had a few gifts left to buy, so they took care of that before getting back into their twisted Santa murder case. Georg needed to buy stuff for Gustav's family, and they both definitely needed something for Patty. And Georg was pretty sure that Gustav already had a few ideas. 

"Does it ever get cold where your grandparents live?" Georg asked after a while as he eyed a pile of interesting-looking scarves. "Because they wouldn't run around naked in winter, would they? Then I could get them some warm clothes. If it doesn't get cold, though, getting them clothes might offend them and it's like I'm telling them to get the hell dressed because I don't want to see them or something. I don't want them to get the wrong impression, you know?"

He sighed. "Christmas shopping is HARD." 

"I don't think it gets more than chilly," said Gustav after a moment, then laughed. "Can you see them in just a scarf, though, cause their necks get cold? And they love you, and also, have the Schäfer sense of humor, so no worries. You should get them nipple and dick warmers – now _those_ , they could use."

He picked up some boxers for Gerard that said "The Cheese Stands Alone," and for his sister, a bodybuilding supplement and a three-pack of pasties.  
Georg snorted. "Oh God; I think that would probably be insulting as well cause then I'd have to think about the SIZE of the dick and nipples and that would be a little awkward, to be honest. So I think I'll pass and think of something else. I still have no idea what to get them, though."

He sighed and put the scarf down, then paused and took it after all, sliding it into his basket. If it wasn't good for the grandparents, then he and Gustav could use it… in bed.

Gustav watched Georg debate the scarf, and snorted. "Perv. I know what you're thinking. And, well, you HAVE seen them, and you can't really unsee something like that, right?" Gustav grinned and poked Georg. "My Opa likes American history – he refers to Americans as "those poor bastards," so that American Liberty book we saw that day in the bookstore? That would be good for him. Oma likes needlepoint, so some goofy little kit would be good for her. Also, chocolate is always good for them; they have a wicked sweet tooth."

Georg looked at him with a raised brow, then gave him a sweet, grateful smile. "Thank you. That sounds perfect. I'll get that then. I just really want to get something for them that they'll actually like because, well, I like THEM, so they should get something good. So I'll buy the book and… Yes that sounds good."

He nodded, then grinned. "Oh really? You know what I'm thinking? I may just like the color, you know?"

He laughed, knowing Gustav knew EXACTLY how his mind worked. "Yeah, yeah. I was thinking of bondage. You're gonna get tied up, baby."

He sighed happily. "What about your brother and sister? You have gifts for them but I don’t so… any suggestions?"

Gustav smiled back. "You're welcome, love. I know you take this seriously, so yes, those things they'll like a lot. As for the terrible twosome, I really… Giselle is… well. She's a piece of work, and I never know what to get her, but last I know, she liked that chunky jewelry, so maybe a bracelet and for Gerard, I'd just offer to post bail sometime. You _know_ he'll use that."

Georg snorted. "That actually doesn't sound like a bad idea at all! He'll definitely need it at some point; you know it, I know it, he might not know it yet, but he will." 

He grinned. "So I guess I'll make a coupon or something. And I could add some chocolate or some kind of booze, so that it doesn't look like I came empty-handed. Perfect! Now, your parents?"  
Gustav really, really loved how seriously Georg took shopping for his family, and it just reinforced his Christmas decision, over and over again. 

"We should get that "Get Out Of Jail Free" Monopoly card blown up for him," said Gustav cheerfully. "You know, so he can't lose it in his cape or something. Yes, he wears a cape. Yes, I know."

Georg snorted. “Seriously? A cape?"

He paused, then pouted. " _I_ want a cape too! We should totally have capes, dude. I mean, we're the real superheroes here!"

Gustav facepalmed. "Not a cool, like, PVC cape that's fireproof or can shield you from bullets; he wears a fruity little velvet number that looks like a prop from _Shakespeare In Love_. And when I, a gay man, say 'fruity little cape', you can be sure it’s really, REALLY gay. Yet he claims 1000% heterosexuality – I have my doubts."

He shook his head. "Honestly, my mother drank a LOT during his gestation. With Giselle, she just smoked pot, and fuck only knows what she did to ME – don't wanna know, either. Probably 'shrooms – bt someone needs to be to blame for him."

Georg laughed. "Seriously? Okay, that's not so cool. And don't the super-gay ones always claim they're straight at first?"  
"I have no idea – I knew I was gay at six, when I decided that I wanted to nap next to Maxi Müller in kindergarten because he was cute And then, I decided that I wanted to nap on TOP of him, and it kind of went from there."

Gustav stopped for a gyro, which necessitated two hands and fourteen napkins… then a table… then MORE napkins.  
Georg laughed. "Awww! That is so cute, dude!" He grinned. "Should I be jealous of this Maxi Müller?"  
"Definitely. Remember last year, we watched the Mr. Universe competition and said we'd never seen a bigger German in our lives? Yeah, that was Maxi. He had the cutest little round face and body when we were kids though. We both looked like Weebles."

He paused, remembering, then grinned into his gyro. 

He finally looked back up and smiled, wiping his mouth. "I am adorable, huh? Wait till Mum drags out the photo albums on Christmas Eve. And he wasn't giant then, by the way, just little and cute, and chubby and…" Gustav smiled, remembering. "And he always smelled like peanut butter, which, as you know, is a huge turn-on for me."

He sighed happily, remembering. "I smooched him in the coat closet all winter, cause we had to go in two by two to get our boots and coats, so we paired up and kissed under the coats. It was sweet…"  
Georg had to smile. "Awww. Cute. Your first love.”   
He sipped some Coke. "The peanut butter explains a lot, though. But are you saying that if I dipped myself – or my cock – in peanut butter, you'd jump me immediately?"

“Yeah, it might help," said Gustav with a totally straight face. "Cause you know, I currently ignore you sexually cause you smell bad."

He rolled his eyes. "I like peanut butter, what can I say? You can feel free to dip yourself, your cock, your toes into anything sweet that takes your fancy, and I'll give it a shot."

Georg grinned back, then had to groan. "Ugh. You're weird. But hey, if it turns you on that much, maybe I should give it a try."

Gustav smirked at him, remembering Maxi and his endless supply of cookies, peanut-butter and otherwise.

They continued discussing, then buying presents for Gustav's family for a while, then went to the car to get rid of the bags they'd gotten so far, then made their way back to the mall because there were a few other things they needed to get. 

"Patty," Georg said when they were back in the food court. "We need something for Patty. Something great, something brilliant, and something she'll love as much as she loves us and we love her."

He paused, nibbling on his bottom lip. "Any ideas? Sex toys? A catsuit? A picture of US in catsuits?"

When they were regrouping – and Gustav was fighting off his desire for nicotine – he considered Georg's words. "We should get her a blowup doll that looks like you.

Georg snorted. "We should! “ 

Then he had to laugh. "Oh god. Why one that looks like me? We should get her two – one that looks like you and one like me."

He nodded.

They were walking now. "Yes, you, because though Patty LOVES us both, she has deep, lustful fantasies about you, baby. She told me a few of them, thought it might spice up our love life. All it did was make me cry and drink blueberry schnapps. Remember the night I slept in the shower and looked wild-eyed? That was the night."

Georg stopped and eyed him. "Deep, lustful fantasies? About ME? Why didn't I know this? Do I even WANT to know this?"

Gustav nodded, when he could speak. "Oh yeah, deep and lustful thoughts. And you didn't know it, ‘cause she never told you. She was afraid it would scar you for life, and apparently, I'm made of much hardier stuff and could take it. And I'm all for combining the best of both worlds for our sweet Patricia. I advise a blowup Hagen doll… holding flowers.”

Georg watched Gustav eat then, and snorted. "Oh God. No, I don't think I want to know. But… I always thought she was more into you. Weird."

Gustav sighed, and finished his sandwich, and his Coke. "Okay, so… Patty. Should we be sweet and generous, or sick and pervy? Tis the season, after all. Of course we could always get the blowup doll…"

Georg eyed him suspiciously. "Patty... wait, it's the season to be sick and pervy?" He grinned. "Excellent! I think we should go for both!"

He sipped some Coke, which he then almost choked on. "Dude! Stop with the Georg blowup doll! If anyone gets one, it's you. Or not, because then you might neglect the real thing."

Gustav watched Georg shudder, then cracked up. "I'm sorry; it’s your expression that gets me. But fine, we'll… how about the interactive Kama Sutra I saw on DVD? And roses. And a gallon of our special nog. I really don't see how anything could BE more festive."

Georg gave in and smiled then. "Sounds like a good idea. All of them, actually. Also, we should get her a Christmas elf costume – or possibly a hot Santa outfit for women. You know she would wear it."

"We should! Something really low-cut, cause honestly, for an old broad, she still has a nice rack. I think she and the Captain have something going on. His wife kicked him out, remember? I think he's had the hots for Patty forever, and you KNOW he likes how she bosses him around."

Georg grinned. "She does, really. And she likes low-cut tops, so it's all good. And… seriously?"

He stared. "I literally thought the same thing the other day! It's the way she looks at him, all flirty and stuff. And he actually blushes. I'm pretty sure they do have something going on. And honestly – good for both of them. If anyone can handle him, it's Patty."

Gustav stood up, and popped a mint. "So, you ready?"

Georg grinned. "I'm ready."

When Georg stood up too, Gustav nudged him over to one of the arches hung with mistletoe, and gave him a sweet, hot kiss; Georg blinked when he was nudged over, but soon grinned and returned the kiss eagerly.

Gustav deepened the kiss, holding Georg close, and when they finally pulled apart, his knees felt a little weak.

Kissing Georg did that to him.

He picked up the bags and they headed to an upscale women's store, for Patty. In said store, Gustav amused – and embarrassed – three salesgirls, trying to describe Patty adequately. It was much harder than he thought, and his attempts caused Georg to face-palm and turn away several times during this endeavor, rendering him no help at all. In the end, forcing Georg to help took a dark turn.

Gustav enjoyed embarrassing Georg, although it was harder to do than it used to be, and Gustav was reduced to pulling out pictures of Georg as a first year officer and letting the girls ooh and ahh over his chubby cheeks and short curls.

 

THAT did it. It also nearly earned him a beating on the third floor of the mall, but it was a small price to pay. Eventually they found what they were looking for and finally made their way back to the office where Patty was apparently still drunk – or again. With all the booze floating around, it was hard to tell.


	6. Gift Exchanges, Booze And Unexpected Nudity

"Patty, milady!" Georg said cheerfully. "We just got your Christmas presents!"

Patty was a very enthusiastic drunk. "You DID? Aww, come give Mama some sugar!"

Gustav eyed her warily; sugar could mean a hug and kiss, or it could mean getting groped in your boughs of holly.

Georg wasn't wary – maybe he should've been but he wasn't. So he grinned at Patty and wrapped her arms around her, hugging her enthusiastically… and got goosed for his trouble. Although Gustav wondered if it _was_ a goose, if it was your crotch and not your ass that got fondled. Maybe that was a gander. Or a goosling.

While he was debating the semantics, Patty was squeezing enthusiastically, ignoring Georg's little yelps.

"Patty!" Georg squeaked. "That… We're at work! And that is property of that gentleman over there! Please!"

Eventually, though, he gave up and just hoped Patty would get bored. She did have a good firm grip, though…

Patty just laughed, then whispered, "Honey, 'tis the season to give. A quick squeeze of MY bits would be much appreciated."

That's when Gustav nearly spit out his nog, which was not nearly as good as his, so would not be a waste, but still, rum through the nose was not so good.

He gave Georg a meaningful look, which basically said, "I told you so," and then finally disengaged Patty from Georg and clasped her hands. "Be nice, Patricia, there’s a good girl.”

Georg paled, then flushed and took a step back when he was finally freed by Gustav. "Patty! I knew you weren't shy, but dude!"

He blinked a few times, then reached down between his legs and adjusted his cock.

Patty sighed. "Geo, love, you're too young to be so uptight – obviously, you have not yet drunk enough, so ladle up!"

She beamed, offered to adjust him, then laughed when Georg hid behind Gustav. "I got you two presents too, so… open?"  
Georg huffed. "I'm not uptight! I'm… traditional."

He sighed, then grinned. "Presents? Really? Now? I thought we were waiting till the party!"

One of the rookies looked confused. “Isn’t the party tonight? Aren’t you two going to it?”

Schäfer and Listing HAD to be going; they were legendary, and the rookies hung around, hoping for some of their awesomeness to rub off on them. Or for the secretaries to rub off on them. Whichever.

"We are," said Gustav, emptying his nog. "Patty just started partying early – theoretically, there are two hours more of work, and then, an open bar and endless shrimp."

He thought. "The sad thing is, I'm not sure which I'm more excited about."

Patty sighed. "Fuck work. I'm not doin' ANYTHING," she declared, flopping down in her chair and spinning, her skirt flying up and showing…

…everything.

_Everything._

"We should have gotten her underwear," chirped Gustav to a stunned Georg.

Georg blinked. "Oh God, Patty! I love you dearly, but I'm a gay boy and I can't handle all that… femininity!"

He took a breath, then nodded at Gustav. "That would've been a very good idea. Jesus. But hey! That thing we got her – you know what – has red tights, so everything will be hidden, you know? She should put it on right away."

Gustav hadn't seen any girl bits in a long time, and kind of wished his streak hadn't been broken, but hey, that was the way the Christmas cookie crumbled.

He looked back over at Georg, and shook his head. "Not really – they're crotchless."

He sipped more nog and wished for the next two hours to pass quickly – there were martinis in his future. No beer tonight, not when the department was paying – it was mixed drinks all the way.

Georg, meanwhile, was still pale. "Oh God. What were we thinking, Gustav?"

He shook his head, then reached for the bottle of vodka on Patty's desk – she always had the best – and took a few swigs. He was silent for a moment, then had an idea. "I could take off my boxers and give them to her – she might even put them on cause they were… well, down there, on me."

He beamed, then thought for a moment and started opening his pants and taking them off. He tossed them onto Patty's desk, then kicked off his shoes and started pulling his boxers down – just when the captain arrived. 

At his expression, Georg just raised a brow. "We have a situation, captain. I have no choice."

Then he pulled his boxers down, baring his ass and cock to the whole department.

Gustav couldn't fathom what exactly they'd been thinking, then watched approvingly as Georg swigged vodka – vodka + Georg was a very cuddly combination.

He thought he knew his boyfriend well, but when he pulled his pants down, and then saluted the troops as it were, he was caught somewhere between horror and lust.

Lust won, and he eyed Georg like a sweet, sweet ham on a spit, while Patty clapped delightedly and the rest of the squad cheered.

The Captain just _stared_ until Patty snapped her fingers in his face. "Front and center, Reggie! Georg was just giving me his Christmas present!"

Georg only then realized he was half naked in front of EVERYONE, and groaned. "What am I _doing_?"

He shook his head, then tossed the boxers at Patty. "Put those on, dear. You can even keep them."

He winked, then pulled up his jeans again. He looked at Gustav then and beamed. "I need to thank your grandparents! I'm so confident lately and feel really fabulous when I'm naked!"

Patty caught the boxers and proceeded to sniff them deeply, making Gustav snort helplessly – at her, at the Captain's face, and at his boy. The tribute to his grandparents made him laugh too, and he helped Georg tuck himself back in. "You'll have to tell them that – Oma will be so happy."

He smooched Georg's nose, and then turned to the captain. "We had an underwear emergency, and baby, its cold outside."

Georg snorted too. "I will tell them! And yes, Reggie. An emergency."

Only Patty was allowed to call him Reggie, and the captain reminded him of that by glowering.

"Okay, so, presents! Patty, darling, these are yours."

Gustav was impressed by Georg's vodka courage, and smirked into his drink, then watched Georg give Patty her present.

The sexy Mrs. Claus outfit was a huge hit, as were the crotchless tights and the DVD of the _Kama Sutra_. Gustav could swear that 'Reggie' paled a little when she unwrapped THAT. He should be afraid, thought Gustav, sitting on her desk. Very afraid.

Georg grinned at Reggie and wiggled his brows. The poor man was probably afraid he'd break a few bones when he and Patty tried out those positions – and maybe his worries weren't completely unreasonable. 

Then Georg found himself wondering if Patty thought about HIM when they were having sex – but then stopped thinking about that altogether because Patty/Reggie was not something he wanted to think about ever, really. 

He looked at Gustav and smiled, then turned back to Pattie. "So where are our presents? Hmmmmmmmm?

"Oh! Right over here. Two for both of you, and one for each. Open the big one first."

She giggled – GIGGLED – then brought out a large, flat package, an envelope, and two smaller packages.

Gustav exchanged glances with Georg, worried, and then smiled. "You open the big one, Geo."

Georg eyed Patty suspiciously. "Should I be scared?"

He wondered why he even asked – Patty was a very scary woman, so yes, he was scared. 

He took a breath, then opened the package, his eyes widening…

"Holy shit, Patty!"

Gustav was later glad that he had not had a mouthful of anything, else there would be a very large mess, pretty much everywhere.

The photo was… there were no words. Georg's 'holy shit!' came close to what he was feeling, but running and screaming was a close second. He had to give Patty all the credit in the world, cause a boudoir photo of their fairy godmother had managed to silence even him.

Georg was pretty much speechless as well. But then he had to grin. "God, Patty. Seriously? You are completely unpredictable. And awww, look at that! Reggie is actually a little jealous, isn't he?"

He grinned.

"I know, right?" Patty had co-opted Gustav's favorite saying (aside from "By St. Anselmo's favorite dildo!" which she couldn't quite get her head around – few could) and now it was her favorite. "I thought you boys could put it over your mantel – if you have a mantel. You have a mantel, right?"

"I will build one especially for you," nodded Gustav, imagining his mother's face if she saw THAT. She already thought he was a deviant of the first order – a cute one, but one all the same – and if she spied this, it would be all over but the exorcism, and consumption of sacrificial wine. Maybe he could get her to skip the priest and just serve the wine. It bore thinking about.

Georg was looking at him desperately, that "say something bizarre to take away this horrible awkwardness, please, please, please!" expression plain on his face, and Gustav, being the indomitable force that he was, rallied.

"Aw, Captain, I think it’s a lovely picture," he said diplomatically. "And you know, Patty is the Queen of our world, so think of this as like a, a, coronation portrait of sorts. A royal memento, if you will."

God, he was good; Patty looked pleased as punch… well, nog… and the Captain had sighed, but at least the hair on the back of his neck was now standing down. 

Reggie really needed to shave his neck, was Gustav's next thought, and as it was completely random, he was sure his cerebellum would recover nicely.

"You will build us a mantel?" Georg asked, raising a brow. "Well, I guess having a mantel is not a bad thing, so sure! And when our families come visit, we can always come up with an original explanation. Besides, they're kind of used to us, so…" He nodded. "But yes, Patty is definitely our queen, forever and ever."

"Wait, that's not all I got you," Patty added. "Here."

It was a membership in the "Schnitzel of the Month" club, which she knew Gustav would appreciate, and then, a full spa day for both of them. "I know Gusti is keeping his workspace clean and tidy, but I know Geo isn't, so take advantage of their waxing services," she advised. "Ask for Alice – she's gentle around the balls, I hear. She says the secret is blowing on them afterwards."

She nodded, very pleased with herself – and what her picture hadn't accomplished, the thought of Georg's waxed balls being blown on, DID. 

Gustav laughed so hard that he fell off the desk and lay there on the floor, snorting. He had almost calmed down when Georg peered myopically down at him, and then he was gone again. He only hoped he could crawl to the bathroom before he made a puddle on the floor.

He beamed, then sighed. "I think I need more booze to get through this evening. Patty? Please?"

Georg looked at the other presents and beamed. "Oh god, seriously? A spa day? Have I mentioned that I love you? I love you SO much."

He beamed at Patty, then snorted. "I will get waxed, sure. But, uh… I think I'll let Gustav blow on my balls."

He looked down at Gustav when he started giggling, and raised a brow. "You okay down there?"  
Patty helpfully dumped half a bottle of rum into the nog bowl and added more actual 'nog,' making Gustav realize that they were all gonna be drunk BEFORE the party started, so he decided to cool it.

The conversation above wasn't helping matters, though, and he had to grin at the thought of Georg's balls.

Patty beamed drunkenly at them. "I know you love me – both of you – and I love you too."

She glanced over at the Captain, who was scarlet. "Calm down, Reggie – we have the two cutest gay boys in Hamburg on the force, and they need to be loved. So love them, dammit!"

"Yeah, preferably with a substantial raise and a better office," came Gustav's voice from the floor. "And did I tell you I think the elf we interviewed is transgender?"

Georg watched them and grinned, then patted Patty on the back and drank some nog. "This is good stuff," he said cheerfully. "And yes! The elf is totally…"

He paused. "Wait, it is? I thought it was a woman. I think I've had too much of this already, dammit."

He leaned forward and looked down at Gustav. "You ever gonna come up again?"

Gustav was lying there, feeling rather comfortable. "I'm not sure," he said thoughtfully. "I kind of like the angle. But maybe I should stand and restore order."

He managed – with some help from a rookie, which is why they were there, after all – and then stood. "Okay, you two are nearly wasted, so off to the party, okay? At least there, I have rented a room so that I only have to drag Charpunzel into an elevator and not into a car. And Patricia, I cannot in good faith let you near a copier, so let’s go, hmm? Captain, could you escort the lovely Patty?"

He got his and Georg's coats, tucked Georg's hair into his scarf and herded him out the door, and down the street to Crowne Plaza Hotel, where the function room was, erm, functioning. Drunkenly. And at high volume.

When they were still outside, Georg wrapped his arms around Gustav and smiled. Then he kissed him for a long moment and drew back, still smiling. "I love you. I don't think I've told you today, but I do, and I can't wait to be alone with you later. But for now... let's have fun."

He took his hand, and they joined the party.

Gustav snuggled into Georg for that moment, kissing him back, then returning his smile. "I love you too, and no, you haven't, but I know you do."

He touched Georg's cheek. "I am going to do THINGS to your drunken ass later that would make even Patty blush."

So saying, he linked his fingers around Georg's and led him into the party.

Georg found himself wondering if there even WAS something that would make Patty blush – but he had complete faith in Gustav and knew he had to be right somehow.


	7. Crying At The Discotheque

Several hours later, there had been two conga lines, one very wrong version of the bunny hop (spearheaded by a rookie whom Gustav was grooming as his eventual replacement), a game called "bobbing for rum soaked orange slices" and an incident under the mistletoe in which three secretaries had flashed Georg and asked him if he was REALLY gay or just Schäfersexual. Gustav, on his third rum and coke, had waited for that answer with interest and had been vindicated when Georg nodded regretfully and said that though their boobs were pretty, Gustav's cock was spectacular and therefore, trumped titties.

Eventually, they made their way to the hotel room Gustav had gotten them, and on his way to the bed, Georg took off all his clothes and finally flopped down on the bed, face down, his bare ass pointing at Gustav.

Gustav looked down at his naked, drunken boyfriend, who was splayed across the bed like a starfish. Charming.

"Way to put your best feature forward, my love," he said, unwinding his scarf – which made him look dashing – and then taking off the rest of his clothes with drunken precision. He was not quite as wasted as Georg, but not that far off, either.

He kneeled on the floor, then moved up the bed and placed gentle kisses on the back of Georg's muscled legs, drawing his tongue along the ridges on his way to that round, succulent, ass.

Georg grinned. "Hmmmmm, love you," he sighed happily at the kisses, closing his eyes. "And I know, right?"

He snuggled into the bed and got comfortable under Gustav, loving this. 

A moment later, however, Gustav didn't get a moan in response to his efforts, but a soft snore. 

Drinking too much booze was obviously not what Georg should've done tonight…

Gustav thought Georg was being oddly pliant, but maybe he was just making it easier for him, somehow, so he kept kissing and was just about to trace Georg's crack with his tongue…

….and then heard the snore.

He pulled back and looked down. "REALLY?"

Frustrated, he went into the bathroom, locked it, wanked furiously and then went to sleep in the tub. If Geo had to pee later, tough shit.

***

Georg didn't wake up and have to pee until about 4 or 5 the next morning. He was a little stunned when he found his face pressed into a pillow, his ass facing up, and frowned when he couldn't see Gustav anywhere. He got up, scratched his butt, trying to remember what had happened the previous night, but all he knew was that there had been a lot of drinking at the Christmas party. 

He made his way to the bathroom, naked, and tried to open the door, but it was locked. 

Huh. 

He tried again, and again for good measure, then knocked on the door. "Gustav? Are you in there? Baby, open the door, I'm gonna make a puddle on the carpet…" 

Gustav woke, blearily, at the knocking, then blinked. It took him a second to remember, but then he scowled. "Piss off the balcony!" He croaked. "I'm mad at you."

He settled back into the bathtub, and then, just to be mean, he reached over and turned on the water tap in the sink. Just because.

Georg bit his lip. "Why are you mad at me? Please, Gusti… I'm sorry – we can talk about it, but I really, really, really need to pee!"

He pressed his legs together when Gustav turned on the water, and bit his lip.

For a nice hotel, the bathrooms were small, and Gustav was able to flip the lock, then turn back towards the wall with his bath pillow.

"Fine, take a leak, whatever, make a puddle, I don't care."

He had actually been considering giving Geo his present early, last night, after they'd had amazing, slow, gentle sex, but that hadn't happened. Maybe he was just stupid to want to go to the next step anyway.

"THANK YOU," Georg breathed, then peed for half an hour. Then he flushed and washed his hand, and jumped when he saw himself in the mirror. "Jesus Christ, I look like crap."

He leaned forward and eyed himself for a long moment, then turned to Gustav, sat down on his knees and wrapped his arms around the other man, kissing the back of his neck and nuzzling his soft curls. 

"I'm sorry, baby," he murmured. "I passed out on you last night, didn't I?"

He bit his lip. "I'm really, really sorry. I was really looking forward to last night; it was supposed to be special, and now I screwed it all up. I'm sorry, honestly. But Patty refilled my glass almost every couple of minutes, and… ONLY with booze, not juice. I'm sorry. Okay? Let me make it up to you?"

He continued kissing Gustav's neck, nuzzling him.

Gustav kept his face to the wall. "Doesn't matter," he muttered. "It woulda been just another fuck in the end, right? Just like the one before that and the one before that."

He shifted a little – he didn't know why he felt so hurt, but he did. "Don't apologize. What's done is done, and so, whatever. We have shit to do today anyway. You probably want to hang your picture."

Georg frowned. "Baby, how can you say that?" he said softly, stroking Gustav's belly. "Every time we have sex is special, and I really hate that we didn't get to do it last night. I mean, I did tell you I was looking forward to it, right? Besides, you've passed out on me before too."

He smooched Gustav's neck, then sucked on his ear. "Besides, we've only been sleeping for like… two or three hours, so it's still TONIGHT, and not too late to have an absolutely amazing time."

He stroked Gustav's belly, then slid his hand a little lower.

"Not when it was going to be special, I haven't passed out. I made sure not to drink too much cause I wanted it TO be special. But like I said, fuck it. Don't worry."

He willed his body to not respond, even though it did, and then sniffled – completely unexpectedly. "I'll be out in a little while – you should sleep more. A couple of hours aren’t enough."

Georg sighed. "Gustav…"

He wrapped his arms around him, then, with amazing Hagen strength, managed to lift him out of the tub and carry him into the bedroom. He sat him down on the bed, then knelt in front of him, cupping his cheeks. 

"Honey, I'm sorry. I love you more than anything in the world and I never meant to hurt or disappoint you. You're the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with – of course I didn't mean to hurt you. So please, let me just…," he kissed Gustav's knee, then his thigh, "make it up to you.”

Gustav was well aware who was the more mature of the two of them, and also understood that most people didn't get that sometimes, sulking and feeling bad was necessary for him to get over a disappointment. And he knew Georg was one of those people who didn't understand that. It was actually one of the things he loved about him, oddly enough.

Maybe only children just had it like that.

Maybe what he had planned was stupid. Maybe he and Georg were just meant to be lovers for however long, and that was it. Maybe wanting more was the stupidest thing he'd ever done. 

That little box was coloring everything…

He listened, then swallowed. "I love you too. I love you _too much_ … a lot."

He chewed on his lip. "I'm in a weird mood, sorry. You don't have to make anything up to me, honestly. I don't think I can even… respond."

Georg looked up at him. "I love YOU too much too," he said softly. "But that's okay."

He gave him a little smile and kissed his chin. "You are responding. Or your body is, anyway. But we don't have to do anything. Just let me hold you, and we'll have our perfect night soon. And, I mean, for the night to be really perfect, I would have to be waxed, right?"

He smiled again, then stood up and pulled Gustav fully onto the bed, getting behind him and spooning him. He kissed the back of his neck, then his shoulder and pulled him close, breathing him in. 

He hated that he'd fallen asleep on Gustav; it was the first time it had happened and he never wanted it to happen again. That was why he usually didn't get drunk as much as he wanted to; he always looked forward to having sex with Gustav and wanted to be conscious enough to make it amazing for his baby. So from now on, he would resist and just be completely there, at least when they had something like this planned. 

He pulled Gustav closer and kissed the back of his ear, nuzzling him. Sometimes they didn't even have to have sex for their time spent together to be perfect. THIS was just as a perfect, in Georg's opinion.

Gustav managed a tiny smile at the 'waxed' comment. "You're always perfect, no matter what. You're absolutely perfect in every way."

He let Georg wrap himself around him, glad to not be face to face, cause he knew that in a matter of seconds, there would be tears, and he didn't want Georg to see them.

Gustav rarely cried; it had to be a really emotional moment, something that touched him to his core to make him cry. He wasn't sure why this was one of those things, except that he was afraid.

What if Georg said no? What if, despite saying he loved him more than anything, it still wasn't enough? What if this was a HUGE, AWFUL, VERY BAD IDEA?

He had no one to talk to about this, and realizing that was sad too. His parents were loons, his siblings were useless and his grandparents, well… they were biased. He didn't think they'd understand.

The person who might get it, oddly enough, was Bill, but if he called him, that would also be a BAD IDEA.

He took a shaky breath, and despite the warmth of Georg wrapped around him, he had to turn his face into the pillow and cry.

Georg knew he wasn't supposed to see Gustav's tears, but he could feel him shaking and it was obvious that he WAS crying. He wasn't sure what was upsetting Gustav so much; it couldn't possibly be what had happened tonight, could it?

He stroked Gustav's belly gently, kissed his shoulder and whispered comforting words. After a moment, he rested his head on Gustav's shoulder. "Do you want to be alone?" he whispered, not wanting to leave, but understanding that sometimes, Gustav – and everyone – just needed some alone-time.

Gustav hated, _hated_ that Georg was seeing him cry – he would not be able to explain how much he hated this if he'd had to. He felt lessened somehow.

He was shivering, feeling cold as hell despite the warmth of Georg's body heat, and finally nodded. "Yeah, please," he whispered. "It's nothing you did, it's just… I need to be by myself."

He pulled the covers up over him and pressed his face into the pillow, letting himself finally cry fully.

Georg nodded. "Okay, baby. I'll go outside and have a few smokes."

He kissed Gustav's shoulder, then slid out of the bed, put on his clothes, and went for a walk. He wasn't sure when he'd be allowed to come back, but would try to stay out for an hour or two…

Gustav managed to nod, and for the next half hour he cried, hard into the pillow, till his head ached, his eyes felt about ready to come out of his head and he felt even more miserable than before.

But he finally managed to get himself up, off the bed and into the shower, then dressed in the clean clothes he'd had the foresight to bring. He looked over at the ones he'd brought for Georg and sniffled, then sat down and flipped mindlessly through the channels.

The Santa murder was still on the news – grief counseling was being offered to the children who had witnessed the killing, and the newscasters were blathering on about the police following leads, which meant that no one knew anything.

He hadn't looked at his phone, but did now. The coroner had her report, and wanted him to call her.

Why didn't he even care?

…

After walking around for a few minutes, Georg decided that it was too freaking cold to stay outside, so he went home. Their flat wasn't far away, and that way, he could take a hot shower and just wait a little until Gustav called him.

When Georg didn't come back, Gustav was sure that Georg had somehow figured out that he didn't really love Gustav, that he was a huge pain in the ass, and was home packing all his stuff, and would leave him forever.

His mind told him he was an asshole, but Gustav's heart shouted louder and his brain finally gave up and crawled back into his medulla oblongata to sulk.

He picked up his phone and scrolled through the numbers, thinking that here was a shit ton of people and no one cared.

The last number on the list was one he figured he would never call again – why would he? This boy was from his past, not his present, and this boy had moved on – if not with his brother, then someone else.

He hit send and listened dumbly to the ringtone.


	8. Bill

Pretty quickly, the "boy" picked up, a smile in his voice. "Hello? Gustav, is that you? What a coincidence! I just arrived in Hamburg – literally just got off the plane and turned my phone on!"

Gustav's breath caught – even after all this time, Bill's voice still had the same effect on him.

"Hi Bill," he said softly. "Yeah, it’s me, and really? That IS a coincidence. I didn't think you were ever coming back here… but oh, right, Christmas…"

He took a breath. "How are you?"

Bill smiled, shivering a little when he heard Gustav's voice. "Yeah, Christmas. It's not like my family will want to celebrate with me since none of us are on speaking terms, but Tom has a cooking competition in Italy, so I thought I'd take the time off from New York as well and visit some old friends. I was actually going to call you later today."

He smiled. "I'm okay. It's kind of weird not to have Tom around for Christmas. But the cooking competition actually ends before Christmas, so he might make it back before Christmas Eve. But… I'm doing great. What about you? It's a weird time for you to be calling, isn't it? I haven't changed my cell phone clock yet, but isn't it like… 5 or 6 am?"

He paused. "Is everything okay, Gustav?"

"That would be weird, yeah, but I'm still glad you're here, and it’s really nice that you were gonna call me. I'm glad you're doing so well."

He swallowed, and when Bill asked him if everything was okay, he horrified himself all over again by sniffling. "No," he whispered. "It's really not. I'm freaking out, I don't know how to think and I'm really afraid he's gonna say no."

Bill blinked, confused. "He what? Wait, Gusti, slow down. Wait, are you crying? Are you alone? Where are you? Wherever you are, I'll come over. I just need to drop my bags at the hotel – I'm staying at Crowne Plaza, so that's not too far away from where you live… or used to live…"

He paused and talked to someone for a moment. "Hang on, just gonna get into a cab."

He was silent for a moment, and when he was in the car, he grabbed the phone again. "Okay, love, tell me where you are."

"No, I'm not crying," protested Gustav, who certainly _was_ , and wiped his face. "And Billi, you don't have to…"

But Bill was already mucking around on the other end of the phone, and he was absurdly glad Bill hardly ever listened.

He sniffled again. "I'm actually AT the… yeah, Crowne Plaza. We had our Christmas party here, the department, and I got a room cause last night I was thinking about… but I didn't and now he hates me and…"

He sniffled more. "I'm… the coffee shop downstairs, cause… yeah, there."

Bill tried to understand but Gustav was sobbing and sniffling and not making much sense, so he just 'shhhhh'ed him. "It's okay, I'll be there soon. And you don't need to come down to the coffee shop; I'll just come to your room, or you to mine, and we'll have breakfast in the room. I don't think you're up to breakfast in public right now. My room number is…"

He looked through his purse and found the reservation. "483, as far as I understand, so why don't you just come to that room in about 15 minutes, hm? Go splash some water into your face, take a deep breath, and then… come to me."

Gustav hung up then, thoroughly embarrassed and thought about crawling underneath the bed and just staying there, avoiding housekeeping and maybe the world, forever.

Or until he was hungry. Or maybe not.

He washed his face – again – and couldn't hide how tear-ravaged he looked. He couldn't even try.

He sat down on the bed and stared at his feet for a long time, until he figured Bill would be in his room, then got up and trudged up one flight of stairs to the fourth floor – room 483.

He knocked, then leaned against the doorframe.

Bill opened the door after a moment and grinned when he saw Gustav. "Gusti!"

He wrapped his arms around him and hugged him for a long moment, smiling into his neck. "I've missed you so much."

He sighed happily and stroked Gustav's curls, wrapping one around his finger. Then he pulled him inside and closed the door behind them. He cupped his cheeks and smooched his nose. "Let's order some breakfast and talk, all right?"

Gustav hugged Bill back – it was so different from hugging Geo, he thought. Georg was short, yeah, but he was solid and muscular, where Bill was tall and thin. It was like hugging a willow tree, but familiar all the same.

He breathed Bill in for a moment before letting him go. "I've missed you too, Bill… I can't believe you're actually here. It's been more than a year already!"

Bill was wearing what could only be considered a 'plane outfit': Baggy – for him – jeans, a sleeveless top with an equally baggy sweatshirt over it, and a beanie on his head. 

Gustav looked into the soft brown eyes, lighter in color than his own, and nodded. "Okay," he said softly, taking a breath. "That sounds good – dunno if I can eat, but I'll try."

At that, Bill stopped and stared at him. "YOU? YOU don't know if you can EAT?"

He blinked, digesting that – so to speak. Then he tugged Gustav over to the bed, sat him down and ordered breakfast. Then he sat down next to him, turned to him and looked at him expectantly. "Okay. Tell me everything. Why can't you eat? Why are you crying?"

He paused, his eyes widening. "You're not back on the coke, are you? Please tell me you're not…"

Gustav's own eyes widened at that. "Fuck no – would my ass be this size if I was snorting blow? No, no, never going back there."

He sighed and pulled off his jacket, tossing it to a desk chair. "No, I just – it’s been a rough night and I'm not that hungry cause I feel like throwing up, but maybe when the food gets here, I'll feel normal again."

He took a breath. "Okay, so… Geo and I are together. You might have figured we'd wind up that way, or not, but we are. And… I love him, and I was going to… I mean I bought a ring. An actual engagement ring. For him," he added unnecessarily. "So, last night was the office Christmas party, which, in retrospect, is a shitty time to plan anything, cause people get wasted and all, but I thought… I was gonna ask him. Last night. I had champagne and all that shit, and yeah, I drank, and he drank, but apparently a LOT more than me. So we came up to the room, I was gonna be really romantic and… he passed out on me. I was really hurt, Bill, and I don't get why, cause it’s not like he knew something was coming. He has no idea in that curly head of his, I'm sure of that."

He took a breath. "I slept in the tub, I was so pissed, and this morning – well, earlier – he came in, and I told him to sod off, and he tried to make it up to me, and I got all emo – obviously. I couldn't tell him why, so he decided to leave me alone, cause I hate people seeing me cry, so he left and I was alone and he probably thinks I'm a total wanker now, and is home packing."

He sniffled again. "And now I wonder if the ring was a mistake, if we're just meant to be whatever, as long as we can, and if he's not the One, and if he's sick of me or…"

He bit his lip and looked down at his tightly clenched fingers.

Bill listened to all that, then rubbed his chin and smiled. "You wanna propose to him? Awww! That is so sweet, Gustav. And honey, I honestly don't think he did it on purpose or that the fact that he passed out on you means anything bad. He was probably just really drunk and tired and couldn't help it. And I highly doubt that he's packing. I remember him as being very, very stubborn and he's always supported you and been there for you, so… he's not going anywhere, Gustav. If he wanted to break up with you, he would tell you."

He touched Gustav's cheek. "He IS your One, baby. I know it. I've always known it. We were meant to be temporary, but you and Georg? That's IT."

Gustav listened, then took a shaky breath. "I'm so nervous," he whispered. "I've never backed down from anything in my life – other than spiders and boa constrictors intent on draining my life force – but this is scary, Bill. This fucking terrifies me and I don't think it’s supposed to, is it?"

He was even sweating. This was definitely the way you wanted to meet up with a gorgeous ex-boyfriend.

Bill chewed on his bottom lip thoughtfully. "Maybe you're not ready to ask him?" he asked softly. "Maybe you just really want the relationship to go that way, and it will, but it's too soon to ask him? Or you're just… well, nervous. I suppose it's normal to be nervous before you ask that big question."

He touched Gustav's hair. "I don't think you have a reason to BE nervous, though, seriously. What's the worst thing that can happen? Georg says no, that he's not ready yet, but that wouldn't mean that he doesn't love you. But honestly? I think he's going to say yes."

"How did you get to be the voice of reason?" Gustav gave him a little smile. "You were always the romantic. But I am nervous, which I hate. I mean, there's no reason for him to say no, right? But what if he DOES? It will mean that I've been royally stupid for a year, or more, and my life will just be fucked."

He rubbed his face. "I guess I need to think. But never mind me anymore – you, Billi. What's going on with you? You look gorgeous, you smell amazing, you look happy."

His smile now was much more genuine.

Bill smiled. "I've always been very reasonable," he said cheerfully. "And hey, I'm still the romantic! I'm the one telling you Georg loves you, remember?"

He smiled, then wrapped an arm around him. "It will be fine, I promise. And if not, just tell me. I'm gonna kick Georg's butt – or _I_ will marry you instead."  
"True, true." Gustav grinned. "I would love to see you kick Georg's butt, honestly. Maybe not with your pointy boots, but…" Gustav snorted, sounding much more like himself, listening. "Honey, marrying me would doom you to a life of random bullshit and crazy inlaws."

Bill snickered. "With my pointy boots… that could get really, really painful."

He grinned, then sighed happily and smiled. "Well… I've been going to school – and actually studying." He grinned. "Exploring New York, tasting Tom's amazing food and… nothing else, really. We go out sometimes but I haven't met anyone new. I've… yeah." He shook his head. "Since you, there hasn't been anyone serious."

Gustav raised a brow. "You're studying? I mean… really studying? And I love New York – I'd love to visit and really have a chance to look around there."

Bill shook his head. "Yes, I'm actually studying. Of course my major is fashion, so it's not like it's torture or anything." He grinned. "And you should come to New York! I would love to show you around."

Bill had on one of his patented beanies, and now tugged it off, making Gustav blink – then stare.

After taking off his hat, Bill raised a brow at Gustav, then laughed. "Oh right, the hair! I've had it for a month or so, so I'm used to it now – even though I still sometimes flinch when I look in the mirror."

Gustav smiled, then blinked again. "Honey… you're blond! Even more so than me!"

Bill beamed. "Do you like it?"

Gustav couldn't help but beam back, because dammit, Bill did that to him. “It's so short… I somehow never imagined you cutting it, but you look amazingly gorgeous Billi, always. And yes, I do like it."

Bill smiled. "I know! Thank you! I actually cut it before I bleached it. I can show you some pictures – I've tried quite a few haircuts in the past months." 

"I'd love to see pics," said Gustav honestly. "I admire those who try lots of different looks, cause you know I look the same all the time. Maybe I should dye mine blue or something like that."

Bill raised a brow. "Well, you DID dye it pink when you guys were in France or wherever. You sent me a pic of that." He smiled. "It was a good look for you by the way! I liked it."

“True, true I did. And surprisingly, a whole lot of people liked that look. Hmmm. My brother photoshopped a purple tutu on me and is using that as his Christmas card, the fuckwit."

Bill grinned. "Seriously? That's evil! But I'd love to have that card."

"You can have mine," grumbled Gustav, "complete with the touching message he wrote inside it. When he's finally institutionalized for impersonating the Chancellor, you can sell it on Ebay."

Bill smiled and leaned against Gustav, but then had to get up because the food arrived. Not on its own, obviously, but with a waiter. He took the cart, tipped the room service guy and closed the door. "Mmmm, look at this! You hungry NOW?"

Gustav smelled the food and his stomach audibly rumbled. "Okay, I think I could eat now, honestly. Are those Eggs Benedict?"

Bill confirmed that, nodded and reached for his coffee and sipped. "God, it all looks so delicious, dude! Not as good as Tom's breakfast, but… well, he doesn't do the whole thing every morning. Usually it's just Kellogg's." He grinned and ate some egg.

Gustav poured him and Bill coffee, then sighed. "Tom's breakfasts ARE excellent, I have to say. And he's what, in Italy, cooking in a competition? Fancy. But you were always dedicated to cereal, as I recall."

He was feeling much better, and he knew it was 90% Bill and 10% food.

Bill giggled, then nodded. "They are. Everything Tom makes is excellent. But I love cereal, so it's all good." He gave him a smile. "So how are things between you and Georg? Apart from your minor worries which will be gone by the time I'm done with you, is everything as perfect as you thought it would be?"

Gustav smiled at Biil, who really did look beautiful – un-made up, which had always been Gustav's preference, and blond, which suited him. And without the lion's mane, Bill's face was the focal point, and a very pretty one.

He swallowed the last of his egg, cause fine, he'd been hungry, and pondered. It kind of felt weird talking about his new OLD love with his old love. Sort of. He hadn't stopped loving Bill any more than Georg had stopped loving Tom, but it was different now.

"Well," he said, thinking. "99% of the time it's great – we're very similar in some ways, and still different enough to make it interesting. And we do love each other, maybe too much. And the 1% of the time that we argue or want to punch each other, all works out in the end. I really… Georg is in my blood, somehow, always has been."

He sipped coffee. "But I don't think I really understood how to love him, or anyone, before you. Without you, I really don't know where I'd be, Billi. I told you a long time ago that you were my angel, and you were. Are still."

Bill smiled. "I always knew you'd end up together. Remember? I told you, and you were like, "Noooooo, that's never gonna happen." I was totally right."

He smiled. "Never been gladder to be right because you guys are so perfect for each other. And – awww." 

His smile widened. "I AM your angel. And I'm always gonna be your angel."

He smooched Gustav's nose. "And you'll always be my hero and protector."

Gustav snorted. "You did. You told me that and I did, indeed, brush you off. I just was sure that if it hadn't happened, it wasn't going to, but turns out, we just needed a little more time. And you really think we are? Thank you."

It meant a lot to him to hear Bill say that, and he smiled. "Yes, you are, and if anyone ever gives you shit, I will hurt them bad, trust me."

Bill nodded. "I'll let you know if anyone needs to get their ass kicked."

"You'd better, or else I will find out anyway."

 

He finally turned and rubbed the sides of Bill's head gently. "I have to get my sensory input here, because you know Geo would never do this in a million and one years."

Bill smiled. "Mmmmmhhh… feel free to rub as much as you like – I love it. But no, Georg would never ever do that. But hey, if I had hair as pretty as his, neither would I."

Gustav nodded in agreement , and stroked gently. "He does have pretty hair and he likes it that way, and I'd never make him change it – well, even if I could MAKE him do anything, which I can't. Although after the unfortunate incident in Monaco, it was a lot shorter for a while. I miss his neck, not gonna lie."

Gustav sighed, then snuggled Bill for a long moment, getting his stroking and petting in while he could.

Bill had missed snuggling with Gustav – he always smelled so good and was the best snuggler in the world. Well, Tom wasn't bad either, of course, but Gustav was just so soft and comfortable and everyone always felt safe in his arms. 

He stroked Gustav's curls, then finally let go and reached for his laptop. "Okay, so let me show you everything."

He smiled and smooched Gustav's nose, then got comfortable and started showing Gustav pictures of the flat he still shared with Tom. Then he showed him some pictures of himself and Tom in New York, and then some of the clothes he'd designed and made. And finally, he showed him all the haircuts and styles he'd been through in the past months.

Gustav let go and smiled as Bill turned on his laptop and started showing him some of his photos.

"Bill, you take great pictures," he said admiringly. "I mean, even everyday things look really special when you photograph them. And fuck, you MADE these? I am sincerely impressed."

He looked at Bill. "See? You are as talented and smart as you are beautiful, and that's huge. You're gonna be famous, love. Make a line for chubby guys someday, will you? I wanna wear a Kaulitz original too."

He studied all the pictures of Bill's hair approvingly. "You really can't look bad, ever, can you? I loved it long, but with this, now, you can see your face and jaw… you look fierce, Billi, seriously."

Bill smiled. "Well, Tom got me a really fancy camera for my birthday, so I've been practicing a lot. And honestly, with a camera like that, you basically just have to push a button and a great photo comes out. But yes, I made those."

He beamed. "Of course I'm going to design clothes for every body type. I actually have a few ideas for clothes that would look really amazing on you." 

He nodded, then had to smile. "Aww, thanks, Gusti. YOU look amazing. It's obvious that you're happy and in love."

"I will eagerly await your first collection," nodded Gustav, then smiled back. "I do, huh? I thought I looked sleep-deprived and tear-stained, but normally I manage to look, well, normal."

He paused, then added, "More or less."

He touched Bill's face, then sighed. "I guess I should go home and see if I still have a boyfriend, and if by some chance I DO, see if he's speaking to me."

Bill smiled. "Okay. And you look great, Gustav. Just like you need some rest and a good cuddling session with your boyfriend and soon-to-be fiancé."

He grinned, nodding. "All right. Well, I hope we'll run into each other again while I'm here. It's really good to catch up – I've missed you. We need to make sure to email more regularly."

“Thanks love. Hopefully I can get both, and maybe manage to not be an emo train-wreck. If I can't handle this, I cannot imagine living through Christmas at my parent's."

Gustav sighed, then smiled. "We will email more often – I just didn't want to be a reminder or a pain in the ass in your new life, you know? But Billi – thank you for seeing me, and being there and… I missed you."  
“Aahh," Bill said with a grin. "That should be an interesting Christmas party!"  
"Oh God – it will be. I will take pictures and send them to you for your amusement." Gustav groaned in anticipation.

Bill touched Gustav's cheek. "Baby, you could never be a pain in the ass, and remembering the good old times is not really a bad thing at all. So we should stay in touch because I miss you and you miss me, so… we'll talk. I'm done with my first year of college, which was the worst, so now I have more time to write and call you."

He smiled. "Okay, good luck! Not that you need it. Just… be yourself, and don't be too nervous, okay? You're fabulous, and if Georg doesn't see that… well, his loss."

Gustav smiled back and stood up after a moment. "Good, then I will write more often and pester you for more, too. And honey, I'm not nearly as faboo as you." Gustav waited for Bill to stand too, and hugged him tight. "Thanks again, Bill – you helped more than you know.

"No problem, Gusti. I love spending time with you, and if I could help… well, good."

He petted his hair, then smiled and stepped back. "Well, you know my room number, so if you're ever bored… come over!"

“I will, baby. Take care, and Merry Christmas."

He waved when Gustav left to go back to his own room, smiling to himself. He really HAD missed his Gusti-bear…

Gustav kissed Bill's cheek gently and left, going back to his own room, gathering the stuff from the night before, the ring still securely tucked into his inner jacket pocket.

Then he headed home, wondering what he'd find when he got there.


	9. Reunited

What Gustav found when he came home, was Georg, sitting on the couch, doing pretty much nothing. 

He looked up when Gustav came in, eyeing him curiously. 

"Hey, baby," he said softly. "Feeling better?"

He pushed himself up and made his way over to him, sliding his arms around him and kissing his lips. "I missed you." 

"Yeah," Gustav admitted, setting his jacket and overnight bag down near the door and locking it again behind him. "I ate, got a little perspective, decided to come home and see if you were speaking to me."

He wrapped his arms around Georg too, and kissed him back. "I missed you too. I'm sorry about this morning – I was just having some issues that I didn't know what to do with."

He smoothed Georg's hair. "Are you okay?"

“It's okay, baby," Georg said softly. "It happens. I'm just glad you're back. I was beginning to get a little worried."

"I know – I'm sorry."

Georg kissed Gustav's nose, keeping his arms around him. "I'm okay, now that you're here."

He looked at him thoughtfully. "Anything you want to talk about? Did I do something?"

He paused. "Well, beside the obvious…" He gave him a sheepish smile.

Gustav buried his face in Georg's hair for a moment, then sighed. "You didn't do anything. I… I set myself up for something, you had no idea, and I got angry and disappointed and kind of lost it. It was my problem, and I dealt with it pretty badly. I'm sorry it wound up coming back on you and upsetting you."

He took Georg's hand and sat down on the couch with him. "I needed to talk to someone, and I wound up calling Bill. Turns out, he came home for Christmas, to see some friends, and was actually staying at the hotel, so I went up and saw him, had breakfast."

He rubbed his neck with one free hand. "Just him, Tom's off in Italy. It was good to see him, and he was the voice of reason, so… yeah. I just wanted you to know so you didn't somehow find out and think I was sneaking around on you. I kissed his cheek, he smooched my nose, and that was it."

Georg looked at him, stroking his hair gently. "Baby, you don't have to tell me that," he said softly. "I trust you completely; I know you wouldn't hurt me like that, even with Bill. But I'm glad you're telling me you saw him. And Tom's in Italy, huh? Too bad; it might have been fun to meet and catch up."

He stroked Gustav's back gently. "Well, I'm glad you talked to him and I hope you got whatever was bothering you out."

He kissed Gustav's nose and gave him a smile. "So, better now?"  
Damn, Georg was trusting, which was probably good, cause Gustav wasn't – he'd be the one interrogating their three year old over missing cookies, the items in the dog dish and where he'd hidden the remote. He knew this.

The thought of them having a little kid with an attitude amused him greatly, and he smiled… then scowled. "Yeah, no Tom, what a shame," he said blandly. He didn't trust Tom around Georg, not as far as he could throw him. And since Tom was bigger and heavier than Bill…

"I think I am," he said after a moment. "It's mostly just nerves and such, trauma and deep childhood issues. I'll live." He leaned against Georg. "Better now that I'm home and you haven't dumped my sorry, irrational, emo ass."

"I'm never gonna dump your ass," Georg murmured, kissing his forehead. "You're stuck with me, for the rest of your life. Or my life. Our lives."

He smiled and kissed his lips. "So you've had breakfast? I haven't. Also, I'm a bit confused with all the celebrating – is today a work day or not?"

He scratched the back of his neck.

"Promise?" Gustav smiled back and returned the kiss, maybe a bit more ardently than the hour dictated, but hey, it was Christmas.

"I have," he said after a moment of smooching. "But I could have MORE breakfast. Also, technically, today IS a work day, but I suspect it's only a skeleton crew at the office, comprised of literal skeletons, since everyone else is hung over and hating their lives today. But I still need to read the death file, formulate a hypothesis, hunt down a transgendered little person, snag some of her hormones for a comparison, find the Grinch, get him to confess, book his ass for Santacide, and, incidentally make my special rum cake for Christmas Eve, which is soon, very soon. So yeah, a typical day for me."

Georg blinked. "Whoa. You're gonna do all that in a day? That's impressive. But if anyone can do it, it's you." He smiled and kissed his lips, while Gustav eyed his boyfriend. 

"Even your curls look limp, love. You might want to consider a nap."

"You think I should nap, hm? Maybe I will. I'm pretty tired. But so should you – you didn't get much more than me."

He slid his arms around him. "Breakfast, then napping? The Grinch can wait – I doubt he's gonna strike again, so…"

Gustav beamed, his good humor mostly restored, and kissed Georg's cute little pointy nose. 

"Breakfast… then napping," he said as if the two were brand-new concepts to him, instead of a way of life. "You may just have found the key to my heart," he nodded. "So yes. I see sausage in my future," he added, smiling innocently. "Round, tasty, plump with goodness…"

Georg facepalmed. "You're a pervert," he said cheerfully. "But yes, sausage sounds great. And I know, right? Breakfast and napping is a really good idea. Too bad we can't do it simultaneously."

He grinned, then slid an arm around Gustav, patted his little bubble butt happily and led him into the kitchen.

Gustav laughed, and didn't deny it. "We could eat in bed," he said, thinking. "And then it would be ALMOST simultaneously, like an orgasm. Maybe we can have one of them later, too."

He grinned at the pat on his butt, and once in the kitchen, dipped and kissed Georg deeply, and for a long moment, before setting him upright and going to look in the freezer for – what else? Sausage.

After the kiss, Georg was a little stunned, and smiled goofily. "Well then," he said happily. "And that sounds good, all of it. Eating in bed, then having an orgasm in bed, and finally SLEEPING in bed."

He beamed, then stepped behind Gustav, looking too.

Gustav smiled at the stunned expression, loving that he could do that to Georg, and nodded. "Is it bad that we're both kind of favoring sleeping right now? We're ancient, love."

They found the sausage – both kinds – and Gustav cooked those, while Georg made his special Eggs à la Listing, which was scrambled, basically. But they always tasted really, really good. Toast completed the meal.

Breakfast cooked, they retired to bed and watched the news together, sighing over the general idiocy of the world around them.

After breakfast, they made out, had the orgasms they'd been talking about and finally passed out and slept through most of the day, waking up mid-afternoon. Then they decided to get dressed and actually do something useful. For Gustav, that was checking in at the station; because if they did find the Grinch before Christmas, they could start with a cool new case after the holidays. Georg, on the other hand, had other plans, and was glad when Gustav didn't ask him about them, since he had a little surprise planned for his boyfriend.

Gustav was not as chipper as he should be, cause napping just made him want to nap MORE, but he still managed to get his ass into the office – with some encouragement and smooches from Georg, who believed he could do anything, seeing as how he was Super Gustav!

He found the office in about the state he'd expected; hung over rookies, a nearly-dead Captain and an MIA Patty. He hoped she was just nursing a hangover and not in say, Guadalajara or something. Either was possible.

The report was on his desk and after a Red Bull and a smoke – yes, he'd given in to Georg's urging, whom, he suspected, was less concerned about his physical health than BOTH of their mental states – he reviewed the report.

"It WAS estrogen – and androgen too, what the fuck?"

No one answered, and honestly, Gustav didn’t expect them to; he just leaned back in his chair, blew smoke rings at the ceiling and thought.


	10. Drastic Makeovers And Stuffed Stockings

When Gustav was gone and off to work, Georg left the house. And he went somewhere. Somewhere to get the first part of Gustav's Christmas gift. He wasn't sure if now was the right time – or if there even WAS a right time, but he had to do it now, or he never would. 

And he wasn't even sure if Gustav would like his… kind of creative gift in the first place, so Georg was even more nervous. Very nervous indeed…

***

When Gustav came home that evening, Georg was sitting on a living room chair, a romantic candlelight dinner already prepared on the table. Georg, however, wasn't in formal wear, but completely naked, wearing only Gustav's favorite tie – and his ONLY tie. Incidentally, it was very fitting, considering it was green and had reindeer on it. 

His pose was very _Pretty Woman_.

The biggest change, however, was not only the fact that Georg was, for once, wearing his huge dork glasses (that he usually conveniently _forgot_ at home).

He'd also gotten his hair cut. And he felt cold and naked – well, MORE naked – and hated his cut, and had no idea if Gustav would like it or if he would kill him for cutting off everything. 

Well, not exactly everything. 

But his hair was shorter than it had been in twenty years. The front was longer (and curly, dammit) and falling into his face, the back was shorter, his ears exposed and the back of his neck was a little buzzed. 

Georg thought he looked like a complete dork, but the hairdresser (whom he trusted more or less) told him that Gustav would LOVE it. 

So he hoped she was right. 

When the door opened and Gustav came in, Georg took a deep breath and crossed his legs, leaning back. "Hello darling," he purred, feeling his cheeks flush; he couldn't help it.

Gustav had muttered about hormones and facial hair most of the way home, ending with a rousing shout of "Not the beard!" which had made him laugh, and their next door neighbor look at him askance. 

Which was nothing unusual, really – Gustav personally thought they should all be used to him by now, for fuck’s sakes.

He'd stopped and bought some good wine – red AND white – and wondered idly what Georg had begged off work to go do. Some more shopping, he supposed, or to get waxed. He secretly liked it, suspected Gustav. Geo was a kinky soul at heart.

He unlocked the door and entered with his paper bag of goodness, and several things struck him.

It was dim, lit only by candles. Georg was naked. Georg was naked and wearing a tie. ONLY a tie. He was wearing his glasses, which Gustav always died for, and had tied his hair back, which he didn't usually do at home. 

Curious.

All this flashed through his mind in a moment, and then that PURR, Georg's "Come hither, Yogi Bear," purr… mmmm.

He set down his bag and smiled. "Hello, beautiful boy."

He looked Georg over, licking his lips; he didn't have his own glasses on, cause they'd steamed up in the heat, but he pulled off his jacket and walked over to Georg blindly and cupped his cheeks. 

"Hey you," he said softly, then slid his hand around to the back of Georg's neck, where he SHOULD encounter a pony tail. And didn't. In fact, he felt nothing but smooth skin, then _short_ prickly-soft hair.

He blinked, then stroked tentatively, his hand brushing upward as his eyes widened comically. "Oh my God, baby… what did you DO?"

Which was a pretty numb question, considering, but Gustav was in shock, and that was the best he could come up with on short notice. No pun intended.

He ran his fingers gently through his boyfriend's now-short-short hair, and looked down into Georg's eyes.

Georg looked less than sure about his new look and stared back up at Gustav. "Um… Merry Christmas?"

He smiled tentatively, then bit his lip and sighed. "Does it look terrible? I wanted to try something new because I know you missed the neck and the girl talked me into THIS and I'm not sure about it at all, and I probably look like a complete dork, don't I?"

He looked up again. "Do I?"

He did enjoy the petting, though, and purred some more.

Gustav was completely speechless – he'd never been so touched, honestly. He knew how fanatical Georg was about his hair, and also that he didn't generally like it short (having an unnecessary complex about his ears) – but he'd done it, _this_ , for him. Because he knew _Gustav_ loved it.

"God, no, Geo – you look beautiful."

He was completely sincere, and he stroked the back of Georg's neck, memorizing all the new textures there; his expression was one of complete lovesickness, ‘cause he was a terminal case.

He got down on his knees in front of Georg and couldn't help the wide, goofy grin as he smoothed a curl back. "I can't believe you did this for me, baby. You look incredible, and I can see that you're worried that you don't, but… you are the most beautiful man in the world to me, and all of Hamburg, Germany and Europe proper. They know perfection when they see it."

Georg looked at him worriedly, then gave him a tentative smile. "I do? Really? Well… I think I'll get used to it. I get used to just about anything, so as long as you like it, I'm happy. And mmmmhhh, keep rubbing. That feels beyond good."

Gustav took a deep breath, then let it out. "You did this for me and God, I love you so much, and you look sexy as hell and…"

Then he couldn't help himself anymore and pounced Georg, kissing – and petting – him passionately.

Georg kissed Gustav back, sliding his arms around him and sighing into his mouth. 

"I love you too," he whispered when he pulled back, smiling.

That worried look and little smile killed Gustav – his Georg knew he was hot and his motto seemed to be reminiscent of Alfred E. Neuman's – _What, Me Worry_? And now he was worried.

Gustav snuggled him, and when he was able to pull back, he DID keep rubbing, running his fingers through the thick strands, some of which curled, while others were too short to even curl. So much bare neck, shoulder… it was a smorgasbord of Georg.

"I love it," he said, meaning it. "I know it’s a shock and I can't really believe yet that you did it, but I do love it, and you, and this is the very last thing I expected you'd be doing when you took off."

Georg smiled. "Well… believe it. The long hair's not coming back anytime soon."

He gulped and licked his lips. "Actually…"

He got up and made his way into the kitchen, then came back with his cut-off ponytail. "I kept this. Thought we both might like to keep it."

Gustav actually got a bit teary at seeing the ponytail, and touched it lightly. "I DO want to keep it, yeah… and you were brave, baby." Gustav comforted him. "It won't be gone that long in the sense that it takes time to grow – well, for normal people. Yours grows at the speed of light, so even if I only get this for month, it means the world that you did this just so I could have my fill of neck, shoulders… collarbones… ears…"

He looked down; he was hard. "See, Gustavo likes it a whole lot too."

Gustav looked back up and grinned. "Did you tear up or were you a tough boy in the chair, huh? I would have held your hand, but then again, that pretty much blows the surprise."

Georg sighed. "I was… a little teary, I have to admit. But I got over it and just tried to be tough. And yes, let's eat! I made burgers. Not really romantic food, I know, but… I think they're pretty good, and we like that better than the fancy food anyway, right?"

Gustav stood up and moved around to Georg's back, then gently licked, then kissed his bare neck, closing his eyes for a moment before making himself step away. He was going to ravish his boy, yeah, but he needed sustenance, and just to LOOK at Georg for a while.

"Burgers are perfect, and you make the best ones ever – and should I be naked too?"

Georg smiled. "And I'm very much looking forward to getting everything kissed. It feels so gooood!"

He smiled, then had to laugh. "Hey, do I ever say no to naked you?"

He wiggled his brows. "I'll get the food, you strip. I want you completely bare by the time I get back."

“Completely?"

Gustav looked down when he'd stripped – he was a little furry, and there was no time to either shave OR wax, so he guessed 'bare' was a general guideline.

He tossed his clothes in the direction of the hamper, then went to the table; Georg had actually used real plates and silverware, which was big, considering that they were the country's leading consumers of paper plates and plastic forks. And the candles, and wine, and…

He never really doubted that Georg loved him – he knew it had taken his boy a while to come to same level of certainty that he had felt early on, but he knew the love was just as deep as his own. But this, for some reason, seemed like a really BIG I love you.

He sat down and got comfortable, or as much as he could, considering Gustavo was still at full attention, and waited.

A moment later, Georg came back with two plates, setting one down in front of Gustav and kissing his shoulder. Then he sat down on his own spot and smiled at him. 

There was a giant cheeseburger with onions and bacon and tomatoes and salad and everything, and fries, and more salad. "Do you want anything else on your burger? I have ketchup and mustard and my special sauce, and…"

He smiled. "God, you're beautiful. Sometimes it just hits me."

Gustav looked down at the food, and licked his lips. He was a decent cook, even good at some stuff, but Georg was really good, and this looked delicious.

"Baby, this is perfect, honestly; everything looks fantastic."

He gave Georg a sweet grin, then raised a brow. "I'M beautiful? Honey, YOU are beautiful. You have been since the first day I laid eyes on you at Academy, and it’s never changed, only gotten more intense. Also? The tie is a nice touch.”

He reached over to touch his cheek. "I don't know if it’s just the cut, or the fact that you did it for me, but seriously, I'm teary, so beware. Aroused AND teary, even."

Georg smiled. "Aroused AND teary? Wow…"

“I know, right? This could be a lethal combination."

Georg reached over, taking Gustav's hand and kissing it. "I'm glad you like it, seriously. I was so worried and felt naked and weird when I left the salon, but I'm beginning to get used to it. And yes, you're beautiful."

Gustav smiled back at Georg, cause honestly, Georg had the most beautiful smile – he supposed having two dentists as parents kind of dictated that – but it was gorgeous, infectious.

"Dude, I bet you did feel naked," he said, squirting ketchup on his fries. "But you didn't need to worry if I'd like it or not. I mean, you know I have a neck fetish. Well… your neck. I will definitely be making it worth your while to have done this, baby."

He sighed happily, and began to eat, stealing as many glances at Georg as he could. His face looked so different to him, somehow.

Georg grinned. "I'm glad to hear that," he said happily. He rubbed the back of his neck, then started eating, sighing happily too – they both liked to eat. 

"GOD, I'm a good cook," he said cheerfully, grinning at Gustav, who nodded enthusiastically. 

"You are a fucking amazing cook, and you don't see me leaving any food behind now, do you? Your bacon burgers are to die for, and if I get to choose how I go out, it will be OD-ing on these. Or dying from excessive orgasms. First the cheeseburgers, THEN the orgasms, preferably."

Georg noticed Gustav's glances and had to smile. "I am so taking you to bed later."

Gustav had to grin at Georg’s announcement. "You had better, cause I am going to fuck you senseless. And lick, kiss, suck and bite you too. You have NO idea."

Georg grinned. "That sounds like a pretty sweet way to go, dude. And oooh, really? Do you want to look at the neck while you do?"

He wiggled his brows, grinning.

"God yes," said Gustav fervently. "It will look like all the vampires from Twilight descended on your luscious neck when I'm done with you."

Georg grinned. "Is that a promise?"

“Better fucking believe it,” he affirmed and told Georg a little bit about the coroner's report, ending with. "This is a weird case. I mean, all our cases are odd, but damn, this is… well, fitting for the holidays."

Georg propped his chin on his hand and listened to Gustav. "It IS an odd case, but we'll figure it out. You know we solve every case, eventually."

Done, and with two glasses of wine under his, erm, non-existent belt, Gustav licked his lips and looked at Georg. "Wanna stuff my stocking, baby?"

Georg sipped some water, then almost choked on it and coughed. "Stuff your stocking? Dude…"


	11. Post-Dinner Exercises

After recovering from his near-choking experience, Georg sucked in a breath and grinned. "I would love to stuff your stocking."

Gustav smirked then added, "in this case, the stocking is my ass, and you are the stuffer. I am the stuffee. But first, foreplay! Lots of it, so I hope you took your Viagra."

He bounced a little. "Clean up later," he said, standing up, and noting that Gustavo was once again ready for action, like any good appendage should be.

He moved around the table and tugged Georg up, then kissed him hard and needily.

"I did get that," Georg laughed. "I'm just trying to figure out if stuffer and stuffee sounds erotic or not." He grinned. "But yay for foreplay. And you're bossy."

He smiled and wrapped his arms around him, kissing him back, sliding his hands into Gustav's curls.

"Mmm, I knew you would, cause you are brilliant and sexy and I love you."

That about covered it all, thought Gustav, and sighed when Georg tugged on his curls, because he really loved it. He hated the curls, per se, but reluctantly kept them long enough to pull on cause Georg liked them. So this whole haircut thing actually had precedent.

Precedent, Jesus. All they needed was the Law and Order theme now and…

He forcibly yanked his brain back to the event at hand; it was sort of like walking a big St. Bernard while drunk. The bastard could easily sniff something new and chase after it, and that was that.

Anyway.

Neck. Shoulders. Collarbones, and oh yes, EARS. He never got ear. Or never HAD gotten it easily before.

Fucking YUM.

He walked backwards into their bedroom, keeping Georg locked in that kiss.

Georg opened his eyes for a moment to make sure they wouldn't run straight into a door or wall or something even harder and possibly pointy, but Gustav seemed to know their flat really well and guided them straight through the doorway and towards the bed. When they reached it, Georg broke the kiss, then sucked on Gustav's bottom lip, looking into his eyes. 

"So," he panted when he finally drew back a little. "What was your plan again? I'm the stuffer, you're the stuffee, or the other way around?"

Gustav was momentarily stunned by the sucking – once, Georg had bitten his lip so hard that it had swelled, and for two days, he'd looked and sounded like Donald Duck.

He blinked, then smiled, his own breath coming a little harder than normal. "Actually, I am the stuffer for this round, cause I'm taking your sweet ass from behind so I can lickkisssuckmolest your neck, and then you can stuff on round two, cause God, I have earlobes to suck. I plan on being plenty busy here. We can rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock for the whole thing, but I cheat like a mofo, as you know."

He was a dirty cheater at that game, and no one could figure out how he did it. It was like an ancient Chinese secret. If he were Chinese and not solidly German with their pervy needs and…

He yanked the leash and looked into Georg's eyes, not even realizing that he was bouncing. Sure, Santa was dead, the Grinch on the loose, and the elves were on hormones, but he had a gorgeous boyfriend who'd gone all Gift of the Magi on him, and the rest would have to wait.

Until Christmas, or Boxing Day, or possibly, next Thursday.

Georg raised a brow and licked his lips. "That sounds very, very, VERY tempting. Take my sweet ass from wherever you want and do those unspeakable things to my neck. I'm all yours."

He grinned, then got into the bed, getting on all fours and wiggling his ass.

"See how easy it is to cooperate with the nice officer?" purred Gustav, who thought briefly about his handcuffs – the special ones lined with purple velvet – but decided no, later.

He licked HIS lips when Georg was in position – it was a little odd to be able to see his face, and not a dark brown waterfall of hair, but Gustav loved it, and spanked his ass gently, pushing him down flat – also gently – so he could lay on top of him. 

He slid his arms around Georg, one hand slipping down to wrap around his cock, the other on his chest, so he could tease pinkish nipples.

He nuzzled Georg's bare neck, brushing his lips over the soft skin, trailing his tongue along the hairline.

Georg closed his eyes and sighed, leaning into the touch and smiling when his neck was kissed. "Mmmhhh… now I know why you like it when I kiss yours so much. It feels so good… Mmmhh…"

His cock was already hard, and he was ready – he wanted to be fucked hard. HARD.

Gustav whispered against Georg's neck, licked more, then blew on the licked spots, squeezing Georg's cock with just the right amount of pressure, wanting him to be so turned on he could barely contain himself.

Or he could beg, which would be hot too.

For the next ten minutes Gustav licked, nibbled, sucked – below the collar line though, cause they still had to look relatively normal – and squeezed gently while pinching Georg's nipples, till Geo was basically bucking like a bronco underneath him, and whimpering.

God, that was a sweet sound, that whimpering; Gustav had pouting in his arsenal, but Georg’s sex whimper made him want to give him the fucking universe with ketchup on it.  
"Mmmmhhh, fuck me," Georg breathed. "Gustav, I mean it. You need to… well, stuff me. Now."

He snorted a little, but looked over his shoulder and licked his lips. "Please…"

Gustav snorted. "You are my little tasseled stocking," he grinned, then kissed under Georg's ear and licked the lobe before sliding to the side and reaching for the lube. 

He stroked the area around Georg's opening, then bit each cheek – just for fun – and made him get up on all fours again, running a hand along his spine.

He kissed Georg's shoulder. "You're beautiful, baby," he whispered, before finally sliding into him, groaning. Georg was still as tight as the first time they'd ever been together, and when he clenched, Gustav was in heaven.

Georg groaned, and remembered their first time together too, at that moment and had to smile. But then he focused on Gustav and the feel of his cock inside him, and moaned, gripping the sheets. 

"You're beautiful," he babbled. "You're beautiful and perfect and feel amazing and so BIG and I can never get enough of you and fuck me now, baby, fuck me hard…"

Gustav snickered, and slid his arms back around Georg, starting to move, angling himself just right for the maximum amount of pleasure for the boy he loved.

He kept kissing Georg's shoulder, finally pressing his cheek against his sweaty back, rocking with Georg, stroking him in rhythm with their push and pull. Nothing could feel better than this, he was sure.

Georg kept his eyes closed and moaned, loving that Gustav knew exactly how to touch him, kiss him and fuck him. He couldn't imagine anything more perfect than these hours with Gustav. He reached behind himself and touched Gustav's side gently, turning his head and looking at him intently, panting as he continued to meet Gustav's thrusts, his whole body shaking.

Georg usually wasn't capable of making eye contact at this point – he was usually pre-goo and that took all his concentration. Gustav had the brief thought that maybe losing the hair had actually given Georg some strength, and he smiled involuntarily at the thought.

He glanced back up; Georg was still watching him, and even if he was purple with orange polka-dots at this point – entirely possible – Gustav couldn't stop.

Somehow, the gentle touches, combined with how he was feeling about Georg already, and the physical intensity, combined for perhaps the most explosive, draining orgasm he'd ever had, and he nearly broke Georg in two with how hard he squeezed him.

He shouted something – later, he'd wondered if he was speaking in tongues – and then pressed his nose into the fuzzy nape of Georg's neck, his heart pounding.

Georg's orgasm was just as intense and felt like it was going on for hours. Then he collapsed onto the bed, panting heavily. He brushed his hair out of his face, before he remembered that he didn't HAVE enough hair left to push away. 

He finally rolled onto his back and grinned at Gustav goofily. "That was amazing."

Gustav had just managed to pull out, and rolled onto his back, too. "Dude, it WAS."

He caught his breath after a few moments, and grinned. "I was inspired by your fuzziness," he said, smoothing the few stubborn, stray curls off Georg's forehead; they were wet, and stayed where he pushed them.

They both lay there, panting. "I didn't hurt you, did I?" Gustav looked over, biting his lip. "I kind of slammed you hard, baby…"

Georg looked at him and grinned. "No, you didn't hurt me. It was very… inspiring." 

He rolled onto his side and slid an arm around him. "I don't think you even CAN hurt me, baby. It just felt amazing. Yeah, I'm going to be sore for a few days but I'll survive."

Gustav laughed. "Good, I shared the inspiration."

He turned a little on his side. "You really do look beautiful, Hagen. I know it’s a huge change and it's gonna be weird for you for a little while, but you're gorgeous, and hot, and I can't believe that I can love you more every single second than I did the second before. And the fact that you did this for me is just… staggering."

He pressed soft kisses against his temple. "I'd change something for you, but I'm not sure what I have enough of to get rid of… other than snark, but I think you kind of like that."

Georg shook his head and smiled. "I don't want you to change anything. You're perfect just the way you are." 

He kissed his cheek and wrapped his arms around him. "But if you want to get those pink streaks again at some point…" He laughed. "That was cute."

Gustav groaned into Georg's shoulder, then laughed when Georg laughed; it was kind of impossible not to, cause that laugh was infectious.

In fact, it was that laugh he'd fallen in love with, back on their third day of Academy. That head-thrown-back, knee-slapping bellow had just knocked him for a loop, and he had fallen completely, irrevocably and totally in love.

Georg grinned. "I did like the pink. It was completely unexpected and completely ridiculous but it looked so GOOD on you. And… I don't know which color. Maybe a mix of both! That would look cute. I know you think you looked ridiculous, but…”

"It WAS completely ridiculous, and the things I do for a case even amaze me."

Gustav couldn't help grinning. "God, I work all this time to be bad-ass, and it turns out that pink is the new blond the whole time. But okay. I will pink myself for your enjoyment."

When they had regained a little more breath, Gustav reached for his wine, sharing it with Georg. “Tis the season for drastic haircuts, apparently; Bill chopped all his off and bleached himself blonde.”

Georg nuzzled him and sipped some wine, raising a brow. "He did? Wow, seriously?"

He paused. "I can't imagine him blond… is it like Tom's natural color or lighter?" 

Gustav kissed Georg thoroughly for a long moment, then snuggled again. "He seriously did; it's buzzed on the sides, longer on the top. And… hmm, lighter. Tom's was kind of darkish blonde, wasn't it? But yeah, Bill's is like close to white-blonde. It shouldn't look good on him, but of course it does, cause he's Bill. Most people would look completely ridiculous, but he looks like his model self.” 

“That does sound pretty. But Bill always looks pretty, so that's not a big surprise."

“He does, damn him. First thing in the morning, even. I guess it’s cool if you have it like that. I look like an unmade bed, and it doesn't get much better all day. Guess they're both doing well though – his English is a million times better than it was, though. We spoke that because I think he kind of forgot he was back in Germany.”

Georg laughed. "Seriously? I can't imagine speaking a different language with someone who speaks German. That would be weird. But I'm glad they're all right. We should visit them in New York at some point. And aw, don't be ridiculous. You look perfect, any time of the day." 

"Seriously. It was a little odd, but I don't think it registered, and hey, I enjoy English – the word 'fuck' especially. I also like bastard and asshole. And portkey. I like that word a lot." He mused for a moment, then snorted. "We should, but only if Tom has been spayed or neutered, respectively. He would jump on you like my Opa on a bottle of Grey Goose."

Gustav nodded and got out of bed briefly and refilled their wineglasses, bringing them back into the bedroom, and God, Georg just… damn. Damn, damn, damn.

"You? You are pouncealicious."

He handed Georg his wine and sucked his earlobe briefly, for good measure. Then he settled back in. 

Georg kissed his cheek and drank some wine. "Pouncelicious? Yes, you are. And yeah, those are great words, true. We should just use them in German."

He grinned, then raised a brow after sipping some more wine. "And come on, Tom's not that bad. And I'm not that good. Or something. Either way, he wouldn't pounce me."  
"I don't know if there's a word for portkey, other than, well, portkey. And where the hell would we use it? "Ello, captain, no we don't need a squad car today – we got ourselves a portkey! Or "That's not just a manky old boot, mate – that's a portkey!"

Gustav paused. "Mmm, remind me to watch Goblet of Fire one of these days – back when Rob Pattinson was a hot tri-wizard champion, and not some pussy vampire.”

Georg cracked up. "Can you imagine his face if we said that?" He giggled. "Oh god. And yes, sure."

He stretched and sighed, finishing his wine. "We should get some sleep. We'll need all our energy.”  
Gustav nodded in agreement. "You know, if he is, indeed, fucking Patty, _nothing_ we do should surprise him. Hell, I can't believe he's still upright and breathing, if that should be the case."

He sighed and downed his red; he would sleep like a baby. A baby who had a gorgeous boyfriend with a lickable neck and fuzzy hair to rub.

Mmm.

"Okay. What are we going to need energy for?"

Georg looked at him and raised a brow. "For Christmas, of course. For your family. We should probably sleep for three days to get through that."

He grinned and kissed his chin. "Sleep well, baby. I expect to be woken up with lots of neck-kissing."

"Oh God, right! Your Extreme Surprise Makeover stunned me into forgetfulness," nodded Gustav, who DID kiss Georg's neck then. "But yes, my family requires rest, booze and a high tolerance for bullshit. I think we can handle all that."

He paused. "Two naked grandparents, two clothed but perennially drunk grandparents, two crazy actual parents, one brother who should be committed, one sister who's dating a female bodybuilder and asked for muscle-building supplements – and lipgloss – in her stocking, one normal cop brother and one amazingly beautiful boyfriend of said cop. Merry Christmas."

He sighed, then snuggled into Georg, kissing his nose. "I will, and you will, trust me."

He stroked Georg's hair for a long moment. "I love you."

Georg laughed. "It's definitely going to be interesting. I need to take my camera cause… yeah. It's gonna be unforgettable." He paused. "So I don't really need my camera, but I'll take it anyway."

He sighed happily and snuggled into him. "I love you too, baby. More than anything."

He smiled, then closed his eyes and snuggled more, yawning.


	12. I'll Be Home For Christmas

Gustav zipped up his suitcase – it had three locks on it cause he trusted no one, and had a padlock ready for Georg's case too, even though his boy didn't think he needed one. Georg was way too trusting, thought Gustav. And he'd never encountered what would surely feel like a gross of Schäfers in one place, soon.

His poor love. He had no idea what he was getting into – he really didn't.

Gustav could only warn so much, and then it was up to God and strong drink.

"Geo!" he bellowed. "Time!" 

Georg, upstairs, paused, and raised a brow. Jesus, Gustav was tense. He shook his head and smiled fondly, then spiked up his hair a little, so that it looked messy, curly-wavy-ish and fluffy. He'd come to kind of love his new haircut in only one day, and had decided that he'd made the right choice. Plus, there was the plethora of neck-kisses to consider.

When he was finally done getting ready, he shouldered his bag and made his way down the stairs, beaming at Gustav. "Hello, darling! Did you call me? I couldn't hear you."

Gustav swallowed because Goddammit, Georg looked good; he made a mental note to find the hairstylist and give her like, a 1000 Euros for pushing Georg to do this. 

He gaped for a moment, then had to grin. "Did I yell? Sorry babe. Didn't know my own vocal strength."

He nodded, then held up a hand. "Lock."

Georg grinned at Gustav. "Yes, you did yell a little. But it's cute that you're so nervous. It'll be fine, I'm sure. And a lock? Come on, baby, I thought you were kidding! It can't be that bad…"

With the speed of light, Gustav snapped a lock on his boy's suitcase. "The combination is 38-32-9. Your chest, hips and erect cock. And oh, it CAN be," said Gustav darkly. "And it might be. So better safe than sorry, and since I can always remember details of your righteous bod, its fine."

He nodded, satisfied, then grinned and kissed Georg’s lips. "Ready?"

Georg eyed him, then cracked up. "Well, that's a pretty good combination at least."

He beamed and kissed him back. "Okay, let's go then."

He picked up their bags and took them out to his big-assed SUV, which he'd bought after rehab, thinking he deserved a huge penis substitute, even though his own penis was perfectly huge. And besides he liked being tall.

"I will even let you pick the music," he said magnanimously. "Because I'm feeling all Christmassy and shit."

Georg shook his head and followed Gustav to the car, smiling to himself. When he got to pick the music, he beamed and pulled a CD out of his pocket. "Great! I've made a Christmas mix for us!"

He sighed happily, hopped into the car and slid the CD in, then grinned at Gustav when 'Rocking Around The Christmas Tree' began… and Georg sang along. Loudly. And cheerfully

"Oh God, no," groaned Gustav. "Please tell me you didn't."

Of course Georg HAD, because he was evil that way, and because it was a good hour's drive to his parent's house and he was a captive audience. He was willing to bet Georg had timed his music exactly to how long the ride was.

Again, EVIL.

It was hard to be too annoyed though, cause Georg was cheerful, there were wreaths on the streetlights, bells ringing and all that holiday stuff. So Gustav listened to Georg, smiled at him, and picked up his hand to bring to his lips and kiss it as they turned onto the Autobahn.

The Autobahn, thought Gustav was DRIVING. The Americans could have their idiotic freaking NASCAR – it was nothing compared to a busy period on this highway.

He flexed his fingers as he merged into traffic, ready to kick some serious Christmas-Eve-driving ASS.

Georg didn't look thrilled to drive in this weather – he had a feeling it would start snowing soon, and if one thought Gustav in the sun was dangerous, him in a car when there was snow was downright terrifying. 

He took a breath. "Try not to get us killed, okay, baby?"

He grinned and smooched his cheek, then continued singing. " _Last Christmas, I gave you my heart…_ "

" _…and the very next day, you gave it away…_ "

Ha, Georg had no idea that he knew all the songs too. He smirked, then sighed. "It will be fine; I have precious cargo. No worries."

He sped up and passed a bus full of nuns, then cut in front of a guy who looked like he was about to poop himself any second, and then merged with a convoy of what looked like trucks carrying penguins.

The penguin was a lucky guess, cause the trucks were all in Russian, but Gustav guessed a penguin was a penguin in any language.

Georg clung to the door after a while, and stopped singing, fearing for his life. But then he realised that Gustav had never crashed a car while Georg was in it, so… maybe he WAS safe. 

So a few minutes later, he started singing again, sighing happily. "Are we there yeeeeeet?"

Gustav let Georg cling to the door handle till he could deal with life again, then rolled his eyes. "Dude, we will be there when we are there."

He looked at his clock. "About twenty minutes unless it finally snows and throws us off – hence why I speed like a mofo."

Georg grinned. "Are we there yeeeeeet?" he repeated, then laughed. "Annoying you yet? No? Hmm. Need to try harder."

He grinned and poked him, then smooched his cheek. "God, I'm looking forward to meeting everyone and…"

He paused. "Wait! Did we bring the presents???"

"Honey, please do NOT try harder. You really have no idea what you're in for. And yes, I packed the presents – they're in a box in the back. And yes, all of them, even yours that you bought, mine, and the bribe present for my mother. We are fine."

His present was still safely tucked away. Tonight was the night, no matter what. Definitely.

Georg grinned. "I'm sorry. Don't be so tense. I'd give you a massage – or a blowjob – but that's probably a very bad idea, considering where we are. Also, are we going to get naked too? I don't want your grandparents to feel uncomfortable – but I don't want to be uncomfortable either, so I'll probably keep my clothes on. And you've got the presents? Good. I was worried there for a moment. Didn't want to have to pick up some random crap at a gas station. Which are probably closed at the moment anyway, so we would've been there without anything and that would've been bad. So… yeaaah. Good thing your brain isn't a sieve." 

He grinned and bounced a little, then sang some more. " _I'm dreaming of a white Christmas…_ "

He blinked when the first snowflake landed on the window, and grinned. "Look! I'm totally a weather god! How about that!"

Gustav groaned. "You mention a blowjob NOW? NOW? Now I'll be walking into the house with an open beer AND a stiffie. Fabulous."

He thought about pulling over, and letting Nature take its course, but they were close, and Georg The Weather God had just made it snow, so he couldn't risk it. Of course, he'd come in two seconds, so they wouldn't be THAT far off, but still.

"Also, I'm not tense," he sighed, but was relieved when he exited the highway and was on the off-ramp, then back in his hometown.

From there, it was only a short skip to his street, then to the cul de sac, and THEN to the driveway.

He pulled in behind a rented Kia with a little sign in the back of the window saying Nude is Cool, featuring a little snowman with a stiffie on it.

Yep, they were here.


	13. Meet The Family

Georg laughed. "I'm sorryyy!"

He sighed, then, when they were there, he had to laugh. "Okay, that already looks promising. Let's go inside!"

"'Promising' is not the word I'd use. More like fucking frightening and wrong," Gustav muttered, unbuckling and making sure that the box of booze was intact, and that his five packs of Marlboros were secure. He had a feeling he'd need all his supplies before the holidays were over

Georg rolled his eyes, then hopped out of the car, let out a very unmanly shriek, slipped and landed with his sweet ass on the ground.

Gustav was just getting out of the truck when he heard Georg shriek and fall; he paled and scrambled around the back of the truck where he was greeted with a… a sight.

The largest woman – he thought it was a woman – he had ever, EVER seen was picking up Georg as though he were Snow White, cradling him in her (?) arms and looking down at Georg.

She had to be almost seven feet tall, with enormous hands, dyed black hair and feet the size of toboggans.

"Hi Stavi!"

His sister was waving from the porch, and he blinked. "Hi Gigi," he managed, and watched his already tipsy sister totter along the back lawn to the driveway. It had obviously been snowing a while here, and it was slippery.

"I see you've met Kati! And this, is this Georg? Oh my God, he's teeny and ADORBS!"

Georg's eyes were wide and he stared at Kati with wide eyes, the pain in his ass forgotten for the moment. 

Then he turned his head and eyed Gustav's sister. "Hey! I'm not teeny. Gustav is teenier than I am and–could I be let down now, please? Thank you very much, I appreciate it. But dude – sorry, dudette – those are some impressive muscles. I mean… wow!"

He was relieved when he felt the snowy ground under his feet again; he'd almost wet his pants when that… woman, who appeared to be Gustav's sister's bodybuilder girlfriend, had picked him up. Now, he looked up at her – FAR up – and smiled. "And hello; I’m Georg. Nice to meet you."

He turned to the sister. "And hello to you too!"

Gigi smiled at him – Gustav's smile in female form – and then patted him when he was set down. "You're little and seriously, how cute are YOU? Good job, Stavi!"

"Thank you," said Gustav dryly, returning her hug, and realizing she'd already been into Opa's homemade Kahlua, which was LETHAL. "You better not have drunk all the 'lua, or else."

"Baby, would I do that?" She fluttered her lashes at him, and Kati smiled. "Hallo, Gustav, Georg. Sorry, I forget the impression I make. You okay?"

Georg pouted. "I'm not little," he murmured while the siblings said hello to each other. Then he looked up at Kati and smiled. "Yes, I'm fine, thank you."

"Ah, to me, the world is little. I can put Gigi in my pocket, you see." Kati nodded, then smoothed her girlfriend’s hair, while Gustav smirked involuntarily. "Hate to say I told you so, but I so did. Are you all right, baby? Not hurt or anything?"

"You do have a point there. Maybe I don't feel little because usually I'm surrounded by people who are more or less my height." Georg smiled as Kati and Gigi walked away, then turned to Gustav, giving him a reassuring smile

Assured that Georg was, indeed, okay, Kati looked down at Gustav. "You two look alike, but then there is…"

"Gerard," said 'Stavi' and Gigi, with the same air of resignation, and Kati nodded, confiding, "There is something wrong with that boy."

"Don't I know it," sighed Gustav. "Thank you for picking my boyfriend up, in a manner of speaking, and nice to meet you too."

Gigi smiled up at Kati, then tugged on her blouse. "Piggyback?"

Kati obediently picked her up, and with a look up at the sky, Gustav followed them, handing Georg the box of presents, while he brought up the rear with alcohol and other sundries.

Georg watched Kati carry Gigi back into the house and shook his head, taking a deep breath. "Jesus. I thought you were kidding when you said it was going to be an adventure, but…" He grinned. "I love it. Now let's go inside and meet all the others!"

Gustav made his own cursory inspection of his man, making sure Georg was okay, then cupped his cheeks and kissed him gently. "Okay, if you’re sure…"

"I'm absolutely fine, baby. My ass was already sore, now it's also bruised, but I think I'll live. And dude, you weren't kidding when you said your sister was dating a bodybuilder. She picked me up like I'm a feather or something. I felt like Hagrid was saving me – or Madame Maxime."

Gustav snorted. "She probably also exists on single-malt scotch. And aww, baby. I'll rub your butt for you later."

Georg grinned, then grabbed Gustav's hand and followed him into the house where he inhaled deeply, a happy smile on his face. He absolutely loved Christmas – and the smells and sounds related to it. And Christmas with Gustav's family was going to be an adventure.

The house SMELLED good, thought Gustav, which was a help – no burnt trees, charred flesh or the sweet smell of boiled cranberries thrown at the wall. Last year, it had looked like a crime scene by the end of the night.

He and Georg entered the kitchen, where his mother was mixing a drink, his sister was using Kati to reach a high shelf, and his Opa was regaling his co-grandfather, Papa Müller with a tale from Shady Acres.

Opa was, of course, naked. And wearing a bow around his, erm, member.

Of course, he spotted them first.

"Gustav!" he bellowed, and handed his beer to Papa to come over and grab his grandson in a tight hug, which Gustav, already suspicious, returned warmly. "Happy Christmas! "

"To you too, Opa!" Gustav hugged him, then stepped back, looking down. "Festive! Green is your color."

He blinked. "Is that mistletoe on your cock?"

Opa grinned – he had new teeth and they were very shiny. "Brilliant, no?"

Gustav snorted, then cracked up laughing; he loved his grandparents.

Before he had chance to recover, his mother was hugging him, and incidentally, spilling rum on his leather jacket. "Hi Mum," he said, hugging her back too.

"Gustav, darling, look at you! Oh, and is this… Good Lord, is this little Georg?"

"See?" said Kati from the corner.

In the kitchen, Georg had first looked around, grinning when he'd seen Opa in his formal suit, so to speak. "Merry Christmas!" he said cheerfully, then blinked when Gustav's mother pounced and hugged him. "Hello! Yes, it's me – why does everyone call me little today? Did I shrink or something?"

He thought his new hair made him taller, but apparently not…

"Oh, no, honey – I meant little as in it’s been so long since I've seen you! You were graduating with Gusti when I last _really_ laid eyes on you, and you were barely out of your teens." She patted him happily, looking him over. "You are _such_ a handsome boy… and wait, you cut your hair! Gustav said it would be the apocalypse before that happened… Is it happening now? Should I prepare? Do you think canned green beans would survive? Or would…"

"Mum, calm down," sighed Gustav, shaking his head. "Everyone knows that only those American Twinkie things will survive – and cockroaches. And the first sign of an apocalypse is naked grandfathers with mistletoe hanging off their cocks, so… wait! OH NOES!"

Opa laughed, and sipped his beer. "Smartass. Good to see you, boy."

Gustav grinned and moved over to his much quieter Papa Müller, giving him a warm hug. "Gustav, my big shot grandson. How many commendations do you have now?"

"Seventy-three," said Gustav without hesitation. "Geo has 71 and a trophy for Best Hair Under Dire Circumstances."

"Like Legolas!" chimed in Gigi from the corner.

Gustav's mum, Ana, laughed. "I think you look lovely, Georg. You and my Gusti are a lovely couple."

"Mmm. Are you two gonna get drunk and make out?" his sister wanted to know. "Boys kissing is so freaking HOT."

Georg decided he liked it here and grinned happily. "Well, see, Gustav likes to kiss my neck and ears and shoulders and rubbing fuzzy heads, so I thought I'd give him this for Christmas. And I'm actually beginning to like it, so who knows? I may never go back to long hair."

He grinned. "Legolas is so passé anyway, isn't he?"

Gustav smiled and rubbed the back of Georg's head. "It was like the Gift of the Georgi," he said cheerfully. "And I love it, so it totally worked for me. I've tried to make it all worth his while."

Georg rolled his eyes and then smiled at Ana. "Thank you. I think we do too, and I'm never going to let him go again, so you should all get used to me."

He nodded, then glanced at Gigi. "We never kiss," he said with a straight face, then grinned as he grabbed Gustav, dipped him and planted a long, passionate smooch on his boyfriend's lips.

"Awww, that is so sweet!" Gustav's mother was a not-so-secret-sappy-romantic, and the kiss practically made her clap. 

Kati and Gigi DID clap, and cheer, and Gustav thought he heard a wolf whistle, but he wasn't sure. He just blinked, dazed, then grinned at Georg. "Yeah, we never kiss. You're out of luck, sister mine – no boy smooching for you."

More hugs from his grandmother Müller were next, and then his father, who was, to put it kindly, effervescent. Also, three sheets to the wind, but hey, it was Christmas. So what if he'd been drinking since ten AM? It was noon somewhere, right?

In the resulting shuffle of hugs and smooches, Gustav's ankle was sniffed, then chewed gently on, and he looked down to see his mother's ancient dachshund, Mitzi, happily munching on his boot. 

"Hey you, Pee-Pee the Clown," he greeted the dog, bending down to pat her. "Whatcha got?"

He picked a piece of bright green fuzz off her, and brought it up to eye level, squinting. Odd color, but it was probably from some ornament or other. He was nowhere near a wastebasket, so he shoved the little clump of fuzz into his pocket and looked around for the closest access to a beer.

"Gustav, my boy! I thought that was your voice I heard," Oma said; she had been in the bathroom and now came towards him in her naked glory. She pulled him into a tight hug and kissed his lips. "I've missed you! And Georg – my God, is that really you? What happened to your beautiful hair?"

Georg smiled. "I cut it off for my baby," he said cheerfully, petting Gustav and then hugging Oma as well. "It's good to see you again."

Gustav wondered how drunk he'd have to get before he could imagine everyone fully clothed. Even his sister had on considerably less clothing than usual, and that was a little… well. He shuddered. It wasn't that Gigi wasn't pretty – she was – but he hadn't seen her naked since they were kids, and wasn't sure now was the time to start again. He thought maybe just before they both expired might be a good time.

He hugged his Oma, kissing her cheek, then beamed. "He knows of my neck fetish, so…"

"Ah, God, that again? If you didn't walk around during the day, I'd think you were a vampire." Opa had three cold beers in his hands and handed one to Gustav, one to Georg, and held one against a sensitive part of his wife, making her jump and smack him upside the head. 

Gustav shrugged. "I like what I like. Doesn't he look awesome?"

His grandfather smiled. "Awesome indeed."

"Maybe Gusti's a daywalker," said a voice from the left, and Gustav braced himself, turning to see his brother approaching. 

He was naked, the very detailed tattoo of the vagina newly inked against his skin just above his, erm, thatch, which was very blonde, and the curls were almost as springy as the curls on his head.

He was shorter than Gustav, stocky, but without the heavy muscles, and had a slight scruff, framing a big smile. That smile alone was enough to redeem the vaginal tattoo, although the Jewfro, thought Gustav, was pushing it.

He looked like a 1970's Jesus in a summer day camp production of Godspell. The hell of it was that it was an improvement over last year.

"If I was, I would have tossed you over the side of a tall building by now," said Gustav by way of a greeting, then hugged his brother, and was hugged back. "Nice 'fro, yo."

Georg stared. Then stared some more. So this was the infamous Gerard with his infamous tattoo. He waited for the brothers to finish hugging, then waved, smiling. "Hi! Georg. I don't think we've met."

He shook Gerard's hand and smiled. "Nice to meet you! And the tattoo is very impressive."

He paused, wondering if that was an inappropriate thing to say… then decided he didn't care. He did need a beer, though, and walked over to the bar, sipping it slowly. 

Gerard walked over too, then turned to him. "So this is Rapunzel? Must've been after he was tossed out of the tower for being subversive. But hi, nice to meet you too."

He looked Georg over. "Very nice – I didn't think Gustav had it in him to attract a model-y type. He always went for the impossible, so glad it finally worked out for him. He says you're The One, so I wish you luck; you do have to see him naked all the time, after all."

He sighed. "Honestly, I know you police-types are used against gruesome sights, but…"

Georg blinked at Gerard. "Oh come on! Gustav naked is the loveliest thing I've ever seen. So I'm very happy to be able to see him naked all the time. And thanks, I guess. I wouldn't consider myself a model-y type, considering I'm so _little_ ," he said with a pointed but not mean look at the others. 

"Well, I hope not all of you is little," Gerard continued. "You could strip and prove the point – I think an all-naked Christmas would freaking rock." He nodded, and Gustav eyed him. "I've done my naked tour of duty and will stay happily clothed. Maybe you can get Dad naked."

Gerard made a face. "Dude. That's just WRONG. You're a sick, sick boy."

Georg facepalmed. "I'm not little down there! Ask Gustav – he's more than satisfied. And I have no problem stripping but not really in winter. I admire Oma and Opa for having the balls – no pun intended – to do that."

Then, he turned to Opa who was now leaning against the bar as well. "So… is there anything I should know about these festivities? When do we hand over the presents, when do we start eating, will there be carol singing or dancing, or…?"

Oma, in the meantime, eyed her other grandson. "My God, Gerard, I just cannot get over that tattoo. Only you."

Gerard looked down, then grinned. "Thanks! I found a nude picture of Dita Von Teese online and modeled it after her snatch. Sweet, huh? Now a piece of her is always with me – a real piece."

Gustav rubbed his face. "Charming, Ger – I'm sure that somewhere, Dita is retching copiously." He smiled and took a swig of his beer, as Gerard scowled at him, then sighed happily. "I know, Oma, right? Forget knives and hearts, and MOM across your ass. THIS is original."

Opa was looking at Gerard and sighing. "At least one of my boys is normal... relatively speaking." He sipped his beer. "Thank God for Gustav, honestly. Normally, how it goes is that we drink, and eat, and drink some more, then open our presents later in the evening. Then, if we're drunk enough, a song or two, and hopefully, Giselle will not strip this year. You've never experienced "Oh Holy Night" until your granddaughter has climbed the Christmas tree, then slithered down it. I still don't know how many pine needles the paramedic picked out of her ass."

He shook his head. "They were engaged for three months afterwards. But yes, singing, and then bed – or passing out – then Christmas breakfast, and stockings. After that, we do pictures."

Georg smiled, then listened to Opa. "That sounds great!" he said happily. "I'm looking forward to the food and everything, and… seriously? Ow. Poor Gigi."

"Seriously," nodded Opa, already fishing out a fresh beer for Gustav – Gerard made him want to blackout drink too. "It was an experience I'd rather not repeat. Hell, her new girlfriend didn't even need to chop down the tree – she just walked up to it and yanked it out of the ground. Poor tree didn't stand a chance in hell."

Georg grinned, highly amused, then blinked and eyed Giselle's girlfriend again… and had no problems imagining her pulling a tree out of the ground. He really didn't want to piss her off, ever. He had a feeling everyone else here felt the same way.


	14. More Nudity

Opa sipped. "Has Gustav told you about the pictures?"

Gustav downed the rest of his beer in one gulp, while Georg sighed, then frowned. "No… what kind of pictures?"

Opa eyed Georg. "You'll see."

Georg eyed Opa back. "Okay… do I even want to know?"

He paused, then decided. "Yes, I want to know. Tell me?"

"Oh, there you are!" Ana bustled over with a very large glass of wine firmly clutched in her hand. "Georg, darling, what size are you?"

"38-32-9!" shouted Gustav across the room, having read his mother's bright pink lips.

At the question and Gustav's shout, Georg blinked, blushed, then groaned. "Thank you, Gustav, that last bit of information is not something I want to share with everyone."

He had just informed Gustav's mother about his size when someone was rubbing the back of his neck – Oma. Someone else who appreciated the fuzziness… and that sounded wrong, for some reason. 

He gave her a smile which she returned, and then she leaned against Opa. "So, what are you two up to, talking here, all secretive?"

Ana laughed. "Is that last number erect or flacc ..."

"Mum, no." Gustav had escaped and come to the aid of his boyfriend. "Never mind, I just had a brain cramp. Georg is size large. But you are NOT making him wear those. He's not technically part of this psychologically unfit clan we call family."

He bit his lip. "I mean, he shouldn't be subjected to this madness, or bunny PJs."

"But darling, these are so cute, this year! They have Snoopy on them!"

Gustav sighed… then brightened. "Snoopy?"

"Mmhmm. And Schroeder, and his piano too."

Meanwhile, Opa slid his arm around his wife and kissed her cheek. "Just about last Christmas; I suspect Gustav was intentionally vague about our holiday traditions."

Georg looked from one person to the next, trying to follow every conversation that was going on, which seemed to be a little difficult. So he focused on Gustav and grinned. "Snoopy? Okay, what on earth is this all about? Gustav?"

Oma snorted. "I can't blame him," she murmured, giving her husband a grin and nuzzling him.

Gustav uncapped his second beer, and sighed. "Mum makes us take a picture every year in matching pajamas and slippers. Last year, it was bunnies pulling a sled, and this year, she apparently bought Snoopy…"

"…and Schroeder!"

"…and Schroeder pajamas for all of us."

"You used to LOVE him," said Ana, lighting a cigarette; Gustav instinctively stepped away. His mother had a fondness for hairspray and was a careless smoker.

Unperturbed, she continued. "You used to watch the Christmas Peanuts and stop the tape on Schroeder every year, until the tape disappeared when you were what, Jack? Was he ten?"

"Something like that." His father was pouring six fingers of whiskey into his glass – very, very carefully.

"I don't know where it went…"

"Gustav was jacking off over it in his room." This tidbit came from Gerard, who was always where no one wanted him to be. "You got him his own VCR, he stole the tape and jerked off over Schroeder in his room when he thought no one was around."

"I was NOT," growled Gustav, who certainly HAD been. "And you wouldn't know anyway, except that you were a sneaky little shit then AND now."

Georg grinned. "Well, there are worse things than Snoopy." He nodded, smiling.

Then he eyed Gerard, frowning. He wasn't sure he liked him very much. 

As he looked at Gustav's brother, his hair suddenly started tingling, and he blinked. First of all, he hadn't been sure if his psychic hair powers had survived the drastic haircut, and secondly… why was it tingling? Sure, he didn't like Gerard all that much, but that was no reason for his hair to tingle…

…was it?

Oma stepped in. She smacked Gerard over the back of his head and scowled. "Don't be mean, Gerard. You're not too old to be put over my knee and spanked."

Gerard was forming a retort when Oma smacked him, and knew enough to not say more, other than to mutter. "Well, he did. I thought enough time had passed for it to be funny. And ironic."

"It's inappropriate," said Kati, looming over all of them. "And also mean, AND if your grandma's spanking you isn't enough, I could take over. You wouldn't sit for a week."

Gerard muttered something about all the freak flags flying tonight, and stalked off… or as much as a naked, Jew fro-ed white boy could stalk.

Kati looked down, and sighed. "He's terribly jealous of you, Gustav, no?"

"He is," Oma answered. "Always has been. And there wasn't even a reason to be jealous of Gustav – we loved all three of you kids equally. And still do. It's just that Gerard is… well, he is a little odd sometimes, isn't he?"

Then she looked up at Kati. "Now, dear, don't you want to take off your clothes as well? We're always trying to recruit new people and convert them to… well, this!"

She posed and Georg facepalmed, relieved that no one was making HIM strip. 

Except Gustav, later. 

He slid an arm around him. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine baby. I'm used to him. And also, you now know one of my childhood secrets – Schroeder got me hot."

"He sure is," said Gigi, referring to Gerard's oddness; she had thoughtfully mixed the brother she liked a mudslide, and also, one for his hot boyfriend. "Here, Georg – it will make you see God."

“Thank you… but I already have my own personal God right here." Georg took the glass and sipped, eyes widening – this was _good_ stuff.

She sipped her own and licked her lips, then thought. "Gustav is older, hotter – WAY HOTTER – smarter, more successful and has a really cute boyfriend. What's not to envy?"

Georg slid an arm around Gustav and smiled. "I have to agree with you – Gustav is perfect."

Gigi looking up at Kati dreamily. "You should envy me."

Then, "You should take it all off! Let’s!"

Kati thought for a moment, then pulled off her red-flowered print dress and tossed it aside. She wasn't wearing undies.

Gigi whooped, and was naked about three seconds later.

Opa nudged Georg. "Pre-tree this year, huh?"

Gustav was gaping at Kati – he couldn't help it. "Damn, girl," he said, his tone one of awe, then turned to Georg who had been grinning, then paling a little when Kati stripped. Dear God.

He looked at Opa with a shocked expression and they both snorted. 

Then he looked at GUSTAV and smiled. "Well, you were always a weird boy, but I love you."

He kissed his lips and gave him a sweet smile.

"Awww, he is _sweeeet_ , Gusti! Cute AND sweet, you lucky boy." Gigi leaned against Kati and Gustav tried to not notice that basically, his baby sister's head hit right under Kati's large breasts. 

He pulled his eyes away before anything wrong could come out of his mouth, and smiled back at Georg. "You may be horribly biased, though," he said, nuzzling Georg's neck for a moment. "Just maybe."

"I know, right?" Georg said and grinned. "And I'm not biased – I'm just in love."

"Stavi _is_ a weird boy," agreed his mother, sitting down rather inelegantly on the couch – Gustav devoutly hoped SHE was wearing panties. "But he was always a sweetheart, and smart and strong – I'm not surprised that he does what he does for a living. He used to make citizen's arrests of the kids here on the street."

Gustav sighed. He didn't know which was worse, "Gusti" or "Stavi".

"I had to – their stupid dogs would poop on our lawn and then they'd laugh and leave. It was a necessary police action."

He looked over at Opa; it was weird, but he was starting to not be able to remember his grandparents actually clothed. Huh. "Remember the net we built?"

"I do, I do; we caught those little bastards and their asshole dogs, too." Opa nodded in satisfaction. "We used to live across the street," he said to Georg. "So we rigged bait and a net and caught four little shits – so to speak – that day."

Georg kissed Gustav's forehead, then looked at his mother, smiling as he listened to the stories about Gustav being a baby!cop. He could so imagine him with his white-blond hair and innocent little angel face…

He snorted over Opa – he kind of loved that guy – AND Gustav's entire family, for that matter. 

"And then their parents were pissed cause I tied them up to interrogate them," sighed Gustav. "I didn't have handcuffs yet."

"Me and Kati have handcuffs," offered Gigi, and Gustav sighed. "Twenty years too late, sister, but thank you anyway."

Georg grinned back at Gigi. "We have handcuffs too, love, but thanks!"

Georg seemed to be taking all this in stride, God love him, thought Gustav. He really loved this boy.

Gustav actually blushed, making Gigi and Kati laugh and he gave Georg that smile – the one he saved just for Georg, and kissed his temple, then laughed when his sister cheered the handcuff remark.

"So, Georg," said his mother, patting the couch next to her. "Why did you become a police officer, hmm?"

Georg was trying not to imagine the kinky sex games Gigi and Kati got up to in the privacy of their own home – or elsewhere – and blinked when he was addressed. He looked at Gustav's mother, a little wary, but then decided to sit down next to her. 

"A fairy came to me," Georg said dramatically, "and told me I would meet the love of my life if I became a cop. And she was right!"

He grinned, then shook his head and shrugged. "I don't know. I considered becoming a fireman but then decided against it because I'm not too fond of extreme heat. Then I wanted to become a dentist like my dad, but when I found out how long I'd have to study just to get the chance to look at cavities all day, I changed my mind. I wanted something cool and badass, with a lot of variety, so after talking to my grandfather who was a cop all his life, I decided to… yeah. Follow in his footsteps. I've got a long way to go before I'll be as good as he was but I'm getting there."

He smiled, blushing a little when everyone was looking at him.

Gustav almost choked on his mudslide – which was GOOOOOD – when Georg said a fairy came to him. "I wasn't the fairy, by the way," he added before his father could – he could see the words forming. His father didn't really care that he was gay, but thought nothing of making 'fairy, fruitcake and pansy' comments. It was just his way.

"So, your grandfather was a cop too? You do have footsteps to follow in then." Opa nodded approvingly, and Gustav saw Georg's already high grandparental ratings shoot through the roof, along with his mother and father's. While Ana worried about Gustav every day – and had been hysterical both times he'd been shot – she was hugely proud of him, as was his father.

The food started coming out then, enough for several armies and Third World countries combined, and for the next several minutes, conversation was stilled by eating. Even Gerard reappeared for the spicy dip that was Oma's specialty, and muttered a half-assed "Sorry" to his brother, which Gustav replied to by tugging a curl, letting it be forgotten.

Gustav surveyed the room: two naked grandparents, two naked siblings and a very large girlfriend, a drunk Daddy-O, a tipsy mum, two on-their-way-to-jolly paternal grandparents, and one blushing boyfriend.

He smiled and drained the rest of his mudslide before turning to the devilled eggs.

When the food arrived, Georg started tasting everything, holding Gustav's hand the whole time. He gave him a sweet smile, then looked around the family that was already his own, and talked to each one of them, answering their questions and promising them about a hundred times that he was deeply, passionately in love with Gustav.

Gustav closed his fingers around Georg's and held his hand tight as they sampled everything. Gustav could not only eat with one hand, he could probably manage to eat with both hands tied behind his back.

He was an apple-bobbing champion from way back.

Finally, they all settled more or less into chairs, Gustav sitting Georg on his lap, the better to cuddle him and stroke his hair, which he had still managed to do a lot of – that is, when he could tear his Oma off Georg. Opa didn't have much hair anymore, so he supposed she was indulging in past happiness.


	15. Christmas Miracles

"So, what is your surprise, Gerard? You keep talking about something big in your life."

This comment came from his mother, who was eyeing her second-youngest with concern. A 'big thing' from Gerard could be anything from being elected to a legislative body, to a career as a fire-breather to a new tattoo. Maybe next, it would be two large breasts to go with his vagina.

Gerard beamed, and wiped his face. "I met a girl," he said brightly. "And she is amazing!"

The parents and grandparents all looked at each other, and Gustav exchanged a look with Gigi. Gerard had found someone who could stand him for more than a night?

This was unprecedented.

"You have a lady friend?" Ana tried very hard to be diplomatic. "Is she… well, real?"

Gerard scowled. "What, you think she's a blow-up doll?"

"Your last girlfriend had two ports for an air hose," put in Gigi, waving her hand. "And when she popped, we thought it was a sonic boom."

"Kiss my vagina," snapped Gerard, then squared his shoulders. "No. Her name is Lorelei, she's a costumer, and she is very real, and very nice. She's coming by either later tonight or tomorrow, so you can all meet her, then suck it for not believing me."

"Oh, that's lovely!" said Oma, smiling. "It's about time you finally met someone, darling. Lorelei is a very pretty name." She nodded. "And we will meet her? Fabulous!"

"You will," confirmed Gerard, not noticing that Georg was eyeing him. His hair was tingling again, and he wasn't sure if it was the regular tingling of if he'd just been petted a little too much. He scratched the back of his head, but the tingling was still there. 

Hmm…

"She sounds interesting," he offered. "Where did you meet her?"

"In a tattoo parlor – I was checking out some more ink. Can’t stop here, you see.” 

Gerard nodded. "She works in a department store in Hamburg, so she'll have to get off work, shower, then drive here, so either late here or early tomorrow."

Georg wasn't sure what it was but something about Gerard and his new girlfriend was suspicious because his hair just wouldn't stop tingling. He wasn't sure what it was yet, but he hoped he would find out, because the hair tingling was kind of annoying when it went on for too long.

Gerard looked over at Georg, eyeing him thoughtfully, then smiled sweetly – a smile that set Gustav's teeth on edge. He didn't trust his brother as far as he could throw him under the best of circumstances, and something about the way Gerard was acting was just weird.

Weirder than usual.

He watched his brother, and wondered exactly what it _was_ about him tonight, but couldn't quite figure it out. It was there, and he felt it, but…

He shook his head and decided any more mudslides were out of the question.

When singing was brought up, he decided that it was time for a private moment with his boy, and a cigarette, and not necessarily in that order.

"Honey, you are gonna sing with us, yes?" His mother stopped him as they stood up. "You should hear him on "Hark the Herald Angels Sing," Georg. It's like the angels came down and inhabited his vocal cords."

Gustav sighed. "Mum, yes, we'll be back inside in a moment. I need a smoke, I'm sure Geo does too, and…"

"I thought you quit?"

"I tried, and failed. I'll try again next month. No lectures from you."

"Darling, it's do as I say, not as I do, you know that." Ana patted both their cheeks. "You can smoke in here, you know…"

"The boys need a moment out of The Crazy," said Opa, now on his seventeenth beer or so. "Don't bother them, Ana. Where's the sheet music?"

God, he loved Opa. He took Georg's hand and led him outside, into the cool air, snowflakes still spitting their diamond crystals onto the grass.

As much as he would love to hear Gustav sing Christmas songs of all things, Georg was relieved to get a little break, even if it was only as long as it took them to smoke a cigarette. He took a deep breath when they were outside, and smooched Gustav's lips before he lit his cigarette. 

"I love your family," he said, sighing happily. "They're… so warm. Nuts, yes, but I kind of love that about them."

Gustav smiled, and lit his own cigarette, taking a deep drag.

"They love you too – literally, they're all pretty much in love with you. I think Oma would take you home with her in her suitcase if she could. Kati wants to carry you around in a Snuggli, Gigi wants you to star in a porno for her own personal viewing, and my dad thinks that if his son has to be a fruit, at least he's snagged a cute co-fruit. My mother wants me to have your babies and my other grandparents think you are "cute as a button"."

He smiled. "They're right."

Georg beamed. "I'm glad they like me. I don't know what I would've done if they didn't like me. I'd be devastated. I want to be with you and if your parents and family didn't want you to date me, I'd… I don't know. Of course I would still keep dating you but I would still be sad. I want it all to be just as perfect as it is right now."

Gustav exhaled and took another drag. "Sorry my brother is an asshole though – I guess I should have warned you more about him. Usually he's annoying and weird, but tonight he's just… I don't know."

Gustav hated not knowing things. "Something is off. Is it just me, or…?"

Georg shook his head. "Gerard is… odd. No need to warn me about him; I've heard enough to know to be careful."

He scratched the back of his neck and nodded. "Yes. There is something odd about him. I don't know him, but I can tell."

He leaned in. "The hair is tingling. And you know what that means."

"Yeah, well, something is up and I don't know what. But anyway."

Gustav nodded, and grumbled, looking at the ground, then back up. "So, the psychic hair survived? Interesting. We now know its power is in the roots and not the length, which bodes well for it sticking around. I was rather afraid it was all a Samson-and-Gustlilah thing."

“So it seems! Apparently it'll work no matter what I do with it, so that's good to know. The only thing that may destroy it would be a complete buzz. But I'm not ready to go there anyway – my ears would look like Dumbo's."

“They would not… and if you did ever buzz it, it would be adorable too. I’d say you’d never do it, but then again, I never thought you’d do _this_ , either, and I was wrong.”

Georg's psychic hair was actually the real deal and had served them well so far. Apparently it was impervious to heat, straightening irons, springiness, drastic cuts and prior years of cheap shampoo. Gustav bought Georg Paul Mitchell, because he liked the smell, and it was NOT cheap at all.

Gustav looked up at the sky, which was clear and starry despite the snow, then finished his cigarette and waited for Georg to do the same. 

Then he took a deep breath and took Georg's hand, leading him carefully across the frozen grass to the large tree that his father always put lights on at Christmas. Actually, he'd put them on once, and never took them off again, and over the years, some lights had winked out, so the tree was now huge, dark, with a spattering of tiny white lights, as though the stars had dropped down to nestle there.

When they were under the tree, he heard piano music – Opa warming up – and it was light, pretty, Christmassy.

Georg smiled when Gustav took his hand and led him through the garden. He looked around, up at the sky, at the snowflakes falling down, at the tree with the little lights in it…

It was beautiful here.

Gustav took both Georg's hands and licked his lips. "Baby, there's something I need to ask you. I've been thinking about it forever, really, and I never knew when the right time would be, but I think now is as close to perfect as I'll ever come."

At Gustav's words, Georg frowned curiously, wondering what could be bothering Gustav, that he needed to ask him. He couldn't think of anything, so he just decided to listen.

He let go long enough to fish the thick silver ring out of his pocket and turned his palm up so the lights glinted off it. "Georg," he said, his voice low, and a little husky, cause he was teary, Goddammit.

"Will you marry me?"


	16. Planning The Future

Georg heard him, but needed a few moments to get that Gustav was actually asking him to _marry him_. He hadn't even been aware that Gustav wanted to get married – but now a lot that had happened over the last few days made much more sense. The night after the department's Christmas party… so that's why Gustav was upset that night. Maybe he'd been meaning to ask him then, and…

He suddenly realized that now was not the time for his brain to be random, and instead, he looked down at the ring in Gustav's hand and stared. 

His vision was blurring, and he forgot to breathe for a moment, but then sucked in a shaky breath and blinked the tears out of his eyes. 

When he looked up, he was smiling. "Are you serious?" he whispered. "You want to marry me?"

Gustav swallowed hard. "Baby, it's all I wanna do; I love you more than anything else in the world and I want you forever, if you want me too."

Georg’s smile widened and he wiped his tears away, then nodded slowly, and his lip quivered a little. "Well… yes! Yes, of course I want to marry you, Gustav!"

He sniffled, then cupped Gustav's cheeks and kissed him hard.

Georg was crying, and that almost never happened, so of course, Gustav got tearier too. 

"Really, you do?"

When Georg nodded, he wrapped his arms around Georg, and kissed him back, just as hard, needily, with everything he felt for Georg included in it. 

He had never loved anyone the way he loved Georg, and being with him forever was all he wanted. It was everything.

"Of course I want you," Georg murmured against his lips, kissing his nose lightly. "Never ever doubt that. This is forever, and yes, I want to marry you. I want to be yours, officially, and be part of your family, and just… with you forever."

He nuzzled him and looked into his eyes. "You're a sneaky one, you know that? I didn't suspect anything at all. The hair didn't tingle either."

Gustav smiled, teary though he was. "That's cause the hair only senses evil," he whispered. "And yeah, I am sneaky, a sneaky bastard, through and through. And yet, you love me anyway."

Georg ran his fingers though Gustav's hair and snuggled into him. Then he drew back a little. "So where is that ring?" He smiled. "Finally a real ring, huh? I still have this one, though."

He pulled out the paperclip ring Gustav had made him in their office that day a few years ago when Georg had baked him clown cupcakes and had gotten them a case. He'd proposed to him then, too, and even though Georg had been clueless at the time, he'd already said yes then.   
When Georg pulled out that other ring, Gustav sniffled again; that Georg had kept that, had remembered that moment… it was one of the sweetest moments he and Georg had ever shared together.

"I always have this with me," Georg said softly, meaning the paperclip ring. “It's my lucky ring. But I love the one you got – it's simple and beautiful."

He looked into Gustav's eyes. "I love you."

Gustav touched Georg's slightly wet cheek. "I love you too."

He took a breath, wiped his eyes, and then produced the ring again, sliding it onto Georg's finger – but not before showing him the inscription.

_You are my home, you are my everything, when all else comes undone_

Georg had thought he'd done a pretty good job pulling himself together without crying too much, but when he saw the inscription, his eyes filled with tears and he sniffled. "Gusti…"

He met his eyes, then cupped both of his cheeks and kissed him again, almost desperately, needing to show him how much he adored him. He wrapped his arms around him and picked him up, kissing him for a long, long moment.  
Gustav held Georg tight, having to laugh a little when the kiss broke and he was set down; being picked up by his boyfriend always amused him, and even with all the emotion currently flowing between them, it still made him smile.

He stroked Georg's hair, smoothing the longer front part back, and looking into his eyes; between eyes and kisses, he was pretty sure they both knew how much each one loved the other.

He had almost given up on Georg; it pained him to even think about it now, but between the Marin case, the twins, his addiction, and then the Riviera case… somehow, it had never seemed to click for them, and during their time in Antibes, he had almost convinced himself to hang it up, told himself he would have to find someone new and put his feelings for Georg away, somewhere deep.

Almost. 

Almost, but never quite because he just couldn't stop hoping that somehow, someday, they would magically work out, that Georg would realize that it was Gustav he loved. And it had brought them here, to a starry cold night, just yards away from a house full of crazy people with his last name, and a warm boyfriend… fiancé now, God… holding him just as tightly as he was holding Georg.

Sometimes, the words "I love you," didn't seem to be enough, but they both knew it went so much deeper than words.

Georg held Gustav for a long time, kissing his neck and smiling. He looked up into his eyes then and set him down, brushing his hair back as well. "I can't believe we're actually getting married," he breathed, letting out a happy little squeak he couldn't have held in if he'd tried. 

"You can't, huh?" Gustav laughed at the squeak. "I kept practicing in front of the mirror, then thinking "God, he is never gonna go for this, and then you did anyway." He squeezed gently.

"Of course I did," Georg said softly. "I think we're fine the way we are right now, but I do want to take that step with you. I never thought I'd get married – well, for a short time when I was "straight", but for the last ten years and more, I never really thought about marriage. And then I fell in love with my gorgeous partner, and now I want to walk him down the aisle, carry him over the threshold and be with him for the rest of our lives."

“You _will_ be the one to carry me over, won't you? Your muscles are a force of their own. Mmmm." Gustav thought briefly of stripping Georg down and licking each prominent muscle – he'd done it before, but it had been in their backyard, in the summer, not in Magdeburg in the winter. Georg might get frostbitten nipples.

Then Georg took Gustav's hand and they walked around a bit. "So, do you want a long engagement or to get married right away? Where do you want to get married? Should we get married naked?" He snorted. "Oma and Opa would approve. Oh, and are we going to tell everyone right away or not?"

Gustav's fingers closed around the silver ring on Georg's finger, conscious of it every moment as they walked a little way down the street, then back. He couldn't keep the smile off his face, and tried to answer Georg's questions. "I'd like to get married soon," he admitted. "Not tomorrow, or anything, but soon. And I'm not sure where – open to suggestions, that's me."

He snorted. "Naked? Holy God! Uhm, maybe formal boxers?" He grinned – his grandparents were going to be thrilled, he knew. "Well… I want to; I want to go inside and make a huge deal of it, but if we do, I know that Gerard is gonna think I did this just to steal his thunder. My brother bringing home a girl is kind of a huge deal, because he can't sustain a relationship with anyone, so yeah, this is big. So how about we meet her, and all that, and then tell them at Christmas brunch?"

Georg gave him a smile. "Soon sounds good. Oh god, can you see Patty's face when we tell her? She is so going to want to plan the whole thing… which might be the best idea, or the most terrible one."

Mention of Patty made Gustav groan, then laugh. "She is gonna be over the moon and probably insist on walking you down the aisle, wrapped only in cling wrap and go-go boots."

He paused. "Come to think of it, she'd fit in here just fine."

"Patty would fit in perfectly here," Georg agreed, laughing. "And she's gonna be so happy and claim that she's the one who made the wedding happen cause she got us together."

"Which wouldn't be wrong," he added after a moment, smiling. "She did get us a heart-shaped bed after all."

"We should get a heart-shaped bed too," agreed Gustav, though he loved their bed. It had seen a LOT of action though, and the mattress was starting to show the strain. It bore thinking about.

He laughed and wrapped his arms around him as they reached the door. "Okay. We'll tell them whenever you want to. I'm just not sure I can keep the smile off my face.” 

Gustav snuggled Georg at the door. "I don't know if I can either, baby – I've never been so happy."

He meant it, and it was obvious. He rubbed the back of Georg's head – he would never get tired of the fuzzy.

Georg touched his cheek. "Oh hey! And then we'll have an amazing honeymoon! We could go to the US, what do you think? Or would you prefer the beach and the ocean again?"

Honeymoon – he was going to have a honeymoon. With GEORG. Who was going to be HIS HUSBAND.

Gustav took a deep breath. "Baby, we can go wherever you want, anywhere in the world."

They were on the back steps, and suddenly, the door swung open, and Ana poked her head out. "Oh, there you two are! Gusti, love, we're gonna sing, so I need you in here."

She looked them over. "You're glowing, darling. Either you've had a lot of kahlua, or you're in love, or both."

"Both," admitted Gustav, not letting go. "Merry Christmas, Mum."

She smiled at them, kissed both of their cheeks, and it suddenly made Gustav remember that she'd always smelled the same; like Chanel No. 5 and faint cigarette smoke. But it wasn't unpleasant to him in any way, and it would always remind him of his mother.


	17. And The Hair Tingleth

Gustav felt a weight settle on his shoe; Mitzi again, this time chewing on another clump of bright green… something. He bent and wrested it away from Mitzi. "Mum, what IS this? Did Mitzi wreck some ornament of yours?"

She looked at it and shook her head. "I never had anything that shade of green – thank God. Who knows where this one found it?"

She moved past them, taking the dog and setting her on the grass to pee before scooping the dog back up and sweeping back inside. "Come on, now – you've had time for ten cigarettes out here. Sing sing!"

It was an order, and Gustav smirked at Georg as they went back in.

Georg sighed happily, then paused when he saw the green fur. 

"Okay," he said, looking at Gustav. "My hair is tingling again, dude. This is weird."

Gustav looked at the fur, then at Georg, and nodded. His hair wasn't tingling, but his bullshit meter was functioning at an unusually high level. "Yeah, something is up. We'll figure it out. After all, when has your psychic hair – long OR short, now – ever failed you?"

"Never," Georg said. He shook his head, then followed Gustav inside, and started singing loudly – and off key – right away.

 

Gustav loved listening to Georg, for whom alcohol meant nothing when it came to singing, and when Gigi and Kati finally dragged him off to make more 'punch', Gustav made his mother happy by singing her two favorite carols – in tune, even – for her.

Mother and grandmother pacified, he went to rescue Georg before anything else happened.

A couple more hours went by, with more drinking, more eating, more songs, and many, many embarrassing stories told, that Gustav was certain that Georg was storing away for some later date. His only hope now was for a blackout drunk night.

Around 11.30 pm, a car pulled in, and Gerard bounced. "She's here!"

Georg was more than a little tipsy by the time the mysterious girlfriend arrived, and he lifted his glass, cheering. "She's here!" he called, then snorted and snickered. 

He was ten. 

Oma laughed but also looked very interested at the prospect of meeting her possibly future daughter-in-law, and everyone was holding their breath when Gerard went to get his girl.

Gustav was the first to admit that he was drunk. He was, he knew it, and didn't really care. He didn't have to drive, there was plenty of food, and he had a fiancé. Not much could faze him.

Except that Gerard's 'girl of his dreams,' which he had been hearing non-stop about for an hour now, barely came up to Gerard's nipples. And Gerard was about 5'6 on a really, really GOOD day.

Holy fuck. They had a giant and a Smurf in one room. This WAS epic.

Lorelei was small – obviously – and blonde and almost unbearably bouncy. She made the acquaintance of everyone in the room, stopping only briefly to look up at Kati in awe, but then again, everyone was doing that.

Opa surveyed her from his spot by the fireplace; Gustav was leaning against the mantel for support next to him, and said, "Well, fuck me – now we have baby Jesus for our little nativity show."

Gustav snorted, and laughed so hard that he had to sit down, hard, on the stone hearth so he wouldn't fall over.

When Gerard and Lorelei got over to him, Gerard introduced Opa to his girlfriend, and then his eyes flicked down to Gustav – and he smiled. 

There was something not quite right about that smile, but Gustav blinked, and focused on the girl.

He managed to stand, and held out his hand. "Hi, I'm Gustav, Ger's brother. Nice to meet you."

She was looking at him, and she had paled a little under her heavy blush. "Uhm, hello," she said softly. "Lorelei.”

When the… well. 

When _Smurfette_ entered the room, Georg watched her, his smile fading. His hair was tingling even more than before, and he hadn't thought that would be possible. 

It was trying to tell him something, but he couldn't quite figure out what that was. He frowned, rubbing the back of his neck and trying to think. He knew something. Something here made sense… or not. But he _knew_ something, even though he couldn't quite grasp it right now. 

Somehow, all of this was related. 

He rubbed his forehead and shook his head; he wasn't making much sense. 

When Gerard and the girl approached them, Georg saw her pale under her makeup and now he knew that something was definitely wrong. 

But _what_?

He kept frowning as he shook her hand, then blinked and tried to look a little friendlier. "Hi! I'm Georg," he managed. "Gustav's fi-boyfriend."

He nodded, then sipped more wine, that being the closest alcohol at present.

"Hello," she said faintly, and then moved on with Gerard, to the other grandparents, finally settling down with her back to the two boys.

Gustav looked over at his brother, who looked smug, and then looked up as Kati – still naked – walked over to them and sat down on the arm of the sofa, giving Gustav's dad a thrill that could only come at Christmas.

"Gustav, I don't like your brother," she said. Her thick accent was more understandable when drunk, thought Gustav, focusing. "He is a little snot. Not just physically, but mentally too. I am sorry, Mr. Schäfer," she added, to which his father waved his drink, sloshing some on his velour track suit. "Jack, Jack. And he's always been a little snot. I think Ana dropped acid when she was cooking him."

Gustav wouldn't be surprised at all, and tried to not laugh. His father was rarely not drunk, yet he and his mum seemed happy, even after almost thirty years. 

"He's a dick," said Gustav, who was nothing if not blunt. "Usually he masks that part of him, but tonight, he's in rare form. You'd think he was the first person in history to be getting some."

"Gustav," Georg said after a moment, tugging on Gustav's sleeve like a five year old who wanted 'up'. "Gustav. Gusti. Gustav."

Gustav raised a brow and looked over at Georg. "Hi," he said, running his fingers through Georg's hair on top, then smoothing a curl around his finger. "Whassup?"

Georg blinked when he realized that Gustav was already looking at him, and flashed him a wide beam. Then he leaned in. "There's something fishy going on here. Tingle tingle tingle!"

Gustav listened carefully, and then blinked. "Tingle tingle tingle?"

Hmm.

"Yes. Tingle tingle tingle. Not to be confused with Jingle jingle jingle, which is what we should be doing."

He beamed and sang, "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells…"

He facepalmed and looked at him. "Seriously, though, hair is tingling big time. BIG time."

"Does jingle jingle jingle mean sex now?" Opa peered up at them. "Just trying to keep current with the kid's vernacular."

Gustav grinned. "Opa, _everything_ means sex now, don'tcha know. Basically, you can warp anything to sexual purpose." He nodded, and so did Opa. 

"Thought so."

When Georg was finished singing, he facepalmed too, then grew serious. "Okay, so if you're feeling like this, something is amiss and we have to figure this out. So we need fresh air, a beer, and to smoke."

He nodded. It sounded like a plan to him.

"Let me jingle your bell, baby, yeeaaah," Georg said, and his voice sounded vaguely like Austin Powers'. 

He blinked. "That does sound like a very good plan indeed! Let me get the beers, you go get the cigarettes and I'll meet you under our tree in a minute.” 

Yes, it was THEIR tree now.  
Gustav cracked up – loudly – causing his brother to look over at him. Gustav smiled back, a sickeningly SWEET smile, guaranteed to make his brother scowl. It worked.

Satisfied, Gustav retrieved a fresh pack of Marlboros from his stash and met Georg under the Smooching Tree, as he would call it from there on out.

He lit cigarettes for both of them, then sipped his cold, cold beer. Ahhhh.


	18. Green Fuzz

"Okay, so let's look at things. Gerard is being a bigger ass than usual, and his girlfriend is a Little Person. Now normally, that would just be normal – for here – but tonight, it feels wrong. He keeps looking at me – us – with this sick little smirk, like he's got something on me. Like he knows something I don't."

Gustav scowled. "He _doesn't_ know a fucking thing, but he THINKS he does and that's annoying."

Georg nodded, a lot. Then he jumped up and down. "AND his little girlfriend totally paled when she saw us, which is weird. Right?"

He shook his head. "It's like it's on the tip of my tongue, you know? I'm this close to knowing what's going on, but whether it's the booze or just my brain that doesn't let me figure out the rest, I don't know. I just can't… figure it out! And it's frustrating, which might make me pull out the rest of my hair, which would be bad cause I don't want to look like Gollum."

Gustav watched him jump until he got dizzy, then took a long drag off his cigarette.

He listened, then nodded. "I know what you mean – and darling, no pulling hair out. If you won't go for a buzz, then I don't think the nearly bald look will work for you either. Although it might, cause you're fucking hot no matter what."

He thought more. He absently stuck his hand in his pocket, and encountered the green whatever-it-was.

He pulled it out and looked at it. "Any idea what this could be from? The dog's pulled at least two clumps of this out from _somewhere_."

Georg nodded. "Yeah, the hair was tingling when I saw that before, too. It's involved."

He snorted. "A green ball of fuzz is involved." 

He snickered, then eyed the… thing, and shook his head. "No idea. A green teddy? Socks? Some sort of Christmas decoration?"

He shook his head. "No clue, dude."

Gustav took another sip of beer. "A Christmas decoration, cause I've never seen anything else around here that shade of green. So what is this shade of green? Not a tree… a stocking, maybe? An ornament? It has to be something that dog can reach, and she's not exactly spry anymore."

A bright green ball of fuzz. A smug asshole brother. His little girlfriend – literally.

Something tied them all together. SOMETHING.

"I know. It… it's like it should make sense, but it doesn't. Maybe we're just too drunk. But… not really, you know? We work great when we're drunk. Or maybe we're just reading too much into it. Maybe my hair is tingling because of that weird-smelling purple shampoo the hairstylist used on me… Or maybe I have an allergic reaction to my hair gel. I've never used that stuff before, so it's possible."

He took another drag off his cigarette.

Gustav regarded Georg seriously, or as seriously as he could under the circumstances. "Honey, I don't think it has anything to do with product, just your glorious fuzz. You've tingled from Suave alone."

He kept thinking, then blinked. "Little people," he said suddenly. "The elves. At the murder scene. The elf we were talking to was a female, and she was having an affair with Santa and…"

He swallowed. "The Grinch. Hagen, what color is the Grinch?"

"Pink!" Georg said cheerfully, not really seeing how any of this could make sense. 

Then he paused, looking down at the fuzz in Gustav's hand. He picked it up and frowned. "About this color," he said softly. 

Then he looked at Gustav. "So… wait, what? You think Gerard..?"

Gustav bit his lip and then looked up as a door somewhere opened and shut. It could be theirs, it could be the neighbor's – the night was quiet.

He moved, looking all around, then took Georg's hand and led him over to his truck, getting in with him, and turning on the heat – and the CD – and locking all the doors.

His brother was a consummate eavesdropper, that sneaky little fuckwad.

"Okay… we get to the scene, right? The elf in question was female, but she had a lot of makeup on, remember? And a white, sparkly wig.

"Santa was shot by a guy – we think – in a Grinch outfit. He timed his attack to coincide with that school Christmas parade, right? He blended in. So he couldn't have been an overly tall guy."

Gustav put out his cigarette and took a drink of beer. "So, while you were out getting your hair cut, I went to the office, and read the initial reports by the beat guys, AND the coroner's report. She said that the stain we saw on Santa's suit WAS synthetic hormones – estrogen. She also noted that some dwarf women have estrogen levels that are really low, so they may take supplements or injections. It smells sweet, like cough syrup, almost."

His brain was ticking over faster now. "This green shit has been dragged out by the dog, right? Maybe she smells something – that hormone – because it's on the suit, the Grinch suit. Because it would have rubbed off from Lorelei's injection site, onto my…"

Gustav swallowed. "…my brother. That's why she won't look at us, in case we recognize her. I bet she has no idea that I'm Gerard's brother. I bet he never told her. And he KNOWS we caught the scene. He's sitting there, laughing at us. At me."

Georg bit his lip as he listened to Gustav, knowing this probably wasn't easy for him, even though they didn't have any REALLY definite proof yet. He rubbed the back of his neck and leaned back, taking a deep breath. 

"It all makes sense," he admitted. "I don't know, Gustav. If we're wrong, it's a pretty serious accusation that he may never forgive you for, but on the other hand… it DOES all make sense."

He sighed. "How can we find out for sure?" he asked; himself, more than Gustav. 

After a moment, he added, "Also, if it's true, you're brilliant for figuring that one out."

"Yeah, I'm brilliant. My brother is a murderer, and apparently a sociopath too, and he's done this on purpose; either he thinks it’s so unreal and far out that I would never figure it out, or he's been waiting to get caught. Either way, no one mentally stable acts like this, Geo. I knew Gerard was odd, sure. I knew he had no direction, that he was jealous of me because I did, but never in a million fucking years did I think he'd do something like this. Was she cheating on him? Did he just think she was? At any rate, a normal person would run, not sit across from the officer whose case this is, and SMILE at him."

He took a breath. "My little brother is a sociopath and a killer."

Gustav drained his beer. "We need to find that suit. If it has the hormone on it, we can link it to Lorelei, and from her to the Santa. But the gun. Where would he get the gun, and more importantly, where is it now?"

Georg nodded. "I'm sorry, Gusti," he said softly. "I can't even imagine what this must be like for you."

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Okay. I say we go in. I'm going to look for the suit and the gun while you go back to the others and entertain them. If they ask where I am, you'll just tell them I had to poop – you know they won't doubt that and come looking for me as, thanks to you, my pooping habits are legendary."

He gave him a little grin, then finished his beer. "Okay, let's go, and I'll see you in a few minutes, hopefully with a green rug that has nothing at all to do with a Grinch suit."

"Don't worry about me," Gustav said, touching Georg's thigh lightly. "If this is true, if we're right at all, then Gerard stopped being my baby brother a while ago. Now I just worry about what he'll do."

He nodded in response to Georg's words. "All right. You do that, and I'll go be the clown I've always been, and just… I don't know. Act casual. And speak about your pooping habits."

He leaned over and kissed Georg for a long moment. "I love you. This is fucked up, but I love you more than anything."

They turned off the engine and slid out of the truck, then went back into the house. Gerard had apparently not moved, and Lorelei still was across the room from where they'd been, so Gustav nodded to them, and went back to where he was, his brain whirring.

When his mother, predictably, asked where Georg was, Gustav pointed upstairs. "You know, Geo, always doing big business at the weirdest time. I think it was the finger rolls this time, and dude. Do not go up there."


	19. Shit Hits The Fan

Georg wasn't entirely sure where to go but made his way upstairs, deciding to check all the rooms. First, he landed in his future mother and father-in-law's bedroom – which made him smile because yay! he was going to get married – then made his way into the bathroom…

…and peed. Hey, he was there already, so he might as well do what he needed to do.

Then he made his way into the next room, which appeared to be a guest room. The handcuffs and overly large, pink, frilly panties on the bed made him suspect that it might be Giselle and Kati's room for the night. 

Also, he was scarred for life.

He finally made his way up to the upper floor where he found a room that made him smile. It had pictures of Gustav. He forgot about his mission for a moment and looked at the photographs of Gustav as a baby, a toddler, a child, a teenager, one from the time when he had first seen him – and how was it possible he hadn't fallen in love with him right that instant? – and one of the two of them, looking in love. 

The bed was large, and Georg could tell that this would be _their_ room for the night. 

Finally, he made his way into the last bedroom that was undoubtedly Gerard's. He closed the door behind him and started looking around, wrinkling his nose at the mess. He looked into a few drawers, then made his way over to the large wardrobe, taking a breath before he opened it. 

No Grinch suit. 

He let out a breath of relief and was about to leave the room when something very green and very fuzzy peeking out from under the bed caught his attention. Before he could check on it, there was scratching on the door and he blinked before opening the door and seeing that the dog had come back for more green fuzz, apparently. 

He ran inside, tugged on the green whatever-it-was, and then took off again. 

Georg, on the other hand, bent down and tugged on the green fabric. His heart sank when he recognized the Grinch suit. 

He rubbed his forehead and took a breath, then went back to the drawers, fumbling around in them, looking for the gun. His heart sank MORE when he felt something hard. He took a pair of clean boxer shorts, using it to pull the gun out of the drawer – to make sure he didn't wipe the fingerprints off. Even though the fact that he had found the gun in Gerard's drawer was probably enough evidence. 

He licked his lips, then sighed heavily and made his way downstairs with the suit and the gun, leaving them in the downstairs bathroom as he went to get Gustav. 

"Pssst," he said from the door. "Gustav!"

He nodded his head in the direction of the toilet, asking Gustav to join him. 

Oma's brows shot up. "Goodness, are you having digestion problems, dear?"

Georg gave her a tight smile and nodded. "Yeah. It's the finger rolls.”

Gustav knew from the set of Georg's lips that it was all over except for… well. Arresting and booking his brother for murder.

T'was the night before Christmas, after all.

His Opa was watching him, saw how Gustav carefully arranged his face as he stood up – then rolled his head on his neck, stretching it, and casually glancing over at his other grandson.

…who was watching Gustav with an odd look on his face. Opa decided he didn't much like that look.

He stood up and made his way down the hall to the other guest room, the one where he and Oma were staying, and found a pair of pants and a shirt – he did occasionally dress, since he understood that not everyone embraced his chosen lifestyle. Being crafty, he laid them out, then went back to keep an eye on his grandson and his 'little woman.'

He had read about the Grinch murder online – he kept an eye on Hamburg news, watching out for his Gusti – and now had a sick feeling in his stomach, telling him all was not calm, all was not bright.

Gustav went into the bathroom with Georg, closing and locking the door behind him. His boy didn't need to say anything to him though… the suit said it all.

He swallowed hard, and leaned against the bathroom sink. "Fuck."

"I'm sorry. I almost didn't find it; it was under the bed, and the gun in his underwear drawer. As if finding those things wasn't scarring enough already, I also had to touch his boxers."

He grimaced, then cupped Gustav's cheeks. "You don't have to arrest him, you know?" he said softly, biting his lip. "I know we're supposed to, and what he did was terrible, but…"

He glanced down, then up again. "I would kill for you," he said quietly. "If he did it out of love, then I can understand him – I would kill for you too."

He touched his cheeks gently. "It's your call, baby."

"Lucky you – I hope they were clean and he's abandoned his 'wear twice, turn inside out and wear again" policy. He started doing that when he was like, eight, and Mum found out and nearly killed him. And then burned all his underwear and bought new."

Gustav sighed. "Baby, you don't have to be sorry – or, be sorry for him cause that is one fucked-up guy. And… will you call Magdeburg PD and tell them to send a car – unmarked, no siren, to spare my parents – for Gerard and then have them call Hamburg? I… I can't."

It was the first time Gustav could ever remember saying he couldn't do something – even as a child, his attitude had been "I can, but I might get hurt, but oh well, we have major medical, right?"

Never had he said, "I can't."

Gustav swallowed, and then took a breath. "I know," he said softly. "I would for you, too. I wanted to kill Eugenie for even _touching_ you, and if she'd truly hurt you, or if that asshole Mike had burned you badly, then they'd both be dead. And I would never have even hesitated."

He closed his eyes and moved into Georg's arms for a long moment, just breathing him in, needing him.

Georg nodded. "I know," he said softly, wrapping his arms around Gustav and pulling him close. "And sure I can, baby. Whatever you need me to do."

He stroked Gustav's back gently and kissed his neck, breathing him in as well. He hoped he could give him some strength to get through this – and would distract him later. 

He finally kissed his forehead and stepped back. Then he grabbed his phone and made his way into the empty kitchen, making the call.

Gustav stayed a moment in the bathroom, then made his way out, looking for his brother.

He wasn't there. Neither was Lorelei.

They had better be outside for a smoke, thought Gustav, or be making out somewhere, or else there was going to be trouble of an epic sort. He didn't care for himself – he didn't even care for Gigi and Kati, cause he knew that despite all outward appearances, they were a bit like he and Georg, able to roll with it.

Scary, but true.

Ana nabbed him as he looked around. "Is your boy okay, sweetheart? I thought those rolls were fine…"

Gustav blinked. "They are, Mum – Geo's stomach is funky. Maybe it was the egg salad, you never know. Do you know where naked Jesus and Teenytown are?"

It was to her credit that SHE didn't even blink.

"They said something about Midnight Mass," she said, waving in the direction of the door, and Gustav cursed then, in a way neither baby nor grown-up Jesus would likely appreciate on his birthday.

He moved past his mother and bumped into Georg. "Did you call?"

"Yeah," Georg said, nodding. "They said they'd be here in five… what's wrong?" 

He frowned and touched his cheek.

"Little fuckers slipped out, is what." He looked over at his Oma, who was watching him with a worried expression, and then at the others, who were clueless. For once, he was glad for that.

He took Georg's arm. "Midnight Mass my fucking ASS," he muttered, and went out the back door, looking up quickly when he heard the sounds of two cars running, one revving its engine heavily.

The ground was slippery, and he almost lost his footing scrambling around to the front of the house, but what he saw made him see red – and not cheery, Christmas red, but blood-red.

Gerard and Lorelei were out here, true; she was in the car, and he was standing outside – clothed, thank fuck – but it was what Gerard was doing that nearly sent Gustav over the edge.

His Opa had blocked the driveway with his vehicle, and it had been rammed, but for a little Kia, that sucker was tough. A frustrated Gerard had then exited his shit heap of a car and was facing his (also clothed) grandfather.

With a gun. And not just ANY gun. Josie.

The driver's side window of Gustav's truck had been smashed, and his gun – stored safely in a compartment under the seat, in a LOCKED TRUCK – had been stolen. By a little shit with issues he couldn't even begin to fathom.

Gustav didn't even think, just bellowed "GERARD!"


	20. Schäfer VS Schäfer

It was enough to wake the neighborhood, and when lights started going on around them, he knew he had.

Georg wanted to ask what the fuck Gerard thought he was doing, but instead, he ducked behind a bush when Gerard looked his way. Then he got onto the ground – aaahhh, cold! – and stayed down as he crawled his way over to the driveway, always hidden behind bushes and trees to make sure Gerard didn't see him. 

He finally managed to get up, and while Gustav – and Opa – were distracting Gerard, Georg tried to approach Gerard from behind to take the gun away from him. He stayed hidden for another moment, then was poised to jump Gerard – but he'd completely forgotten about Smurfette, who had, at some point gotten out of the car and had now pushed HIM down and was straddling him, keeping him pinned. 

"Get OFF me, you little–" 

As he tried to regain control of the situation, he got a peek at Gerard who seemed to be distracted by all of them now, and not sure where to look – or point his gun.

Gerard had briefly – too briefly – swung his gun around to Georg, but after a moment had apparently decided that his wee girlfriend had things under control, and turned Josie back to who he knew to be the biggest threat.

"Ger," said Gustav, straining hard to not bellow, to not run at his brother and do him some damage. "Ger, don't do this. This is not your smartest idea."

Gerard smiled at him. "Gusti, Gusti, Gusti… I think this is a brilliant idea. Not only will I get away with putting down a fat fuck who was trying to take my girl from me, I just might put down my super-brother in the bargain. With his own gun, no less."

He looked down at Josie. "Pretty girl – only girl you've ever slept with, hey brother? Only one who'd want you. And she's cold, huh? Beautiful but cold."

He looked over at their grandfather, standing motionless, but missing nothing. "That fucking dog," he said conversationally. "Might shoot IT, first. Little fucker couldn't stop shredding my suit… and you should be pissed at it too, Gusti. Had I not seen the green crap in her mouth, I might not have known that you and your wonder fuck had figured it out. But hey, fun while it lasted. Fun to watch you from across the room, knowing I was the case you failed on. It was fucking AMAZING."

"Did you tell her?" Gustav's voice was amazingly conversational. "Did she know we were related? Cause I think she nearly shit her little yellow thong when she laid eyes on me."

He paused. "Course, at that moment, she probably realized she picked the wrong brother, picked the losing horse on her wee carousel. That's enough to make anyone soil their panties."

Gerard's face darkened. "Shut the fuck up!"

"Why? You think you're gonna kill me, so let's have a deathbed talk, shall we? You're disturbed as fuck, I got nothing but time, and hey…"

"You think you're so fucking smart, don't you? Always have! Always so smug, the big shot, the success!"

"Yeah. Yeah, I am all those things, ‘cause I work my fucking ass off to be those things. I do my job, I do it well, and because I do, people like you and Smurfette over there can walk around, flying your little freak flag!"

He shrugged. "Course, I didn't know your freakishness had extended into homicidal rage, but hey, you learn something new every day. But now that we've exchanged niceties…"

Kati and Gigi, in robes, were at the back door, and Gustav saw his parents' faces try to peer over their shoulders… and was grateful when Oma pulled them back. Gerard didn't need more targets. One was enough.

"Now that we've been pleasant – WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, HOLDING A GUN TO OUR OPA?"

Okay, he was bellowing again – tough shit. "You little fuckwit! How big of a goddamned coward are you?"

Gerard grimaced. "He was in my way – said I wasn't going anywhere, that he knew what I'd done. Always the savior of his favorite kid – you! Always had your back!"

The cars had to be arriving soon – Gustav could feel it.

"Yeah, he did. Because again, he could pick the winning horse, you sorry-assed little dick. Oh, wait – you sorry-assed, _murdering_ little dick. Little in every single bloody way there is."

That did it. Gerard snarled and raised the gun – he was barely seven feet away from Gustav, and even a novice could hit a target that close.

He heard Gigi wail just as Gerard pulled the trigger…


	21. Josie And The Frying Pan

…and nothing happened.

Josie, who had never jammed, never failed, never faltered, jammed then and didn't fire. And in that moment, a lot of things happened.

A second after recovering from the shock of almost seeing his fiancé get shot, Georg pushed Smurfette off him, who was then grabbed by Kati and held in place. Contrary to Georg, she had no problem dealing with the little shit, who struggled mightily, to no avail. 

It gave Gerard enough time to pale, panic and try to run away. Georg scrambled to his feet and ran after him, while Gustav did the same from the other side. Before they could reach him, two police cars arrived; the officers got out of their cars and pointed their guns – at just about anyone, considering there was such a chaos that it was hard to tell who was the one to be arrested. 

Gerard, seeing the police, turned around and ran back towards the house, successfully avoiding running straight into Georg or Gustav's arms – the slippery lawn was not their friend. They followed him while Gigi, Ana and Gustav's dad made their way over to Opa. 

Gerard was out of sight then, and Georg cursed under his breath, blinking just like the rest of them when there was suddenly a loud 'DOING', then a dull thump. When they got close enough, they saw Gerard lying on the floor, rubbing his forehead and looking confused and disoriented…

…and Oma standing above him, naked, an old frying pan in her hand. 

She looked down at Gerard, not nice and sweet, the way she always did, but with furious anger. "You should be ashamed of yourself!" she said. 

Then she swung the pan again, knocking Gerard unconscious. 

Georg just stood there and stared, awed.

Gustav pulled up and stared too, just as awed for a long moment… then grinned. "You are the most awesome grandmother EVER!”

Outside, Kati had turned Lorelei to the police; they had been briefed thoroughly by the Hamburg PD, who would arrive tomorrow to take both her and Gerard into custody; tonight, they would be secured in Magdeburg.

The officers were all awed in their turn by Kati, as well they should be, and she accepted their compliments gracefully, then wrapped her arms around Gigi, who was understandably upset, holding her close.

Opa was fine, however – he explained things as calmly as he could to his daughter and son in law, then hugged Ana for a long moment when it sank in that her baby had actually killed someone, and nearly killed her OTHER baby. Then he turned her over to Jack, who had never been more suddenly or painfully sober.

Officers entering the kitchen were somewhat surprised to see a naked senior citizen standing over a suspect with a frying pan, but recovered quickly enough to get Gerard to his feet – unconscious, but still deemed alright after a quick inspection – and cuff him, carrying him out to the car. The other officers bagged the suit and gun, and Lorelei's bag, but not before Gustav spotted a vial and a needle. He was willing to bet he knew what it was.

Gustav's gun had skidded across the floor, and after a cursory inspection, it was returned to him, safety on, of course.

"That's my good girl," he murmured, caressing the barrel and handgrip before depositing her in his pocket.

Opa burst in then, having been told what his wife had done, and made his way over to her, kissing her soundly, and in a manner that said they were in no way too old for THAT.

"That's my girl," he said with satisfaction. "Clocked him a good one, you did."

"She was amazing," said Gustav admiringly. "So were you. Forget the police force – Geo and I should just take you two along for backup."

Opa smiled, then came over to hug Gustav. "You're a brave boy," he said, "Got a big mouth, though. And shit luck."

"Josie would never hurt me," Gustav said simply. "She just wouldn't. And it’s not time for me to die – I have a wedding to plan."

He took Georg's hand and showed it to them, the ring glinting brilliantly in the overhead light.

Oma grinned back, then stared at the ring. "You're getting married???"

Georg grinned. "Yes. Yes, we are. Gustav asked me earlier tonight, and… we're getting married!"

"Ooohh, I'm so happy for you! Come here!"

Oma hugged them both, still unbothered by the fact that she was very naked. Hearing Oma exclaiming happily got everyone else's attention, and one by one, they came back into the house when the police had taken Gerard away. At their curious faces, Georg just grinned. 

"We're getting married!"

Ana was still stunned, but as Gustav would find later, she was not as shocked as she could have been, having sensed something was badly off with her youngest for a while. But seeing the ring and hearing their news, she cupped Gustav's face and sniffled before kissing him on both cheeks. "One kiss for you being safe," she whispered, "and one for you being happy, my love."

Gustav blinked – he hated to see his mother cry, even though he knew this was a mixed bag of happy and sad. "I'm alright, Mum; told you a long time ago that God looks out for fools, drunks and little kids, and I'm all of those things at one time or another. Plus, it was Josie. I know you think I'm nuts, but she wouldn't hurt me."

Ana took a deep breath. "Darling, you have the luck of a million gamblers, but can you try and just… I don't know. Patrol a shopping mall? Except with your luck, it would be a headquarters for a world prostitution ring."

Despite the high emotions, Gustav laughed. "Probably, yeah. But I'm careful, Mum, I have Georg and it’s all gonna be okay. Ger will get professional help this way – I'll make sure of it."

She nodded, then turned to hug Georg.

Meanwhile, Gigi and Kati had descended and were patting and hugging him. Gustav wiped his sister's face. "I'm okay, G, I'm fine."

"I thought he was gonna kill you," she whispered into his chest. "I was so scared."

"Me too. But I'm okay, and Gerard will eventually be okay, and you're gonna have a hot brother in law, so it’s all fine. And our grandparents rock, huh?"

He tilted up her face and kissed her nose, and she had to smile. "They really do."

Oma grinned at Opa. "You hear that, darling? We ROCK!"

Opa turned to his wife and smiled. "Of course we do!"

Georg smiled and hugged Ana back, stroking her hair. "I am making sure nothing happens to him, you know? I'll always look out for him, make sure he's safe. You don't have to worry about him. We've been through a lot and we're still standing, and that's not gonna change, ever."

Ana sighed. "I know you do, dear, and thank God he has you."

She sniffled. "So you're really getting married? I am so happy for you two, honestly. I know it doesn't look like it, but…"

"Mum, it’s okay. It’s not the best timing, but we thought if we said anything earlier, it would take away from Gerard's news that some misbegotten girl actually liked him. And then of course, we got a clue – thanks to Mitzi, even if she does pee on Dad's shoes every morning – and then, things just happened."

He sighed. "I'm sorry, Mum – if I could have timed this any other way, I would have."

"Gustav, boy, don't worry. We had a good time, lots of food, booze, lots of having family around. This is a terrible thing, but you tried to do it as quietly as you could. If Gerard hadn't been an asshole at the last moment, the police would have taken him away nice and quiet."

Opa squeezed his shoulder. "Ana, love, this might be the best thing to ever happen to that boy – you and Jack have tried, Gretchen and I have tried. HE never tried, love. He kept himself down, he lived in Gustav's shadow, and wound up hurting them both for it. It's sad, but it is his choice."

Ana swallowed. "You're right. I know."

Gustav leaned against Georg, and sighed. All the alcohol he had drunk, the adrenaline, and the emotion were wearing on him, and it was starting to show.


	22. A Good Boyfriend... Fiancé Is Hard To Find

Georg looked at him, stroking his hair. "You okay, baby?" he asked softly. "Do you want me to take you upstairs, give you a massage and kiss you until you fall asleep?"

He nuzzled him, then looked at Kati and Gigi. "And you, girls? I saw the handcuffs – I hope you're not going to be as loud as Gustav usually is – I think we're gonna need our beauty sleep tonight."

He grinned and smooched Gustav. "Shall we?”

Speaking of bedtime, Oma was giving Opa a warm look, and Georg, watching them, laughed. "That," he said to Gustav. "That's what I want us to be like when we're their age."

He paused. "Without the nudity in public."

"Nudity in public is not a bad thing, boy," Opa said to Georg. "I mean, you survived and gave the whole park stuff to talk about for the next week. The men were jealous of how everything hung, and the ladies liked… well, the equipment, and the hair."

Georg smiled. "I know it isn't. I actually enjoyed it, but… I'm still more comfortable in my clothes. But maybe someday."

Opa nodded. "But Gustav likes this hair, no? So you did the right thing."

Gustav smiled. "Gustav loves this, definitely. Gustav tends to just be madly in love with Geo, no matter how he looks now, has ever looked, WILL ever look."

He leaned against Georg. "And he's ready for bed, too. Mum, can we help clean up?"

She sighed and shook her head. "No, darling, you go up to your room. Dad and I will clean up, and then I'm going to mix myself a big vodka tonic, sit down and collect myself. You go to bed, both of you."

"It's a way of life," agreed Opa, and then did something he hadn't done in years; he kissed Gustav's forehead and cupped his cheek. "I'm proud of you. You scared the hell out of me, but I see why you do as well as you do. You're a good boy."

Georg gave them all a smile, then tried to brush his formerly long hair behind his ear again before realizing that he didn't HAVE the hair anymore. Then he looked down at Gustav and smiled at everyone. "Okay, I'm going to take this one to bed then. We will see you in the morning. Goodnight, everyone."

From Opa, there was no greater compliment, Gustav knew; he smiled back, then had to smile more at Georg. "My boy and his phantom hair syndrome," he said softly, then smoothed it for him as they walked upstairs.

Gigi and Kati had promised to be quiet, smooched them both, and gone up the stairs before them. Gustav had a quiet word with his shaken father, and after kissing his mum goodnight, they went up, Gustav leading the way into his room.

"God, it’s not that different than it was," Gustav said, looking around. "It's a time capsule."

He pulled off his sweater and his belt, then toed off his boots, and sat down on the edge of his bed.

Georg kicked off his shoes as well and sat down next to him. "I came into this room earlier – you were so adorable as a kid. And you still are. But now you're also sexy."

He gave him a smile and kissed his temple, then wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close. He nuzzled him. "I love you. I know it's been a rough night, so let's just get naked, cuddle and sleep, okay? We'll both be hung-over tomorrow, so we should drink some water before we do sleep."

Gustav managed a little smile. "Yeah, I was a cute kid. We all were. We looked like one of those little nesting doll sets, you know? All blonde and pink-cheeked, like we just skied down the Alps to pose for a calendar."

He looked down at his toes as Georg nuzzled him, and whispered back, "I love you too… I don't know if I can sleep."

His vision clouded, and he took off his glasses, tossing them onto his old desk, and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes.

Georg looked at him worriedly, then got onto the bed and sat down behind him, his legs on either side of Gustav. He wrapped his arms around him and kissed his neck, resting his chin on his shoulder. 

"I'm sorry, baby," he murmured. "I can't imagine what you're going through now. Maybe you should just take a sleeping pill; forget about it for a while. I'll stay here with you."

"Yeah, maybe I should."

He had Ambien for those nights that he just _couldn't_ sleep; those nights were few, but when he needed them, he needed them.

Right now, he didn't know if even those would help; he could feel tears threatening, and he didn't want to cry in front of Georg. He had, before, yeah, but this felt like it could get sincerely out of hand, and he didn't want Georg's memories of their Engagement Night sullied any further.

"You should just get some sleep, Hagen," he said softly. "It’s been a really long night for you, too, and I really should tape up that window in the truck before all my stuff gets snowed on."

Georg shook his head. "No, baby – I'm staying right here with you. If you need to cry, cry. Don't worry about me, okay? I'm not going to judge you or think… I don't know. I don't have siblings but I can imagine what you feel like right now, so just… come here, and let it out. Then you'll sleep, and I'll fix the window."

He kissed his forehead. "I'm serious, and I'm not taking no for an answer."

He pulled Gustav down onto the bed and kissed his forehead, tucking his head under his chin and holding him.

Gustav looked over at Georg, and couldn't help it when his eyes filled with tears. He didn't want them to, and he didn't want Georg to see it, but he was too tired, too wrought up to do anything else.

So he crawled into Georg's arms and pressed his face into Georg's neck and let the tears come. 

It took a while, but he finally fell asleep against Georg's chest, the jumbled images behind his eyelids stilled.

Georg held Gustav until he fell asleep – and until he was sure Gustav wasn't going to wake up anytime soon. 

Only then did he kiss his forehead and tuck him in before getting up, pulling on his shoes and jacket, and going out to tape the window shut. When he was done with that, he smoked a few cigarettes, walking around and thinking, and finally went back upstairs. He washed his face and brushed his teeth, then took off his clothes and climbed into the bed with Gustav, wrapping his arms around him and snuggling until he, too, fell asleep.


	23. Breakfast With Opa And Unwanted Nudity

Gustav woke the next morning, pressed against Georg, who was taking up most of the bed; he tended to sprawl. Normally Gustav would have given him a gentle shove and fallen back asleep, but today, he looked down at his fiancé, and felt a small smile touch his lips. Georg was gorgeous when he slept – and when he was awake, and everything in between.

Gustav watched him for a moment, then slid out of bed, retrieving his ancient Looney Tunes robe from its hook on his closet door, and leaving the room; he padded down to the tidied-up kitchen, happy to smell coffee brewing. He poured a cup, then listened; the house was still quiet. He spotted Opa on the porch – also robed, good – and went out to sit beside him. It was chilly, but not bad. Bracing.

"Morning," said his grandfather quietly, and Gustav nodded. "Morning."

"Georg was up at half one, still, taping your window up; said something about not getting snow on your mix CD."

Gustav raised a brow and had to laugh, a small sound in the silence. "He was? Thought he passed out when I did. I kind of cried myself out on him, then crashed. Sneaky boy. And his mix CD, seriously."

Gustav shook his head. "He's a dork – my dork, but a dork all the same."

"A dork who loves you, Gusti."

"I know. How lucky am I? He puts up with a LOT and still loves me, so go figure that out."

Opa smiled. "That's pretty much the definition of love, no?"

Gustav nodded, then lit a cigarette from the pack he'd stuck in his pocket, and rubbed his face.

"Thought you'd ditched that habit, boy," Opa said, eyeing him, and Gustav sighed. 

"I have, like, twice, but somehow, I get sucked back in. I blame Geo, but he claims we're both quitting after the New Year. I have my doubts about his willpower when it comes to this, but I definitely am going to. My body is a temple, after all."

A snort was his reply. "Well, hope you do. I quit when you kids were born, never looked back. 'Course, Gretchen would have beaten me with a stick if I'd slid back, so there was that incentive too."

Gustav had to smile at the thought. "As long as it wasn't a frying pan; she's fucking fierce with that thing."

"How well I know. I was proud of her, but then again, she was as angry as I've ever seen her."

"She should have been – pulling a gun on YOU? I nearly killed that little shit with my bare hands. I still might."

Gustav sighed and thought about Gerard. "How jealous do you have to be, to do that kind of thing?"

Opa shrugged. "Gerard's always been a lost soul, boy, a classic middle child through and through. You were a character from birth, so was Giselle, and he always thought he had to be better, more crazy, more interesting, more out there – look at that tattoo, seriously. Or don't, rather. He tried hard to be artificially what you are by nature. And somehow, to him, he seemed a pale imitation of you. He worshipped you, but he couldn't BE you, and that frustrated him badly. You were an entertaining kid, went on to become a smart – and smart-assed – teen, then a brave man who does one of the most dangerous jobs there is, keeping us safe from the fringe. Maybe he felt in the end, being the fringe was what it was gonna take to step out of your shadow."

Gustav pondered this. "Do you think he killed for love or attention?"

"Both, maybe. She was the only girl he ever liked who was weird as he was, and perhaps passion is that deep. But face it, his life was going nowhere, and now he'll have some notoriety. This was made for the tabloids."

"Shit. This is all Mum and Dad need, all you and Oma need – hell, all Geo and I need."

"We'll all be fine. Ana and Jack are upset, yes, and they will be, but Gerard will get the help he needs, I hope, and for a while, where he is and what he's doing will be a known quantity. Maybe that will be a relief in its own way. And Gusti, you did your job. You did it quickly and well, and Georg told me how you figured that out. You're a smart boy, so is he. I was impressed."

"Never has being right sucked so much, though." Gustav finished his cigarette and put it out. "I felt sick when I realized it was him."

"Of course you did. He's always been your eccentric little brother and that hurts. And it was a throw into your face too, and that pissed you off, as it should. Gusti…"

His grandfather made him look at him. "None of this is your fault, and you did the right thing. You can feel however you want, for as long as you want, but know that. Talk to someone if you want to, then straighten up, plan your wedding – well, Gretchen already has, but – and love your boy. Okay?"

Gustav had to smile. "Okay. And she has? Oh God. I can't wear white. I'm not a virgin."

Opa snorted, then cracked up, and that's how the rest of the group found them, snorting on the porch about a half hour later.

"Good morning to you two," Ana said with a smile, ruffling Gustav's hair and smooching Opa's head. She had mostly recovered from the shock of one of her boys getting arrested because he'd killed someone, and was now feeling at least a little better. Some vodka later would make her feel even better, though. 

Everyone else was seemingly suddenly awake, and soon the kitchen was full of people trying to get coffee and helping to cook breakfast. 

The only one who was still asleep was Georg, but it didn't take much longer for him to wake up too. He rolled over and rubbed his eyes, pouting when Gustav wasn't next to him. He'd gotten used to Gustav being there next to him, all warm and soft and comfortable, when he woke up. 

He tried to go back to sleep for a moment, then changed his mind and got out of bed, scratching his head as he made his way downstairs. 

When he entered the kitchen, everyone stopped talking and stared at him. Georg gave them all a sleepy smile. "Hey," he murmured, rubbing the back of his neck. "What's up?"

Gigi snorted and buried her face in Kati's boobs as she laughed while Georg just stood there, confused. Oma was the one to reply. "You are, dear. Did you forget to go to the bathroom?"

She gave him a sweet smile, and Georg blinked a few times before looking down, which made him realize three things. 

One, he had apparently taken off his clothes the night before, and was now naked. 

Two, he had morning wood. 

And three, he was naked. Naked in front of Gustav's ENTIRE FAMILY. 

He sucked in a breath, then covered his cock quickly, his face a deep red.

Gustav had come in for more coffee, and to check on his mother, and was now leaning against the counter, next to his sister and, erm, body-builder in law. He looked up when Georg came in, saw it all, and could only grin, ear to ear.

His grandfather looked over his shoulder, laughed, and went back out to the porch with Gustav's father, who was ALSO red-faced.

Gustav set down his cup, cuffed his sister lightly on the shoulder and moved over to Georg, giving him his robe – but not before saying with great, GREAT satisfaction, "I wake up to this every day; isn't he freaking GORGEOUS?"

Nothing at this point would faze Ana, and she had to nod. "He is, indeed. And very, erm, well-endowed, you lucky boys."

"I know, right? And it’s all mine, mine, mine." He tilted Georg's red face up to his, and kissed him. "Good morning baby."

Georg looked miserable and buried his face in Gustav's neck, hiding. "Morning," he murmured, trying to will his cock to go down and for all of this to just be a terrible, terrible nightmare. 

It wasn't so terrible, though – he WAS snuggling Gustav, after all. 

Finally, when his face wasn't red anymore, he lifted his head and kissed Gustav's lips. "Morning."

He gave him a little smile, wrapping the robe around himself and snuggling more.

Gustav cuddled him and kissed the top of his head, running his fingers through Georg's short hair – and again, who would ever imagine he could do THAT? 

Stroking Georg’s hair reminded him of something he needed to do. "Baby, it’s okay; nothing like a little penis envy for Christmas."

He reached for a clean cup and poured Georg some coffee. "Here, love. Do you think you'll be okay for a little bit?"

Georg nodded. "I guess," he said softly. "Why?"

He eyed him curiously, but accepted the coffee gratefully. "Mmmh, thanks."

"Got something to do, real quick. You're clothed, have coffee, there are cigarettes in the pocket, so you could go hang outside on the porch while breakfast cooks, and I'll be right back, okay?"

He kissed Georg's nose, then corralled his sister and took her upstairs, telling her what he wanted to do.

"Pink? Seriously? You?"

Gigi cracked up laughing and Gustav rolled his eyes. "Yes, pink, and it grabs the blonde like a mofo, so make sure all my hair is covered, okay? Fucking curls, seriously."

She was still giggling as he pulled off his t-shirt and she mixed up the dye. "I like your hair longer, babe," she said. "Makes you look innocent."

"Except I'm not innocent at all, and it drives me fucking insane."

"No, but you LOOK it. And did Geo really cut his hair off for you?"

"Ugh, and yes, he did. I love his neck and missed kissing it, made some offhand comment about it one night and a week later, he comes home with this and says "Merry Christmas." I think he was worried he'd be less hot, but…"

"Oh God, he is so not. He's gorgeous, Gusti."

"I know, right?"

She applied the dye expertly – she should be an expert, thought Gustav, since her own hair was currently a pale blue. It looked good on her, and he told her so. Giselle was pretty no matter what, and he told her that, too – he loved his sister a whole lot, and made sure to tell her that, last.

She smiled at him, and then, when they were done, she sat down on the tub edge. "Is Gerard gonna be okay, Gusti?"

She sounded sad. "I can't believe what he did. I feel like I don't know him at all, and it scares me."

Gustav sighed and reached for her hands, holding them both. "I hope he will be, G. I can't believe it either, and I want to help him. And I will, in whatever way I can. I'm pissed at him, but I love him ‘cause he's my baby brother. And I have hope that he can be okay."

She nodded. "Promise you'll help him?"

"I promise, honey. I will."

Ten minutes later, she rinsed his head, then laughed more. "Oh my God. And Geo LIKES this?"

"Oddly, he does. Damn, the shit you do for love."

"I know, right?"

She dried his hair – it was BOUNCY, God help him – and then they went back downstairs. Gustav held up a hand to forestall any smart comments, and then slid his arms around Georg from behind out on the porch.

His Opa was staring.

Georg was smoking and smiled when Gustav was back, leaning against him without turning his head. "Mmmh. You smell good. Did you shower? Not that you smelled bad before, but you know what I mean."

“Do I? Nah, didn't shower yet, but thank you. I live to smell good for you." He smirked at his Opa, who then facepalmed and snorted into his coffee. Honestly, there was nothing about Gustav that didn't amuse him at one time or the other.

Georg sighed happily and closed his eyes. When he opened them, he saw Opa looking… well, stunned. He frowned. "What?"

Then he turned around and almost dropped his cigarette. 

"DUDE!"


	24. Cotton Candy And Flashbacks

"DUDE," Gustav shrieked in return when Georg nearly burned a hole in his pj bottoms. "Watch out!"

"You're pink!" Georg exclaimed, looking confused. When had THAT happened?

"You're pink and fluffy, and… dude, you look like cotton candy!"

He stared at him for another moment, then grinned widely. He put out his cigarette and put down his coffee, then slid his hands into Gustav's cotton candy hair and grinned.

Gustav groaned, and the rest of the family, freed from their moments of silence, started laughing.

"Cotton candy? Oh God."

Gustav sighed, and wrapped his arms around Georg. "This is what I was doing while you didn't know I was gone," he said with a little smile, which widened when he saw Georg's smile. "Merry Hairy Christmas, baby. And don't remind me of the fluff – beware the sister with blow dryer."

Georg sighed happily. "I totally did notice you were gone," he said, ruffling Gustav's hair and sighing happily. "God, you look so CUTE! I can't get over it. I just want to lick you all over."

"Baby, I totally WANT you to lick me all over," started Gustav, causing his grandfather to make a speedy exit, lest the licking commence immediately.

"Hey, you do realize that when we do that whole Snoopy pajamas photoshoot – that you didn't tell me about, by the way – you're going to have pink hair on it, right?" Georg beamed and kissed his lips, then snuggled into him.

He kissed Georg back, tasting coffee, which reminded him that he needed more of that, stat, and then sighed. "I am aware," he said, leaning his fluffy pink head on Georg's shoulder. "I figure it will be a real conversation starter on our street."

Georg grinned. "I'm looking forward to the captain's face when he sees you, to be honest. He's gonna die."

He snickered and smooched his lips. "Patty, however, will love it, and… oh, do you think she'll kill me for cutting off MY hair?"

Gustav grinned evilly. "I know. Poor Reg; between us and Patty, he's gonna have to retire early. But… hmmm. She might cry a little over your lost hair, but then, mere seconds later, she will be patting and rubbing you extensively. She will miss braiding it, though."

He stroked said hair, then sighed. "God, I want you. I've been freaking out, emotional as hell, calm, and dyed pink, and now I really just want to take you back upstairs and turn my childhood bed into a man-bed. Do you think anyone would mind?"

"Probably not," Georg said with a smile. "And I'd like that very much."

He nuzzled him and stroked his back, then kissed his lips and closed his eyes. 

Or they could just stay right there…

Gustav could read Georg's mind, and smirked. "It might be too cold and your taut little ass might get frostbitten, or else I would so have laid you down out here already."

He looked down at his robe, which Georg was tenting – again – and smiled. "Baby, I don't think we have any time to waste, do you?"

Georg laughed. "Yeah, it’s probably a better idea to go upstairs."

He kissed his lips. "Let's go then. And lock the door because your sister and Kati are looking like they want to watch."

"We do," said Kati, nodding – she apparently had supersonic hearing, in addition to overactive growth genes. "Two pretty boys making love? What is not to want to watch?"

Gigi nodded, and Gustav, once inside, sighed. "I know. And we're hot as all hell, but this is reconnecting sex, not hot sweaty pig sex. When we have THAT, you can watch. Right now, I just need my boy and he needs me. Okay?"

Kati sighed, and petted Gig comfortingly. "Another day, my pet."

Gustav took Georg's hand. "Oma, save me some ham and eggs, okay? And some for Geo. Thanks!"

Georg grinned and followed him upstairs, running. When he was in their room, he flopped down on the bed, making the robe open and bare it all. He looked up at Gustav when he came in, and grinned. 

God… pink.

"Very pink, I know." Gustav was a mind reader, in addition to all his other mad skills. He disrobed and looked down at Georg appreciatively. "My beautiful boy. My beautiful NAKED boy, who gets up at half one to tape my window up, who lets me cry on him and cuddles me, and who wanders into the family kitchen naked, with wood."

He grinned. "How much do I love you Georg Moritz Hagen Listing? Huh? How much?"

Georg looked at him and smiled. "I told you I'd fix the window. Besides, we're gonna listen to that Christmas Mix again on our way home. I couldn't let the snow ruin that."

He smiled and slid the robe off entirely as well, stretching. "A lot?" he asked then. "I love you more, though."

He wiggled his brows, then leaned back against the pillows and looked at his pink-haired fiancé.

"You did, yeah, but I didn't know you were gonna do it in the middle of the night, baby. Thank you. And hell no, not the mix!"

Gustav smiled and shook his head. "You love me a lot, though. Not more than me, but a lot. You'd have to, to put up with all this."

He got naked, then onto the bed with Georg. "So… pink."

Georg smiled. "Well, I had to stay with you until you were asleep, and if I'd waited till this morning, the whole car would've been full of snow. Also, you're insane cause I SO love you more."

He gave him a smile, then wrapped his arms around him and looked up at him lovingly.

"Thank you for that." Gustav's expression had turned serious. "Last night was the most wonderful and one of the worst of my life, simultaneously. I proposed to the boy I love, he said yes – which made it the most wonderful – and then other stuff happened. So, still maybe not as bad as the night before rehab, but almost."

He traced a fingertip around Georg's nipple. "I hope this is the worst of it, because I don't want our lives to always be full of drama. Work drama sure, but family drama, not so much. But he – my brother – has always been a problem. I laughed off a lot of the weird shit he did cause, well, we're all a little odd – you might have noticed."

He had to smile. "My family loves you though; they can see how amazing and smart and loving and beautiful you are, how happy you make me. They can see how lucky I am to have found you. Cause honestly, Geo, if it hadn't been you I fell in love with, I don't think I would ever have really loved anyone. From the first moment I saw you, I wanted you, and then that second day when the CPR dummy blew up and you laughed your ass off? I fell in love with you on the spot. Never looked back."

Georg smiled, then had to laugh – yes, _that_ laugh. "You fell in love with me because I'm silly and crack up for the smallest things that aren't even all that funny?"

He grinned, sliding his arms around him. "I still can't believe you’ve been in love with me for that long. You should've told me earlier. Who knows? Maybe it would've worked out then… or it could've been the other way around, and it would've fucked us up completely. I don't know. It's hard to say. Anyway… at least we have each other now, since I stopped being oblivious and blind and stuff, and I'm not going to ever let you go again. You're mine for life, baby."

He smiled and kissed his nose.

"Hey, that class WAS funny; someone had obviously used and abused the dummy and when the trainer was pounding on her chest and she exploded from the crotch? I thought you were gonna pee yourself."

 

_It was the first day of police academy and Gustav was actually a little nervous – and he was never nervous. He looked around the room, scanning for someone who looked like they might be a little nervous too, or, barring that, might have a sense of humor. One could only hope._

_It wasn't looking good till he saw a guy sitting at the far right end of the second row; he looked about Gustav's age, and had shortish, curly hair that he kept pushing behind his ear – to no avail. Those curls had a mind of their own._

_He made his way over to the boy and cleared his throat. "Uh, hi – is this seat taken?"_

_The boy looked up and Gustav found himself staring into golden-green eyes. Hazel didn't do them justice – they were beautiful, cat's eyes._

_"Sure – I mean, no, sit down. Not taken."_

_The boy's voice was soft and deep, and the voice came from soft-looking lips, full, pouty and pink, and…_

_"I'm Georg Listing," the voice was saying, and a hand was extended. Gustav blinked and sat, then shook his hand._

_"Gustav Schäfer."_

_And I'm 18 going on 90, I eat pudding for breakfast, am not adverse to pedicures and when I helped my sister hem her prom dress, I kind of liked wearing it. Also, I love you._

_Thank God he hadn't said any of THAT aloud._

_The boy had smiled at him, then. "Nice to meet you, Gustav."_

_And just like that, he'd liked this boy more than anyone else he'd ever met._

_"Today, class, we're concentrating on CPR," started the instructor, and Gustav, already bored, sighed and stretched. It was the third day of classes, and he and Georg had already formed a fast friendship, based on beer, nachos, and Monty Python's Flying Circus. Also, Gustav was pretty sure Georg was gay. He hoped like hell he was, anyway._

_"Ugh, I learned this last year in lifeguard training." Gustav sighed and scratched his nose, while beside him, Georg was drumming his fingers on his leg, a sure sign that a smoke break could not come soon enough for him._

_"You were a lifeguard?" Georg looked sideways at him, no doubt trying to imagine Gustav in swim trunks._

_"No, I was the lifeguard station. The buff guy sat atop me. Sadly, no reverse cowgirl and he was a dick."_

_Georg snorted and tucked that same curl behind his ear again; Gustav fought the urge to smooth it for him._

_The demonstration wore on, while they both did other things; Gustav counted to 100 in pig latin, and Georg did some complicated hand signs._

_"Gang?"_

_"No, possible wanking positions. Do you think this would be too much of a tug or…"_

_Now it was Gustav's turn to snort – then imagine GEORG wanking. Damn. He shifted in his chair._

_The instructor, sensing he was losing the class, brought out a buxom female dummy, and showed them how to compress a female chest – a big female chest. And as he pumped and exhaled, the dummy arched up, expelled some air, and a small projectile emerged from her crotch._

_It was later identified as a "Trojan Finger Puppet," but what was important to Gustav was how Georg laughed. He had literally stared, then roared, throwing his head back and slapping his thigh._

_Gustav stared at him, and in that moment, he was in love. That laugh had done him in, and he was a goner._

_And all these years later, it still made him tingle and feel this enormous, amazing surge of love for his boy, every single time._

 

"I think I told you when it was time," he said finally, all this thought having taken a moment. "Earlier, and you might not have been ready, and as it was, it was crazy hard making you fall in love with me, too. And now I have you, and better fucking believe it, that you're mine. I mean, look at this," he sighed, fluffing his hair. "I look like Cupid. All I need is a diaper and bow."

"It was!" Georg laughed. "It was the best class ever. I met you, didn't I?"

"You did, and look at you now."

So Gustav did just that for a long moment, kissing the tips of Georg's fingers. 

"I don't know why it took you so long, because God knows, I'm a fucking catch, but you caught on and gained yourself a certifiable, pink-haired boyfriend who nevertheless, loves you more than anything in the world."

Gustav leaned over and kissed Georg slowly, stroking the side of his head – relishing the fuzzy THERE too – and pressing himself against Georg's body.

Georg sighed. "I guess I'm just slow, when it comes to certain things."

He grinned and touched Gustav's cheek. "I still don't know why it took me so long to realise it… I guess I'm just as clueless as everyone says. But I did find you cute right away. And hot. I guess I just… kept my "deeper" feelings hidden for a long time… even from myself."

He shook his head, smiled and kissed Gustav's lips, touching that pink hair again and shaking his head. "You're perfect. You know that, right? And I adore you like whoa."

He grinned and stroked Gustav's bare ass when he was kissed and stroked, and his cock had apparently recovered from the shock of being bare and UP in front of Gustav's entire family, and was slowly coming to life again, poking Gustav's belly.

When the kiss broke, Gustav was a little bit breathless, but grinned and reached down. "Well, hello there, you exhibitionist, you. Honestly, Geo, seeing you all naked, sleepy and clueless this morning? It made my freaking day."

Georg groaned and rolled his eyes. "God, I'm so embarrassed, dude! I mean, obviously they were all very nice about it, but it was still embarrassing."

He stroked Georg's cock slowly, bringing it to full hardness, then bent his pink head to suck and lick Georg's very sensitive nipples.

He kissed his lips and closed his eyes when he was stroked and licked. "Mmmmmmmhhh…"

Gustav's lips moved south, slowly, and soon the noises Georg was making were deeper, louder, more guttural than usual, and since Gustav's room was right above the eat-in kitchen… and because Gigi had taken the opportunity while her brother was rinsing his hair to open the slats on the heating vent… all was heard.

All.

Including many exclamations starting or ending with "Oh my fucking GOD," and "Hagen, you magnificent bastard!" and once, inexplicably, a lyric of "Kumbayah."

Gigi and Kati listened avidly, Opa tried hard to not laugh and looked down at his eggs, while Jack mixed more Bloody Marys all around and Ana just looked up. "Well, Jack, we always encouraged him to keep active…"  
Oma looked up at the ceiling and grinned. "Good boys. I brought them together, you know? And God, if one of those two was a woman, they would have at least five babies already."

She paused. "If that was biologically possible."

“Gustav would be so CUTE pregnant, wouldn't he? He already is used to having the belly, and he'd be such a mommy." 

Gigi grinned, just as "Oh, oh, OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" was heard by all. Literally all, as dogs everywhere started barking and jumping at their leashes, recognizing the sound of pure animal orgasm.

Kati looked up. "That sounded satisfying."

"That sounded _painful_ ,” said Opa, helping himself to more eggs. "But pleasure and pain is a winning combination, no?"

"Opa, you pervert." Gigi snickered, then poured more coffee before looking up and yelling, "Was it good?"

A pause.

"It was fucking AWESOME, thankyouverymuch!"

Nothing was sacred at the old homestead, thought Gustav, leaning over Georg's prone body and seeing the open vent. Bloody sister.

Since the jig was up, as it were, he called down. "Did you save us any food? I'm ravenous! Geo, you could eat, right? If you can't walk, I can bring you a tray…"

Georg was panting and looked up at him with a grin. "I think I'll be fine to go downstairs in about five minutes. I should also take a quick shower ‘cause that was hot and now I'm sweaty."

He stretched and sighed happily, keeping his legs wrapped around Gustav's waist. "I don't think I want to move, though."

The grin was worth everything that had happened, thought Gustav, smiling back down at him. So things were screwed family-wise… or not. His family was fine – it was just his brother that was a problem. He should be being transported to Hamburg as they lay there, panting.

"We can both shower – I think I might have to wear a shower CAP, God help me – and then we can go eat. In a moment, though – no hurry."

He stroked Georg's hair, since he was happily trapped, and looked down at him. "Patty will have a follicular meltdown when she sees us."

"Awww, she will! But she'll recover and then she might even show up with my haircut and your hair COLOUR the next day. Can you see Reggie's face?"

Gustav's eyes opened wide and then he guffawed, literally shaking the floor beneath him. He laughed for five minutes, imagining Patty, and then their Captain, and oh God, his sides hurt when he finally calmed down and made his way into the bathroom. They tried not to touch each other so soon again, but still ended up in a heated make out session under the spray.

 

The shower cap made Georg snort again, but that didn't stop them from kissing and touching under the warm water; thank God for relative youth, thought Gustav as he hardened again. He was gonna be ravishing Georg for the rest of his life, but relished that he could still go so many times without flagging. So to speak.


	25. Romeorg And Juliav

Half an hour rather than ten minutes later, they were finally dried, dressed, downstairs and breakfasting. Everyone was eyeing them and Georg groaned inwardly; they'd all seen him naked AND heard him have sex with Gustav. Any other family would think he was some pervert, but the Schäfers just seemed happy for them.

Gustav was relatively quiet during breakfast, even though his sister was peppering him with questions about boysex; he finally threatened her with a bottle of syrup that he was completely prepared to squirt on her, and told her he'd draw up a document, with some pictures just for good measure. That shut her up – briefly.

"That hair," said Opa finally. "Why? Not that pink isn't pretty, but…"

"Ask Georg," replied Gustav, stealing Gigi's bacon; he was a growing boy. "I did it for him."

His phone went off just as Georg opened his mouth, and Gustav excused himself to go answer it – it was Patty, wanting to know what the fuck had happened, and why his brother was currently being booked for murder. He suspected she already knew everything, but told her that he'd give her the full scoop tomorrow.

Then, because it was Patty, he told her that he and Geo had Big News and that Georg had chopped off all his hair. He figured that would give her something to chew on.

Georg smiled. "Well, on vacation, Gustav randomly dyed a few streaks of his hair pink and I really liked it for some reason, so… now it's all pink. I still can't believe he actually did that."

He grinned and ate some more. 

"Ah, well, Gustav is certainly random," agreed Ana. "And he's always looked pretty in soft colors, so…"

Gustav had just come back to the table, phone in hand. "I told Patty you cut your hair, then left her to her grief," he advised Georg. "They say the Wailing Wall is in Jerusalem, but I think she might have just erected her own version in the Plaza."

Then his phone rang again, just as Ana poured more coffee; Gustav gave everyone a hand sign and left the room. 

"So Georg, love, what about your family? I just realized I know nothing about them."

“My family?" Georg asked, smiling. "Well, there's not much to say, to be honest. We're pretty normal. My dad used to be a dentist, my mum used to be a secretary – now they're both retired and live in the Caribbean. They had me when they were in their late thirties, so that's why they're already retired."

He smiled. 

"Ah, so you were a late in life child, no? All the more treasured, then." Ana beamed at him, then sighed. "The Caribbean sounds lovely, to be honest. Snow is pretty, but I wouldn't mind being somewhere warm in the winter."

"Yes, definitely," Georg smiled. "They'd been trying for ages, so they were really glad when they finally had me, and... their house is huge; the one in the Caribbean, so maybe, when Gustav and I get married, we can all fly there and spend a few days together? You could meet them, get to know them, and stuff."

He smiled, then ran a hand through his hair. 

"Oh, I can imagine," nodded Ana. "Gustav took us, what, two years to have, Jack? Then his brother and sister came right on his heels; I guess he was supposed to be the leader."

Her voice faltered for a moment, and Jack picked up her hand and kissed it. "He's safe, Ana – already in Hamburg, and we'll sort this out with Gerard. No one will be working today, we can't do anything, so he's fine where he is, physically, at least, and tomorrow, we'll worry. Please."

She nodded and made herself smile again, the smile becoming real as she refocused on Georg. "They picked a lovely place to retire TO."

Georg nodded. "Gustav was always meant to be a leader, yeah," he said with a grin. "And I know, right?"

He nodded, sighing happily.

Meanwhile, Gustav couldn't help smiling; it was Bill. "Billi! Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas to you!" Bill smiled. "You sound much better than last time, Gusti. Is everything all right again? Did you ask him? Did he say yes?"

Gustav was beaming into the phone. "Yeah, things are all right, things are great – I asked him, he foolishly said yes, and yeah… something not so great happened last night, but it’s being sorted as we speak, so we're here at my parents’, the grandparents are all here, we're eating, gonna open some presents soon, I guess – and you? Did Tom come home in time?"

Bill grinned. "GREAT! See? I told you! I'm so happy for you dude, honestly! And yeah, Tomi's here, we had a great time, and… yeah. We were actually thinking we could all meet up in the next few days. Have dinner, a few drinks, talk…"

Gustav was leaning against the doorway and mouthed "It's Bill," to Georg, who probably had figured that out, then looked back at the phone. "That sounds good," he said, thinking, then, "Tom IS over Georg, right? Like you and I, it’s all gonna be fine, right? Tell me it will be. Also, Geo looks gorgeous, just like you, so Tom better step it up. Even *I* have pink locks at the moment, so…"

Bill choked on his drink. "Wait, you have pink locks? Okay, I've GOT to see this. And yes, Tom is over Georg, it's just like you and me, don't worry. So… how about the day after tomorrow? Do you have time or do you need to work?"

Gustav laughed, hearing Bill. "You okay there? And yes, I do, so you probably do need to see this. Let me check with the ball and chain, okay?"

Bill grinned. "Yeah, I'm okay.”

Gustav smiled at Georg. "Hey, Ball and Chain – Bill wants you and me and him and Tom to have dinner the day after tomorrow. That leaves tomorrow for… stuff, and then we could meet them no problem, right? Also, Bill says Tom is over you, but I'm gonna make him swear on a stack of MAC lip glosses before we go."

Georg raised a brow. "Bell and Chain? Okay then. And sure, that sounds great! I'd love to see them both again.”

Gustav sighed. "Yes, Ball and Chain. And okay, so great, Bill, wherever you want to meet – just let me know, kay? Cause that would be great."

Bill nodded. "Sure, love. I'll send you a text and we'll meet up. I can't wait."

He smiled. "I'm so happy for you, seriously. You and Georg will be married forever and ever – I just know it. You're like Romeo and Juliet."

He paused. "Romeorg and Juliav."

It was hard to not absorb some of Bill's surety, and Gustav smiled. "Thanks, Billi – we're looking forward to it. And hey, Romeorg and Juliav died, dude. But I appreciate the sentiment."

He made a smoochy sound into the phone and hung up, looking at his amused family. "My ex-boyfriend and his twin, Georg's ex-boyfriend, want to have dinner on the 27th. And drinks. I'm tying Tom up, too, and not in a sexy way."

Gigi stared. "You were dating twins? DUDE!"

Georg snorted. "I don't think you need to tie Tom up, baby. I'm not gonna let him close to me. You're my fiancé now."

He pulled him onto his lap and kissed the back of his neck. "So I'm Romeo? Good to know."

"Yep," said Gustav, flopping onto Georg and nuzzling his little poufy waves. He snuffled like a pig searching for truffles for a moment, then raised his head. "Identical twins, at that; shoplifters, petty criminals. But you could tell them apart – Bill had big lion hair, and a brow piercing, and Tom had a lip piercing and cornrows. Then not, then something in between, then 'rows again, I think. And Bill is now blonde, not black-haired but still gorgeous – I saw him a few days ago. And baby, it’s TOM. I'm locking him down."

He snuggled, then sighed. "Yes. I'm the girl again."

Georg grinned. "Okay, if you say so."

He kissed the back of his neck and hugged him, sighing happily. 

"So!" said Oma after a while. "I guess it's time for the pictures, isn't it?"

"Yes! Pictures, then presents!" Gigi bounced and Kati rolled her eyes. "I will have to bow out of the pictures," she said sadly. "There is nothing big enough in pajama wear to fit me."

"Nonsense," said Gustav, suddenly cheered. "I have a Snoopy tshirt that still fits me - I'll wear my bottoms, you can wear my top and Georg should just go bare-chested and sit in front."

This was met with approval from Gigi, Kati, Oma, and Ana, while Opa snorted and Jack poured a fresh drink.

Georg groaned. "Don't objectify me, dudes!"

Several minutes later they were all – more or less – attired, with Jack setting up the camera.

"Oh you with the pink hair and pjs!" Gigi grinned at Gustav, who rolled his eyes.

He grinned, but in the end, he got to wear Snoopy PJs after all – thank God. He didn't mind being naked, but not on pictures. Unless they were private pictures, just for Gustav. 

He rubbed the back of his neck, then laughed. "God, Gustav, you look so freaking adorable. Come here."

He dipped him and kissed him, ruffling that bright pink hair.

"That's the spirit, boy," said Opa approvingly. "Gustav, stop objectifying your young man."

Gustav laughed, and when Georg was in his pjs, Gustav nearly melted. Cute and HOT should not coexist so comfortably together.

That Georg thought HE was adorable was a plus and he made his way over to Georg on command, grinning when he was dipped and kissed. "I do paint a picture, no?"

“Definitely," Georg murmured, giving him a smile. "So… is this all, or are we also wearing Santa hats, or…?"

He smiled and stood up again, keeping his arms around Gustav.

"No, thank heavens – the pink hair will be enough color in this picture. It's pretty festive, right?"

Ana positioned them all with the air of a cruise director, and when she was right in front of him, he could see the dark shadows under her eyes that she'd tried to hide with makeup.

Impulsively, he hugged her tight. "I'll take care of him, Mum, I promise. I won't let him just fall into the cracks, okay? I will make this better."

She sniffled, and touched his cheek. "I know you will, darling. Thank you."

She finished posing them, then the timer started snapping pictures, leading into more individual ones of all couples and family, but the one Gustav loved most was Georg being smooched by all four women. Chastely, of course.

Well, mostly. He kept a close eye on his sister, just in case she switched teams on him mid-holiday. Again.

The picture of Georg with all the girls wasn't quite as chaste as Gustav thought – one of them had had her hand on his ass, and Georg wasn't sure which one. He also wasn't sure he wanted to find out. 

 

The one of them, though, just the two of them together, was the one that everyone ooohed and ahhed over. Cause they were in love. It was obvious, transcended the cameras and the picture was amazing; even Gustav, who hated having his photo taken – and who was wearing a gorilla mask in his official ID photo – had to admit, they were pretty together.

Georg loved the picture of him and Gustav as well, and knew that he would keep it and hang it up in their flat. He didn't want to ever forget the greatest Christmas in his life; the one where his boyfriend had become his fiancé and made him the happiest man on earth.

Jack promised to make many prints for all, and then it was time to open presents.

Gustav had given Georg wise advice, and all his presents were very well received, and the ones they got were all suitable – for a change – and thoughtful.

It was weird, not having Gerard there, and Gustav noticed that all his presents had been removed to some other location. Somehow, he didn't think he'd be opening them this year.

He worked hard to keep his mum laughing, being silly, and telling outrageous, partially-made-up stories about work and the people in the office… and it worked for as long as it had to.

Georg watched Gustav and could see what he was doing; trying to cheer his mother up, help her through what had to be a really difficult time for her. This whole situation would have been bad at any time of the year, but at the holidays, it had to be worse.

He had to smile, and it made him fall even more in love with Gustav. He'd always known he was a kind, caring person who put others' needs before his own, but this was another example of just HOW good he was.

***

The ride home hadn't taken that long, probably since Georg was driving and his mind had wandered. He needed to take his baby to the shop tomorrow, replace the window. Georg had done a great job taping heavy plastic on it though, and Gustav wouldn’t forget that Georg had gone and done that in the middle of the night, in the bitter cold, to make sure his baby was okay.

Josie was heavy against his side, and he couldn't help replaying how his brother had held her on their grandfather, then on _him_ , Gustav, and how he had actually squeezed the trigger.

He'd promised his mother and sister he would do what he could, but he knew in his heart that he would never forgive his brother for what he’d done. The death was a terrible thing, and God would deal with that – but he had tried to hurt his family. Who loved him, who excused his fuckups, who humored him. Yet he would have killed him, their Opa, and over what?

He was silent the whole drive home, and Georg didn't push it.

When they arrived at home – still in their Snoopy PJs, cause changing seemed redundant if they were going home to bed – Georg wrapped his arms around Gustav and just kissed him for a long moment. The kiss wasn't sexual or seductive – just loving and gentle. 

"I love you," he whispered when it broke. "And this was the best Christmas ever."

He wrapped his arms around Georg too, and kissed him back, slow, gentle. "I love you too, and… it was, both the best and scariest too."

Georg nodded. "I know… I keep thinking about the good parts because they make me so happy, but it was definitely scary too." 

He would never forget seeing that gun trained on Gustav; it should have gone off. In any other situation, Gustav would have been dead, and if that had happened… well, there would have been two deceased Schäfer boys that night, cause Georg would have killed Gerard, then waited to be taken back to Hamburg himself.

He shuddered a little, then kissed his nose and smiled down at him. "I can't wait to be married to you, Gustav Schäfer. I love you and I love your family, and all of this – you and me? We're meant to be."

He smiled as he leaned in to kiss him again, ending a perfect Christmas with a perfect kiss.


	26. Sexy Showers and Dumbo Ears

They had spent a quiet Christmas night at home, still in the Snoopy pjs – they'd snacked on this and that, had a couple glasses of wine, and gone to bed to cuddle. Gustav had been hard-pressed to get his brother off his mind, and had been reduced to pulling out some of the concentration techniques he'd used to kick coke. God, that seemed like a long time ago now.

The moonlight glinted off Georg's ring and Gustav smiled as he watched Georg sleep, finally sleeping himself.

The next morning, he woke early, as he always did on work days – his body knew, somehow, and he got up quietly, showered – startled by the pink hair he'd forgotten about – and dressed. He knew Patty wanted details, of, well, everything, and he had promised to look in on his brother.

He made French toast and sausage, brewed coffee, and waited for Georg to wake up. 

Georg rolled over in the morning and whined when Gustav wasn't beside him. He buried his face in the pillow for a moment, then finally rolled out of bed and zombie-walked into the kitchen. He flopped down on a chair and looked at Gustav through half-lidded eyes and his even-puffier-in-the-morning hair. 

"Mmmmng."

Gustav looked up from the paper he'd stolen from their neighbor; guy needed to be a little faster to his door, yo.

"It's ALIVE," he rumbled, then grinned. "You're a beauty, baby. Coffee?"

Without waiting for an answer, he poured his boy some coffee, adding a teaspoon of sugar and stirring it before handing it to Georg. He propped his chin on his hand. "How'd you sleep, Princess?"

Georg just nodded and sipped some coffee, sighing happily. Another sip finally woke him up and he smiled. "I slept better than ever. You're up early… and when did we start getting newspapers? Hmmm…"

He rubbed the back of his neck and sipped more coffee.

"You were out, true,” agreed Gustav, then smiled and handed Georg the metro section. "We started getting the paper when I started stealing it from the guy next door. He sleeps late."

He rattled the paper and sighed. "Dear Abby needs to get a new gig – she's getting jaded in her old age. Also, have a sausage."

Georg snorted. "You bad cop, you… do I need to arrest you?"

Gustav wiggled a brow. "You can try, officer," he purred. "I have my own handcuffs – fur lined, even."

He smiled sweetly back at Georg, thinking that that might be the best possible start to this long assed day coming up.

Georg wiggled his eyebrows, then leaned over the table and planted a kiss on Gustav's lips. "Hi."

He smiled. "So, what's the plan for today, lover boy?"

He kissed Georg back, messing up his fringe. "God, you are so cute," he sighed happily, stroking. "Hi. And the plan is… I want to go back to bed with you and stay there till New Year’s, but…"

He sighed. "Gotta go to the station, brief Patty, probably have a wee sit down with the captain – who wants, and will never get, our nog recipe – and then I suppose I need to check in with brother. I'm so looking forward to it all."

The sarcasm was thick on his tongue.

Georg looked at him and touched his cheek. "I'll go with you. First of all, Patty needs to see my new hair, and then I need to be there for you."

He kissed his lips and smiled. "I love you. And really? Furry handcuffs?"

Gustav smiled up at him. "I love you too, and yes, really."

"Pink," Georg murmured, touching his hair.

"You don't have to babysit me, Geo," Gustav said softly, then rolled his eyes. "Very pink. And, I noted this morning, more than a little mullet-y, which you could have told me. You could have said, "Hey, Chubs, you look like a Canadian hockey player, did you know that?"

He sighed. "Oh well – so I'm an object of ridicule – big deal. You, however, look beyond beautiful, and everyone will once again be jealous of the pink-mulleted one because he has such a gorgeous boy as his own."

Georg smiled. "Because I kind of like the mullet, as shocking as it sounds. And I would never call you Chubs! And I know I don't have to babysit you; I'm just trying to be a good boyfriend and be there for you when you need me."

He smiled. "Do we have time for a sexy shower?"

Gustav sighed and tugged Georg down on his lap, wrapping his arms around him. "You are the best boyfriend – and now, fiancé – that I could ever, ever ask for. I love that you love me enough to want to support me during all this. It's hard; I had to reach deep to relax last night, thinking about my brother. But I love you, and nothing he has done takes even a little bit away from how much I love you and want you."

He took a breath, then kissed Georg's ear. "We do have time for a sexy shower, sure."

"Oh right!" Georg beamed. "I'm not a boyfriend anymore. I got promoted to fiancé." He grinned. "Excellent."

He touched his cheek. "I know, baby. I love you too, and… Well, I just want you to know that I'm always here for you, in good times and bad times."

He gave him a little smile and kissed Gustav's nose.

"Yeah, remember the moment in the snow? The nice one before I almost got shot in the chest with my own gun, by my own brother, who now hates me? There was a little sweet part there too."

He nestled against Georg and stood up, sliding him off his lap. "I'll go turn on the shower, if you want to grab some towels out of the dryer."

Georg smiled. "I remember. I will never forget that moment when you got all sweet and I started sobbing pathetically."

He grinned, then stood up as well. "Sure! Meet you in the bathroom in a minute."

Gustav rubbed his face – he was going to start his marriage in deep therapy – well, DEEPER therapy. He made a note to call his therapist next week and plan to be there in her office for the rest of his life.

He went in, took off the pj bottoms, and started the shower, stepping in first and soaking himself and his pink mullet. That Georg actually LIKED.

He was marrying a weird, weird boy.

Georg came in a moment later, naked, a stack of towels in his arms. He tossed them onto the (closed) toilet and got into the shower as well, sighing happily as he wrapped his arms around Gustav and nuzzled him. "Have I mentioned that I love you? And I LOVE your hair when it's wet, dude. The color is even more intense like this. Also, your little curls make me swoon."

Gustav leaned against Georg, feeling those comforting arms wrap around him. "You have mentioned the first one, yes, but you can always mention it again. And again. As for the second…"

He had to grin. "I should go around with terminal wet-head, except that I'd catch pneumonia immediately. And so I'm not the only one with a curl fetish, hmmm?"

Georg's longer front hair was curling in the steam, and Gustav patted it happily. "Have I mentioned that I love seeing ALL of your face? And that your ears are cute?"

Georg smiled. "And I will mention it a lot. And nope, you're not the only one with a curl fetish. I adore your curls; they're so much softer and fluffier than mine."

"You have," he said then, then groaned. "Oh god, seriously? My ears?"

He reached up and touched them, wrinkling his nose.

"I am fluffier, I will give you that, but your curls are all springy and thick, like you could bounce along on just them. Also, I like your ears."

He kissed both ears and eskimo-kissed his fiancé's nose. "They're like little elf ears!"

Georg snorted, but smiled at the ear-kisses. "Dude, they're not elf ears. They're Dumbo ears!"

"You're my baby elephant, then, complete with a diaper and bonnet."

The mental image cracked him up, though and he began to giggle and got a mouthful of water. He spit, then snorted and began to wash Georg's hair – he hadn't gotten to do that since he cut it, and though it should really have taken very little time, Gustav made sure it took a while. 

Thank God for big water heaters.

Georg grinned. "You're a dork. I think I would look dashing in a diaper and bonnet."

"You would, you would."

Georg snickered – he couldn't not laugh when Gustav cracked up. Then he closed his eyes and just sighed happily when his hair was washed.

Gustav finished washing, and then obediently let Georg wash his hair too. God, SO pink. He wondered how many times today he'd be suddenly reminded of that fact.

Boy, the things you did for love.

They got up to a little nonsense in the shower, both coming and then body-washing it off, and finally, Gustav figured they needed to be productive, dammit.

He dried, dressed, then surveyed his hair, and dug out Georg's blow-dryer. Good Lord.

He realized he had no idea what he was doing.

Georg was drying off, and raised a brow as he watched Gustav eye the blow-dryer from all sides and angles. 

He laughed, and poked him. "You okay there? Having problems?"

He smiled and took the blow-dryer from him. "Let me do that for you, baby."

Gustav groaned, then shook his head. "I have no idea what to do," he sighed. "I've never used one of these in my life, honest to God. So yes, do whatever you have to do to make me sort of pretty, and Pattysentable."

God, Patty was gonna have a follicular breakdown over the chop and the pink. The Pink was an entity on its own.

He stood docilely and let Georg do his magic.

Georg made sure the hair was dry, making Gustav's curls come out, look extra pretty and extra pink. When he was done, he turned it off and wrapped his arms around him, smooching his cheek. 

"There. Now you're good to go. And be Pattyfied."

He grinned.

Gustav sighed. "I have passed gay, and am well into SO gay, with the next stop being "OMG you did NOT just go there!"

He looked himself over – he looked good, if he was auditioning to be Caesar from the Hunger Games. Hmm. He needed to finish that book. He'd hidden it from Georg and planned to deny that he ever, EVER wanked over Peeta Mellark. Cause he didn't.

Much.

ANYWAY.

He smiled and kissed Georg's lips before letting Georg attend to his own hair. "I estimate 43 less minutes per morning now," he said cheerfully, hanging out on the toilet. "Less drying and no straightening. I mean, I suppose you COULD straighten the top if your iron hadn't disappeared under mysterious circumstances."

Georg eyed him. "Yes. And I hope it's going to reappear at some point because I'd like to try that out. If not, I may just have to buy a new straightening iron."

Gustav smiled innocently. "I hear there's a worldwide shortage," he said, and hopped up to go get dressed. "Ceramic mines are closed and all. But I have it on very good authority that if you WERE looking for yours, it might possibly, possibly be in my closet, on the top shelf, hidden under my Christmas pjs from other years. Maybe."

"Excellent. Good to know. Then I might go look there later." Georg gave him a suspicious look, then went back to arranging his little waves, stopping briefly to kiss Gustav’s nose, then go back to playing.

Gustav accepted the kiss and went to dress. Only black really went with pink, cause honestly, pink WAS the new black.

He decided his outfit screamed for combat boots, so he dug them out and was lacing them when Georg came out of the bathroom.

Georg looked at him when he was dressed, and grinned. "Hello! Wow, you look hot in black. You should wear black more often. It looks dashing."

He nodded, then picked a sexy outfit to go with his new haircut – a green t-shirt, tight jeans, a brown leather jacket.

"I look like the Secret Police," Gustav said with resignation, but kind of liked it. He could be all Mission Impossible, if he wanted to.

When Georg was dressed, Gustav sighed. "So you tell me, okay? Tell me how I'm supposed to sit there and NOT be trying to grope you all day. Just tell me that."

Georg grinned. "How am I supposed to not grope YOU? You're the one who looks really hot. Mmmmhhh."

He sighed happily. "You wanna drive?"

Gustav had to laugh – only Georg would like this, but since he was the only one who counted, Gustav was okay with that.

He shook his head. "We should take your car; I can't take mine in to the shop till tomorrow, so if you wouldn't mind driving, that would be great."


	27. Trip to Jail

They stopped at a bakery they frequented, and Gustav fielded questions from the amused staff with regard to his very pink self, then they continued on to the station – the real test.

As they made their way out of the bakery, Georg pondered. "I should make cupcakes again at some point. Hmm… pink ones, with hearts on ‘em."

“Mmmm, your cupcakes," sighed Gustav, who had a weakness for baked foods. And roasted foods, fried, steamed, barbecued, rotisseried, etc.

He smiled, then drove the rest of the way to the station. When they got there, they got out of the car and Georg took a breath. "Are we ready to face Patty? ARE we?"

Faced with the stone façade of their precinct, Gustav weakened. "No. No we're not and we should run screaming like the scared chickens we are before…"

"BOYS!" bellowed Patty from a second-hand window. "Boys… OH MY GOD! What are you doing down there? Get your asses up here, NOW, and let me look at you!"

Gustav blinked, then hid in Georg's shoulder. They were doomed.

Georg had to laugh. "Yeah, we should, but I think it's too late now. Come on, babe."

Gustav went, because he had no choice; if he tried to run, Patty was liable to lasso him from the second floor. He had seen her do it before, and besides, Georg had taken Gustav's hand and led him upstairs, grinning when they arrived at Patty's desk. "Hello! What do you think?"

He turned in a circle, very model-like, showing her his hair, and Gustav watched, amused as Georg _twirled_ for Patty. Honestly, they were so gay.

Patty was momentarily speechless, and just gawked before cupping his neck. "I'm torn between wanting to cry and thinking that you really ARE the loveliest man ever."

Gustav had to smile – he knew the feeling. "Maybe you should do both," he suggested, and she beamed at him. "I will get to you in a moment, sir," she advised, and Gustav held up his hands. "Take your time."

“Do you not like it?” Georg tilted his head at her, and was rewarded with an instant, “No, no, I love it. It was just a big change." She smiled. "I bet Gustav went nuts when you came home like that."

"He did," said Gustav from the corner of her desk. "He made it worth his boy's while, trust me."

She grinned knowingly, and Gustav had the fleeting thought that Patty probably knew more about boy sex than HE did. It was a rather unsettling thought, to be honest.

Patty inspected pretty much every follicle, then squeed more, then messed up the fringe, then smoothed it back, then smooched him. "Merry Christmas, sweetie!"

THEN she turned to Gustav. "Good Lord, darling, you are very, very pink!"

"Don't I know it; the things I do for love amaze even me. But Georg always liked it since Antibes, and so…"

"I love it. I seriously think no other man on earth could pull this off."

She smooched him too, then, as the Captain walked out and looked at both of them, his eyes widening. Whether it was because of Schäfer's pink hair or Listing's lack of same, it was hard to tell.

Gustav smooched Patty back, then looked over at Georg, then down at his hand.

Georg smiled. "Aww, sweetie. My hair grows like whoa, as you know, so I can always grow it back at some point. And Gustav looks great, doesn't he? I kind of adore the pink on him; it brings out his… well, everything. Not that he isn't pretty with his normal blond color, but this is just… fun, and different."

"I like the pink," he continued, making Gustav smile. "And the blonde, and anything in between."

Gustav grinned at the captain, then waved flirtily, making him roll his eyes and walk away. 

Georg snorted, then noticed Patty's look at his hand. He smiled, then lifted his hand. "Christmas Eve. In the snow, under a tree, Gustav asked me to marry him, and I said yes, sobbing like a pathetic little girl. He caught me completely off guard, and… I said yes, obviously. How could I say no to THAT?"

Her eyes widened at the sight of the ring, and then she _did_ shriek and pulled both of them into a huge hug. "Really? Oh honey, of course you couldn't say no to that!"

Georg beamed. "I know, right? I mean, I always figured we would get married eventually, but I didn't expect this at all. But it was perfect and romantic and I'm so incredibly happy… you'll be my maid of honour, right?"

Gustav almost died, right then and there. Georg was priceless in every single way. And of course, she had to be part of it – if it wasn't for her 'meddling', they might not be where they were now.

But PATTY was tearing up; their brave, tough, motorcycle-riding, bossy confidante was sniffling and hugging Georg tight, and he smiled. 

Yes, what would come later today would suck, but this was fun. This was THEM.

Georg smiled and hugged her back, kissing her nose when he pulled back. "I take that as a yes," he said with a grin. "Either way, you and your plus one are hereby invited to our fabulous wedding."

He grinned, then slid an arm around Gustav and smooched him.

"Hell YES, it’s a yes! Oh God, I am so proud of you both, and you're… well."

She took a breath. "I don't have my own kids, but you two are the closest I've had to feeling like I do, and I love you both, hugely – possibly inappropriately, but hugely."

Patty sniffled, and Gustav looked at Georg, smooched him back, then pulled her back into a hug. "You're the best honorary mum anyone could want, truly. Where would we be without you?"

She hugged them both hard, then let them breathe, turning around and bellowing for the Captain, as the rest of the precinct gathered around to congratulate them – they knew to let Patty have her moments first.

"Reggie" had a word with Gustav too, about his brother, asking if he was all right, did he need time off, did he want to see him? To which Gustav replied that he thought so, no, and that he guessed he needed to.

"I'm sorry," said the Captain awkwardly. "When I realized who he was, I just… I couldn't believe it. And then I read the report, and Jesus, Schäfer – you and your pink self almost weren't here to tell the tale."

"Josie," said Gustav simply. "I know you think I'm nuts, Cap, and I wouldn't dispute it, but any other gun would have gone off. But he was stupid enough to touch her, and other than Georg – and maybe Patty – no one touches Josie."

"You have incredible shit luck, Gustav. But I'm grateful for it, and that you and Listing are all right. We need you here and… if you need anything, let me know, all right?"

Gustav was touched. "All right. Thank you sir, and happy holidays."

A clap on his shoulder. "You too, Schäfer… and congratulations on your upcoming, uhm, nuptials.”

Then he shook his head. "A pink Detective. Honestly."

Georg didn't like being reminded of how close he'd come to losing his Gusti – but fortunately Josie was a loyal girl and wouldn't hurt her owner for anything in the world. Yes, it was weird, but she was like the third member in their team, and she had a life of her own. 

Finally, he had to grin. "It looks great, though, doesn't it?" he asked cheerfully, ruffling Gustav's hair. "Maybe a color like that would look good on you, Captain!"

The Captain eyed him, and sighed. "Only you, Schäfer, seriously… but it’s you. The mullet, well, but the color, sure."

Gustav scowled. "SEE? I do have one. Dammit!"

"I'm just jealous," admitted Reggie. "Wish I could still manage one, but no, that ship has sailed. Maybe I should have asked for a hair donation from Listing, since he had so much to spare."

He looked Georg over. "It looks good."

Georg grinned. "Thanks, boss. And I still have my hair at home, so if you do want a donation…"

Reggie laughed. "I'll think about it – thanks for the offer."

Georg grinned at Gustav. "And yes, honey, you do have one, but I like it, so…"

Gustav sighed. "Oh well. You like it, crazily enough, so that's that, I guess. Whatever you want."

Patty called Georg over to discuss wedding plans while Gustav steeled himself and went down to visit Gerard.

If you could call it that.

He was gone a long time, and when he didn't come back, a worried Patty called down to the cellblock, only to be told that Schäfer had left a while ago.

"Go find him, love, will you? I saw that kid and he… I can't believe he's related to our Gusti. He gave me the creeps."

Georg nodded. "I know, right?" he said softly. "I immediately knew that something about him was fishy – my hair tingled, you know?"

“Ah, so the hair power lies in the roots, not length? Good to know."

“Yeah, apparently so, so I still have my most potent weapon against wrongdoing.” He hugged Patty, then left to go look for Gustav, worried.


	28. Emoness In The Stairs

Patty smiled, then watched him leave – she wanted to kill that little ferret, Gerard. He was a little, little, well, SHIT and she wished that she could smack him around. Maybe she could manage it; everyone owed her a favor, after all.

Gustav was in the stairwell, sitting there, staring blankly at the wall.

Georg made his way down, then sat down next to Gustav when he found him, looking at him. After a moment, he wrapped an arm around him and kissed his shoulder. "Baby?"

Gustav didn't respond for a moment, then sighed from his toes and leaned against Georg.

Another few moments passed. "He hates me."

His voice was empty. "He's not sorry. He doesn't care. The fact that he killed a living human being doesn't even register. And he's only sorry that the bullet that went into jolly old Saint Nick didn't go into me."

Georg bit his lip, then wrapped an arm around him and kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry, baby," he murmured. "Maybe he just has… problems. Well, obviously he does, but… I don't know. I'm not a psychologist, but obviously there’s some sick stuff at work there."

He wrapped his arms around him and held him.

"I know. I am too. And he writes the book on problems."

Gustav turned into Georg's arms, surprised to find that his eyes felt hot and his whole body felt tight. "How can he… what did I do to him? I just… I was just me, and how can you HATE your brother? I don't… I don't much like him, but he HATES me, Geo. He was so…"

He couldn't even begin to tell him how Gerard had been to him. Not yet, maybe not for a long time yet. The person sitting in that cell was not his baby brother. It just wasn’t. It was a sick, twisted, angry sociopath, who might look a bit like him and share his name, but that’s where the similarities ended. He had tried to goad Gustav into being as angry as him, to fight back, and it had taken just about every inch of his self-control to remain calm while Gerard spewed his hate.

He’d channeled his inner Bobby Goran, and when he’d left, Gerard had been the one who lost it – not him. And Gustav knew about taking the small victories where you could.

Georg shook his head. "I don't know, baby. I don't know what it's like to have siblings but he's just bitter and jealous and… it has nothing to do with you, baby. You're perfect, and if he wasn't such an asshole, he could never hate you. No one can."

He kissed his forehead.

At least Georg loved him, thought he was perfect… and if he was honest, so did a lot of other people. Ger was the one with the problem – or several dozen of them, actually.

But it was how he'd said all he’d said; did he really think Gustav was gonna let him go? Or that he wouldn't find out, figure him out, take him in for fucking _murder _?__

That seemed pretty stupid, even for Ger.

He sniffled, and for the second time in two days, he soaked Georg's chest, unable to help himself. He felt like a baby, but he couldn't help it.

Georg wrapped his arms around Gustav and pulled him close, just holding him, nuzzling him and whispering soothing words. He wasn't sure what he could do to help him – or if there WAS something he could do, but he could be here for him and just let him know that there was at least SOMEONE who thought Gustav was the most perfect human being ever created, and who loved him completely unconditionally.

It didn't matter what words Georg used; just the steady stream of soft sounds, the breath on his ear, how strong the arms around him were… they all helped in ways he couldn't even express.

He cuddled into Georg until he could compose himself, then finally sat up with a shuddery breath. "Sorry babe," he murmured. "I just kinda lost it there.”

“Its okay, baby. You don't need to ever apologize for that."

He kissed Gustav's forehead and wiped his tears away, stroking his hair. "You okay now?"

Gustav sighed and managed to get himself to a point where he could sit up and take another deep breath. "I know I don't, but I don't want you hooking up with an emotional wreck." He swallowed. "I can take being shot, tied up, lasered, taunted by shoplifiting twins and aging bosoms in caftans being thrust in my face, but my brother telling me he hates me is a little beyond that."

He wiped his eyes again. "I will do what I can to get him help, but I'm not gonna go see him again. I'm not that much of a masochist."

Georg nodded. "Maybe that's not a bad idea," he said softly. "Just stay away from him until he gets better… or not."

He hugged him and kissed his neck gently.

"Yeah," said Gustav, not going any more into it. It wasn’t that he didn't think Georg would understand, it was just too tiring to deal with.

He finally stood and pulled Georg up with him, kissing his hand. "I'm gonna head to the men's room, try to look like I've not been bawling my eyes out, and… can you call Tom? We're doing dinner but I don't know where or what we're supposed to bring."

He was courting danger, because he trusted Tom not at all, but he was too distraught to be sneaky right now.

Georg nodded. "Sure, baby. Whatever you need me to do."


	29. Old Flames

Georg kissed his lips, then watched him leave, and pulled out his phone. He looked for Tom's number and hesitated for a moment before he pressed 'call'

The phone nearly went to voice mail before Tom managed to get it – getting to his phone meant tripping over all of Bill's shit, and it was a wonder he didn't break his neck. He was seconds out of the shower, and still wet.

"Goddammit Bill!" he bellowed, just as he answered the phone, so that was the first thing the person on the other end would hear. "Pick up your shit!"

Then, "Hello, hello?"

Georg blinked, then had to grin. He'd missed those twins. 

"Hey Tomi," he said automatically. "It's Georg."

"Georg! Hey!"

God, it had been forever since he'd heard Georg's voice, and the last time had been… well, not good. He swallowed and searched around in Bill's stuff for a smoke. There HAD to be a pack around, HAD to be.

Except that there wasn't. Trust Bill to not leave anything useful lying around.

"How are you?" he said finally, patting his braids dry. "I hear we're having dinner?"

“Hey you," Georg said with a smile. "And yeah, we are! I'm glad – I've wanted to talk to you and catch up for a while, so… this is great."

He smiled. "Well, I actually, I just wanted to ask when and where we're gonna have dinner."

“Definitely," replied Tom, giving up his search. "And yeah, I don't know what Bill was planning – I'd cook but I'm knackered, really. But there's a great Italian restaurant inside the Crowne Plaza Hotel – the one we’re staying at, with a fucking amazing house red, so there, say at six? Or is that too early?"

Georg nodded. "Okay, sure, that sounds great. I'm always up for Italian, and if they have good wine… well, even better. And six should be great, I think."

“Great, then – you'll like this place. I know the chef and she's amazing. I went to school with her for a bit." Tom gave Georg the address, then dropped the towel and sat down on the bed. "So, still gorgeous are you?"

Georg had to smile. "I guess," he said. "I haven't changed much. Well… actually… No, you'll see me soon, so I won't spoil the surprise."

He grinned. "What about you, Tomi? Everything all right? I'm not gonna ask too much cause I want to discuss it all at dinner."

Tom looked at the phone. "Okay, a surprise?"

Of course Georg wouldn't change his hair, cause it was the HAIR, so… huh. He wondered what it could be.

"And of course, you'll have Schäfer with you too, so cool. It'll be nice to catch up."

He tossed the towel at the bathroom door. "Me? I'm okay. Glad to be on a break for a little while. I love what I do, but again, I'm whipped. But I'm fine, ridiculously hot, you know how it is."

Georg had to grin; Tom was still so… TOM. 

"Yup, a surprise. You'll see." He smirked a little. "And of course you're fine and ridiculously hot. I doubt the latter is ever going to change."

He smiled. "Okay, so I gotta go be a cop now, and I'll see you."

Tom smiled back into the phone. "You go do that – and yeah, same here."

Georg paused. "It's good to hear your voice again," he said softly. "We should talk more often from now on." He smiled. "Bye, Tomi."

He hung up then and took a breath, then went in search of his pink-haired boyfriend.

Tom hung up too and rubbed his face, and only THEN found Bill's cigarettes. Of course.

 

The pink-haired boyfriend had washed his face, his hands, and finger-combed his curls into some semblance of order. He was also pondering how possibly stupid he had been to have his sweet fiancé call the only other boy he'd ever loved.

Brilliant, Gustav.

Georg finally found Gustav and gave him a smile. "Hey baby," he said softly, sliding his arms around Gustav. "So, I just talked to Tom, and dinner will be at six, if that works for you."

He brushed Gustav's hair back and looked into those deep brown eyes.

Since Gustav had already raised the bar on needy, he thought, he nodded and then blurted out what he was thinking.

"You really loved Tom," he said, "and what if you see him and all those feelings come back and you don't know what to do? I know you love me – I do, I don't doubt that, but you loved him, too. I loved Bill, sure, but I never thought it was forever. It was what we both needed when we needed it and I always loved you first. But for you two, it was like first love. You don't ever forget your first love."

He took a deep breath. "I know this."

Georg looked at him for a long moment, then cupped his cheeks. "Gusti, shhh."

He brushed Gustav's hair back, thinking for a moment. "Yes. He was my first love. What we had was intense and losing him was hard. Yes, when I called him, I was a little nervous, and yes, I'm nervous about seeing him again, too."

He shook his head when Gustav looked like he was about to burst into tears. "BUT… I love you now. I love you more than I've ever loved anything, even Tom. I want to spend my life with you, not Tom. I just adore you, Gustav. You don't have to worry about anything, okay? Tom is my past – you're my present and future."

Gustav listened, and nodded, trying to look calm and collected. He was probably not succeeding.

He took a deep breath, then swallowed. "Okay," he said softly, working to keep his voice steady. "Don't mind me – I'm just a little sensitive. I probably will get my period in the next twelve hours. And I'm sorry. I guess it’s gonna be weird until we're there and I can see that everything is okay. Bear with me till then?"

Georg nodded. "Of course. I'll be with you forever and ever and you have nothing to worry about. But if you need to just rant and worry and stuff, then I will be there too to tell you that everything is okay. “

“I'll try not to. I'll try to be my usual super-cool self and you know, just rock out loud."

Georg kissed his nose. "Okay, baby. Let's go home now – we weren't going to actually get work done in the first place, so we might as well leave."

Gustav took Georg's hand and nodded. "I did what I came here to do."

***

At home, Gustav was pretty useless. He could clean, but didn't want to. He should do laundry. He didn't. Instead he curled up on the couch and watched meaningless TV, occasionally crawling practically INTO Georg.

He didn't say anything else about Gerard; the case, their part of it, anyway, was wrapped, and he wasn't ready to deal with more of the emotional stuff yet, and maybe not ever.

He showered again before meeting with the twins, and wondered if he should slap on some eyeliner and leather, just to appear to be worthy of Georg. He didn't, though, just dressed in nice khakis and a dark gray shirt.

When Gustav was dressed, Georg smiled and slid his arms around him. "You look amazing, baby."

He slid his hands down his boyfriend's sides, squeezing his little love handles gently and kissing his nose. "The pink goes well with the grey, too. Pink really IS the new black and goes with everything!"

He himself was wearing his usual tight jeans, a black t-shirt with a band logo on it and his leather jacket. 

He'd been looking for his straightening iron but strangely, he hadn't found it where Gustav had told him he'd put it. Hmmm. So his hair still looked like it had for the past few days. But he would find that iron, even if he had to tickle its location out of Gustav. 

Gustav always caved when he was tickled.

"Thank you – this pink only wants to go with this," he said, tugging one of Georg's little waves. "But it’s good to know I'm versatile."

Georg grinned. "Well, good, cause I think it goes excellent with this. And okay! Let's go then."

Gustav nodded, and looked Georg over – God, who WOULDN'T want him?

He also felt a little bad for moving the iron, and finally had slid it under Georg's pillow for him to find later. He supposed he couldn't deny him straight hair, not when the current hair change was HUGE and all for him. He had snorted to himself to see Georg messing with it, a pleased expression on his face.

Hah – Uncle Gusti was always right. Almost.

He left Josie at home, figuring if he had to kill Tom, he could find ingenious other ways, and handed Georg his keys. "Crowne Plaza, again. No crying and storming out this time, I promise. Sort of."

Georg took Gustav's hand and they left their flat, got into their car and drove to the hotel in relative silence. He could tell that Gustav was worried, even though he didn't have to be, and held his hand the entire time. 

Gustav appreciated the hand holding, and squeezed a couple of times. He felt incredibly stupid for worrying – he HAD Georg, the man was wearing his ring, he told him he loved him in every way possible. In a sense, holding a sniffling someone in a stairwell was more of a show of love than almost anything else Gustav could think of.

Then they got out and made their way into the hotel, finding Bill and Tom in the bar area, having a drink. Georg slid an arm around Gustav and led him towards them, grinning.


	30. Epilogue - To New Adventures!

In the hotel, Gustav attracted a few looks for his pink self, sighed, then had to smile anyway when he spotted the twins. They were back to, but he honestly didn't know how anyone could look at Bill from any angle and not smile.

"My, my, the Kaulitz twins! What a pleasant surprise!"

Georg grinned, waiting for them to turn around, and already admiring Bill's hair – he looked amazing!

At Georg's words, they both turned around – in unison, Gustav was amused to note – and almost immediately, four brown eyes widened.

"Holy shit!" said Tom, but whether it was at a pink Gustav or a shorn Georg, wasn't quite clear at first. But then, "Dude. DUDES, rather!"

He slid off the stool and moved over, looking at them both. "And here I thought Bill would be the big hair news of the day. You have both trumped him. Unreal."

He clapped Gustav on the shoulder in a friendly manner. "You will have to explain, you know," he added, then hugged Georg for a long moment, his hands not going anywhere they shouldn't. 

Gustav, meanwhile, moved over to hug Bill, who was not tired and jetlagged looking any more, and, in fact, looked amazingly gorgeous. Gustav still found it incredible that someone who looked like Bill had liked… loved, still cared about… someone like him. The discrepancy was that great. Georg was hot, he was handsome, but Bill transcended pretty much anything you could think of.

Bill grinned. "Oh my God!" he shrieked. "I know you said you were pink, but DUDE! That really IS pink!"

He sighed happily and ran his hands through Gustav's hair. "You're beautiful, baby, seriously. Not many people can pull off pink, you know?"

“God, don't I know – I thought my sister was gonna piss herself laughing when she was putting it on for me." Gustav sighed. "But this one, oddly enough, likes it, so hey, Merry Christmas, right? And his was my Christmas present, so…"

Bill smiled. "And Georg! Wow! That must've been traumatic as hell for you!"

Tom smiled. "Well, you can get to his neck now. Ears, too."

"Exactly! See, you totally get it." Gustav nodded.

Georg grinned. "It was, seriously. It was a big step, but I actually kind of love it. You look great, though, Bill! I like the blond."

Gustav patted the blondeness of Bill. "I like it too, but I think I've drooled over you already, so…"

"Thanks," Bill said, beaming. Then he eyed Tom. "Now we just have to get Tom to do something fun with HIS hair."

Georg turned to look at his former boyfriend and smiled, shaking his head. "Nah. He still looks good with the braids."

He twirled one around his finger and took a breath. "So! Are we having drinks before dinner or do we have to go to the table right away?"

"I do get it. I appreciate that on a man. I just never would have imagined Geo would do it. Love, look what you've wrought!" Tom said dramatically, then rolled his eyes at his brother. "You already HAD fun with my hair a couple of years ago, and I'm _still_ traumatized. Besides, this works well for cooking, cause I just tie 'em back and it’s all good. And thank you."

Tom looked around. "Why don't Blondie and the Beauty grab a table in the back of the bar, and Pinky and I will get drinks?"

When Georg and Bill had obediently sauntered off, Tom tugged Gustav over to the bar. "Hey," he said awkwardly – he'd never really known how to talk to Gustav. Bill did, but he found it hard.

"Look… I just wanted to tell you not to worry. If you were, that is – I loved Geo, yeah, and I always will, same as you love Bill, but he has you now, and you are the one who makes him happy. He always loved you, even when he loved me. It might have taken a while to get to your level, but he did. I can see it in how he looks at you. And even if I could, I would never mess with that."

Tom took a deep breath. "I might be… I might be dating someone. I have no idea, really, cause its new, and… I just wanted you to know that I'm… that I wouldn't do anything. Okay?"

Gustav listened, then nodded. "I can't say I'm not relieved, cause I am, but thank you for saying this. I love him, he loves me – I've had two of the most beautiful boys in the world love me, so I consider myself lucky as hell. But thanks, Tom."

He took a breath. "Good luck, with your new…"

"Yeah." Tom smiled. "He's my age, he's a chef too, he's silly and makes me lighten the fuck up, so that's a great thing. And Bill likes him, so there's that too."

Gustav smiled back. "Mazel Tov."

Tom laughed. "Thanks."

Georg and Bill sat there in silence while Gustav and Tom got the drinks, but watched them. After a moment, Bill smiled. "I think Tom is telling Gustav that he doesn't have to worry about Tom jumping you. He's dating someone and it looks promising, so…"

"Oh," Georg said, then smiled. "Good, I'm glad to hear that. Gustav was worried, so… it's good that Tom's reassuring him."

Bill nodded. "Yeah. And I'm not gonna jump Gustav or anything, so… you don't have to be worried either. I've actually been dating someone too. Tom doesn't know about it because… I don't think he'd approve, but… yeah."

Georg raised a brow. "Really? Huh. Well… I'm reassured, so…"

He smiled. 

The others got the drinks and brought them back to the table, setting them down. "Champagne later, but this now."

Georg looked up at them, smiling. "Okay, so you want to know why Gustav's hair is pink? Well… when we were on vacation, he randomly dyed it pink – streaks only, though, and I loved it, so he did it again for me. And it looks good, right?"

Bill nodded. "It looks faboo!"

Gustav sat down beside Georg, and had to smile. "I did it to look like a vacuous playboy – along with the Hello Kitty t-shirt – and apparently the doofus playboy image plays well with Detective Listing."

He sipped his Stoli – hey, it was Christmas! – and then shook his head. "And Geo lost half his hair in a terrible psycho-bitch accident on that same case, which had the unexpected effect of me being able to lick said neck, and yeah. I created a monster."

Tom smiled into his Scotch. "Well, it works for both of you… and HELLO KITTY? You're kidding me, right?"

"And silver spandex."

Tom started to cough. "Dude. Don't say that while I'm drinking!"

Bill started giggling hysterically. "Oh my God, really? That's a look, Gustav, seriously!"

He grinned and shook his head.

Gustav laughed too. "It was – I'll email you a pic for the next time you really, REALLY need a laugh."

"Send it to me, too, willya? I have to see that." Tom smiled into his drink.

Georg grinned. "Oh, definitely. It was that evening that I finally realized I was in love with him."

Bill smiled, then looked up when the waiter arrived to lead them to their table. They followed him and sat down, their champagne already poured and ready. 

Georg looked around the other three, smiling as he reached for his glass and raised it. 

"I just want to say that it's really great to finally be together again; just the four of us, and that I hope we'll be able to do this more from now on. Of course we're on different continents, usually, but… we'll travel. We work too much in the first place, so we can take some time off sometimes and visit."

He took a breath. "Anyway, here’s to new adventures. Or something."

Tom nodded, and when they were all seated again, at their very nice table, of course, he raised his glass and nodded in agreement. "Seconded. We'll find a way to see each other more than every couple of years."

Gustav took Georg's hand under the table, and raised his glass too, and as they all clinked, he suddenly knew that everything would be okay, for all of them. It was a warm feeling, a sure feeling, and he smiled, a real smile, for the first time in what felt like a really long time.

{ The End }


End file.
